Lost and Insecure
by PoeticHeretic
Summary: Will Miranda and Andy ever find one another after the unforgivable has happened? Will they ever want to find each other? Sometimes, when both are lost and insecure, they have to lose everything in order to find themselves and each other. This is the story of hurt, betrayal, angst, sex, discovery, hate and love. [Miranda/Andrea] [Trigger Alert]
1. The End

**Disclaimer**  
All characters with the exception of James Clark belongs to Lauren Weisberger.

**A/N**  
Warning! Extreme mature scenes and rape trigger alert after the second break line. A very dark, twisty and angst fanfiction. Rest assured however, that I am a Mirandy shipper. So, don't get too anxious and not review, favourite or follow. Please do any of the three. It's good encouragement to keep posting if I know I have a steady/growing audience.

Tell me what you think about my original male character (OMC). What is the inspiration for the title and story of this fic? I'll grant A WISH to the first person to review with the correct answer. So you can ask for anything about my fanfic (future plot lines, suggestions, prompts, names of future characters) and I will do it. [or at least try my best]

It's UNBETA-ed so be warned. I have spellchecked but you know how that can be messed up too.

Enjoy! Review for a WISH!

* * *

**Lost and Insecure**

**Chapter 1 : The End**

Andy let out a sigh as she unlocked the back door to the townhouse. Miranda gave her key to the back door, "we can't let those vultures know that my ex-assistant turned cub reporter has access to my house, now can we?" Of course, the question was entirely rhetorical. Even when the divorce buzz came and went, Miranda insisted that they shouldn't go public. _It's better this way, without the attention and scrutiny. You know you're not a dirty little secret, right? _That was rhetorical too. Since Andy didn't really know the answer to that herself. Miranda never answered her own questions and would crush her own lips against Andrea's whenever this topic was brought up. The kisses meant different things to each woman, "_you're my everything, Miranda. You and the girls." "You are mine, Andrea."_

Miranda held the power in their "relationship", if you could even use call it that. Andy came over for dinner as often as every night if she didn't have to work, stayed over regularly, had her own wardrobe in the guest room, and spent time with the twins regardless whether Miranda was around. Miranda financed her apartment but she was not officially moved in since Miranda never indicated that the townhouse was Andy's home. Yet after a year and a half of this, nothing was official from Miranda or Andy and the people who knew, namely the twins, their nanny, the housekeeper, Nigel, Emily and Serena, had an unspoken understanding that they wouldn't label the "relationship". Andy learned long ago that sometimes it was best to keep things simple and ignore the jabs that Miranda would make about her job or the insecurity from Miranda's lack of actual declaration. After all, Andy knew that compared to Miranda's exes, she was beyond really low on the totem pole. She accepted that as long as she Miranda and her shared their bed at the end of the day, Andy was happy.

Happy going through the back door, happy staying at home while Miranda had different men hanging on her arm for each event. Happy having dates at home with the twins, happy taking care of the girls when Miranda was busy with the Book. _I'm happy. I have my family, Miranda and the girls._ The deep moans and embraces that she shared with Miranda post coital always assured her of Miranda's commitment and love. Even if Miranda told her that under no circumstances would she indulge her in cunnilingus or any terms of endearment. _Aren't my fingers enough? _Andy was tempted to retort with the same question whenever Miranda would thrust her hands into her hair, pulling and tugging to guide Andy's face south of her navel, a silent command. But the cardinal rule that persisted since Andy's time in Runway advised against any smartass retort. _You never ask Miranda anything. _And of course, Miranda's fingers was enough. Miranda'a touch and attention was more than enough. _Emily forgot to add that you aren't allowed to ask Miranda for anything either. So she never did._

It was eerily quiet as the twins left earlier for their father's and the housekeeper was let off early on Fridays where Miranda had the house to herself. She noted on the kitchen clock that it was around three in the morning, she then dragged herself to the lower foyer, barefooted and barely standing. She hasn't seen the twins or Miranda for three week since they left for the Hamptons for their summer getaway and parties. Andy couldn't go as she didn't have enough accumulated leave. Even if she did, she would be stuck in the house or at their private beach with the girls since there wasn't any explanation for a cub reporter from the Mirror to be at these parties.

At fourteen years of age, they were enjoying Andy's company since she was cool and made mom less cranky_. _It helped, of course that Andy was always up for pizza, especially when she secretly ordered them. The twins liked that Andy treated them like adults and Andy, being her, was easily taken to Miranda's little hearts. They were sad for Andy that she couldn't be seen in public with them but they understood. They didn't tell Andrea about what they saw when they were at the Hamptons because they didn't want the possibility of Andy leaving. Andy only managed to exchange a few phone calls in between parties with Miranda, even then, Miranda sounded agitated and spoke little. _I guess she misses me too. _The girls, however, called every night before their bedtime. They took the time to tell Andy about their day, who they met, funny incidents with their temp nanny and most importantly, they ended the call with _I miss yous _that made Andy's heart clench at their mother's coldness. Andy missed them terribly and wondered if the pain would be even worst if she ever had children of her own.

She had been awake since Wednesday and it was Friday night, no Saturday morning. As a cub reporter for the Mirror, she was on duty to update the website. She had texted Miranda yesterday when she was on break to say that she would only see her on Sunday but she had gotten no reply. That was normal though but Andy learned a good lesson when she forgot to do so previously and Miranda threw a big fit about how Andy was being irresponsible with the Editor's time and her own. "Next time, tell me if you aren't coming," she bristled and Andy could only smile because that meant there was going to be a _next time_ despite Miranda getting annoyed.

As she placed her shoes in the closet in the lower foyer, she found Miranda's coat shrugged carelessly on the table along with the Book. _Hmm, that's odd. She would normally bring it along with her upstairs. And she's been gone for so long. The digital versions can only satisfy the Dragon's rage for awhile. _She helped Miranda put her coat inside the closet and started her track upstairs.

_Oh right. It was the Friday of the Summer Runway party. She's probably really tired from the tonight. Andy had lost track of her days and forgotten about it. I wonder how it went. A lot of schmoozing with the Board and New York elites, I'm sure. Hmm can't wait to snuggle with her. _She placed her hand in front of her mouth to stifle the sounds of her giggles. Snuggling time with Miranda always evoked happiness from Andy.

As she neared Miranda's bedroom, she realised that the door wasn't closed and she could hear hushed sounds from the room. _She must be super tensed if she's taking care of herself with a dildo. Mmmh. _She pushed the door ajar by little, careful not to make any noise since she really wanted to catch Miranda unguarded whilst pleasuring herself. She bit her lower lip to keep silent as she froze at the sight that she found, fluttering her eyelids to actually take in the situation that was unfolding in Miranda's room.

"Mmmmmh..."

"That's right, Mira. Babe, suck me dry. I love it when you take all of me on your knees."

The image would be ingrained in Andy's head forever as she took in Miranda on her knees, kneeling in front of the bed while James Clark threw his head back, his eyes closed while his hands clenched the sheets.

"I. Love. Sucking. You. Dry." Miranda punctuated each word with licks up James' shaft.

James was Elias Clark's great grandson, who inherited the major shares to the company when he turned 25 two weeks ago. Andy recognised him from the Page Six posts leading up to his large birthday celebration commemorating the event at the Hamptons. She remembered Miranda feeling anxious about this new player in the Board and about meeting him at the Hamptons. _Standford law graduate, Olympic swim team candidate. Only 25 years old and he has too much money and influence for his own good. Hopefully he is agreeable and Irv hasn't influenced him entirely. Hopefully he isn't as blond as his hair._

Clearly agreeable to Miranda, he jerks his body back, his hand slipping into her hair to hold her head to his member as she gulps down his cum eagerly. Then, as if the knife in Andy's heart was being twisted over and over, the two people in the room moved onto the bed. Without exchanging words as if a rehearsed dance, Miranda lies on her back, pulling James above her with her legs around his waist, moaning as their bodies collide.

"Babe, let's fast forward. I don't want to do all the work. We'll come back to this part later," lying down beside Miranda, gesturing for her to ride him instead, his veined and stiff member begging for attention.

In a tone that Andy was unused to, a mix of subservience and teasing, "But, darling. I need you to pound into me." The knife then proceeded to slice and dice whatever is left of Andy's heart that she kept into a million pieces with Miranda's confession and actions as Miranda spread her legs, thrusting her hips into the air. James' deep laughter filled the room, "So inviting, baby. You're mine. I'll make sure of it."

Andy retreated, tears flowing freely down her face as she choked back a sob, biting her lower lips to the point of drawing blood. She had to run. She couldn't bear to take anymore, or see Miranda's face, or hear anything. She knew, then, that at the early hours of this Saturday morning, pieces of her heart that she gave Miranda was gone. Played carelessly and punished mercilessly by the woman moaning someone else's name. Everything hurt and she felt like she was dying. _At this point, I want to die._

So, she ran, taking her shoes, coat and tattered messenger bag with her. She slammed the back door behind her, running out to the street. _After everything, you still care about her image and her demands. Stupid girl. _At the thought of her foolishness, she choked and her sobs vibrated throughout her body. Kneeling on the pavement, gasping for air, crying and choking as she tried to hail a cab.

The movement above her stopped, her insides were screaming for more. "Mira, did you hear something? Like a door slamming or something, his hands squeezed her breasts roughly as he stilled in her. _It feels good to fill her up. God, so tight._

"That's ridiculous, darling. We're the only ones in the house. _Thank God Andrea is busy with her stupid newspaper. _Now, you were talking about making sure of something. I'm not that convinced," whispering into his ear as her arms and legs drew his body closer while she bit his earlobe. _His body is like a Greek Adonis. So hard and lean._

"Patience, baby. It's amazing how tight you are around James Junior, Mira," smirking, he then proceeded to pound into Miranda like a jackhammer while chanting, "Mine, mine, mine..." until he painted the walls of her cervix with his cum as her muscles clenched around him.

"MINE!"

"YOURS!"

Despite cumming, he stayed buried in Miranda and it was only moments before he regained stiffness. "James Junior is hard again, Mira," his teasing tone indicating he was really pleased with his performance since _James Junior _is anything but junior in size and it was Miranda's turn to do the work. Miranda could only grunt softly in reply, entirely too sore to move against him and her body still throbbing as she experiences her nth orgasm as he continued wiggling against her. _Ugh I hate it when he calls his bloody cock James Junior. Oh Lord, he's starting to move again. I can't take it anymore. I can't even move._

"No, darling. No more. I'm really tired," the wiggling increases.

"Aww, poor baby. You're sore, huh? Too bad," kissing her forehead as he turns the both of them to their sides facing each other. Unplugging his stiff cock from her, the mixture of their cum flowing out as she tries to snuggle into his frame. He collects the wet liquid with his fingers and he coats her anus. _No! NO!_

"Darling, no. I don't like it there," Miranda whimpered, brushing her nose against his chest.

"Well, I do. Too bad," he turns her body roughly and repeats, "Too fucking bad." He guides his cock to rim of his now preferred destination and Miranda struggles against his weight on her back. _NO!_

"STOP IT! Please." _I can't believe this is happening._

Upon hearing those words, he only gets more excited. _Wow "please" from THE Miranda Priestly. _"Too bad, you're mine. Say it!" he inches forward, pushing an inch of his 9inch _Junior_ into her.

_NO! _"Darling, I'm yours. I'm yours. No need to prove it anymore. Please." _Anything to get him to stop._

"Since you're mine, I can do as I please, baby." His false sugar sweet tone contrasted his actions as he pushed his entire length into her in one swift move. "Ugh, even tighter. Tell me, are you an anal virgin, Mira? TELL! ME!" He punctuates his last two words with hard thrusts and she blacks out from the pain, falling limp against the bed.

He looks at her and keeps thrusting into her, "I guess that's my answer. Come on, James Junior. She's unconscious anyway." He then fucks her in long slow strokes. _That's gotta hurt tomorrow. Ha! Look at that! Miranda fucking Priestly is like my personal cum bucket. Unconscious fuck doll. Oh shit I need to pee. Better pick this up._

He repeats his jackhammer move, his hands tugging at her breast at every thrust. When he finally cums, it's the best he has felt in awhile. Streams and streams of cum filled her virgin cavity. _She's pretty good in bed. Awake or otherwise! I always keep what is mine. No other way to mark a bitch but to..._

He then relieved himself on her, painting her body like his canvas with a self satisfied smirk on his face. _Take that Warhol!_

_That was good. Totally want a repeat performance. Maybe tomorrow if she's not whining about being sore. Now, for a shower and some food._

To be continued...

* * *

Read the A/N if you want to know more about the fic or the future progression.

Luce.


	2. Fork in the Road (i)

**Disclaimer  
**All characters with the exception of James Clark belongs to Lauren Weisberger.

**Warning**  
Mature scenes in the following chapter. It may cause discomfort or trigger ill feelings/emotions in the readers. Please be advised that you should read at your own informed choice. However, there are no rape scenes.

**A/N  
**Thanks for all the reviews, for following and for favouriting my fanfic. I am very encouraged and inspired by the reviews that some of you gave. You are an awesome audience! Since you are awesome, I have decided to split Chapter 2 into two parts. (Yup, a lengthy chapter to thank you for the warm response and satisfy your angst cravings)

For those who are offended by the lack of warning in my last A/N, I apologise. I know it is more than "extreme matured" and it is my error for forgetting to include the words "rape trigger." I have since, updated the previous chapter and have added the necessary warning.

I have been private messaging a few of the reviewers and have found like-minded people who have been waiting for a dark and angst-ish DWP. If you like this genre as well, do drop me a PM and we can exchange ideas or just talk.

I posted a question in the previous chapter which was, "What is the inspiration for the title and story of this fic?". The answer, which Yagiza92 gave was Lost and Delirious. It is partially correct but I was also inspired by the song, "You Found Me" by The Fray. Let me know what you think about these two inspirations of mine for this particular fic.

Sorry for the long A/N. Do you prefer that I reply your reviews by reviews? Or PM? For the guest, I can't PM you. So, let me know!

It's UNBETA-ed so be warned. (Any volunteers to be my beta? Hit me up!) I have spellchecked but you know how that can be messed up too.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Lost and Insecure**

**Chapter 2.1 : Fork in the Road**

Andy choked as she knelt on the ground, wiping the tears that flowed freely with the back of her hands. Her whole body trembled, the heart-wrenching pain pierced every fibre of her being. She didn't know a pain like this existed until now. It was as if her heart was pulled out of her chest cavity but she stayed alive and continued breathing. _Unfortunately._ She felt a weight against her chest, she couldn't breathe yet her lungs involuntarily inhaled the still morning air between sobs. _A part of her fought violently against breathing. She didn't want to breathe. What's the point when she was in so much pain? _She continued gasping for air, as if water filled her lungs and she was drowning over and over. _I'm dying. _Yet, these whimpers and chokes, muffled by the pale shaking hands that cradled her face, reminded her that she was alive. Alive to feel every bit of ineffable anguish and heartbreak that great writers tried their best to define with prose and poetry. _Could heartbreak feel like grief?_

_Why? Wh-why would she do that? Was I not enough? Why would she do that if she loves me? Even though she never said it. At the very least cared for me. I would mouth those three words as I held her in bed after she dropped to slumber. Those silent declarations that she didn't want to hear and she never returned. After every phone call. After we made love. After sex. Oh God sex. She had sex with someone else. A man. In our bed. In her bed. She called him "darling". She never called me anything but Andrea. I wasn't darling. I wasn't baby. I wasn't her partner or girlfriend. Someone or something that deserved respect and faithfulness. No! I adore her, love her. She's everything to me. Stupid girl! Clearly the feeling isn't mutual. Clearly you're just a part time bed warmer and nanny. Clearly nothing. Not deserving of love, respect, adoration and faithfulness. I don't have much but I gave her my heart. My entire fucking heart and being. Clearly that isn't worth much to her now, is it? _

Andy clutched her abdomen and heaved, the cups of coffee she consumed earlier to sustain her through work escaped her body. The screams in her mind grew louder with each sentence. _Can you lose someone you never had, Andrea? _Her inner devils punished her. _You're really a "smart" fat girl. You fell for everything. _As if throwing her violently against the walls of her chest cavity, a reminder that her heart was ripped from her body. Her chest hurt, the back of her throat raw from crying, her knees bruised from kneeling. Yet her supposedly non-existent heart thumped loudly. The rhythm of her heart thundered in her ears, juxtaposing the deafening silence around her. _She never loved you. She never will. _

She was _left there by the tide. A little tepid pool, drying inward from the edge.* _Her body stilled, exhausted from being thrown around by the harsh tides and later crashing against the rocks. She had drowned over and over in her own tears. She had bled herself into the grey pavement of Upper West Side. She _lost_ a part of herself that she would and could never take back. _Heartbreak feels like grief because someone died. Wake up, sweetheart. _

She placed her shaking hands in front of her and pushed herself off the ground. She struggled, as if learning how to stand again for the first time. The strap of her messenger bag sat on her shoulder, she pressed her hands against her diaphragm, willing herself not to heave or tremble anymore. She held her breath, her bruised knees shaking until she straightened her posture and finally stood upright. She gasped at first, her lungs seeming to have forgotten how to take a normal breath without choking or coughing. She parted her lips to teach her lungs to breathe again. _Inhale! _Her cheeks were tear-stained and her nose red and blocked, she then exhaled. She repeated the motions, _inhale exhale. _With every breath inhaled and exhaled, she placed sutures, stitching up the wound that bled parts of her that were now _lost_, leaving an invisible scar in her chest cavity that reminded her that there were still remnants of Andy Sachs that she managed to salvage.

* * *

She was aware that she looked like death personified. The stares that she received while she walked to the Lower East Side. _Well, technically you are/were. Since a part of you died and all. _She walked to the apartment that had most of her things. It wasn't home or at least it didn't every really feel like home since it came furnished and Miranda basically just installed her into it. _This wasn't your home. And neither was the townhouse. _She smiled mirthlessly and she turned the lock to open the door into the apartment. _So you're homeless as well. Something you didn't realise until now. You have been, for the past year or so. _

"Why can't you just say thank you like a normal person? Stop crying, for goodness sake. I refuse to go all the way to the other side of town to see you. Now it takes less time for you to get to the townhouse," Miranda said tonelessly as if she was stating the obvious as she took in the furniture that she had instructed Emily. It was a fully furnished apartment that she decided to invest when Andrea took God-forbid half an hour to reach the townhouse to watch the twins while she had a business appointment on a Saturday afternoon. Andy remembered that she was so touched by Miranda's actions, her brown doe-eyes shining with unshed tears as she rushed over to hug Miranda. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

The editor smirked. _I can think of a better way to enjoy my thank you. _"Why don't you show me how grateful you are? You should know by now that actions speak louder than words after all," her hands tightened around Andrea, pressing the woman in question against her. Andy then proceeded to spend the entire afternoon showing just how grateful she was and touched that Miranda really cared for her. _She just wanted you to be at her beck and call, silly!_

She shook her head, refusing to waste any time getting trapped in that downward spiral. She was done crying. She didn't want to be that helpless Andrea anymore. She refused to be used any longer, to be manipulated and emotionally abused. She was never going to be on her knees, crying her heart out. For anyone ever again. Her knuckles turned white from clenching her fists too hard, she was angry. She deserved love, attention and respect. She deserved all that and more. She had never asked for it and there were times when the editor demanded them and she surrendered willingly. _No more being that "smart" fat girl, Andy! _She was furious at Miranda Priestly. She was livid with a certain blond haired Elias Clark heir. Yet she was calm. Anyone who went against the Dragon in blinding white rage will only end up being burnt to crisps. _So, what now, Andy?_

After being washed up to the shore, learning how to breathe and to stand again, she felt like the eye of the storm—perfectly calm, silently controlled and altogether dangerous. She took in the condition of the apartment, eyes sweeping across the open floor plan as she walked towards the fridge. She removed a bottle of Pellegrino, heading towards the bathroom as she stripped off every article of clothing that clung onto her frame. She sat on the closed toilet seat, sipping from the bottle as the soothing sounds of the water filling the bathtub filled her ears. She slipped into the warm body of water, sighing as she felt relief against the aches in her muscles and bones. She leaned back against the end of the bathtub, raising her right leg, she used tickles her toes with water that continued to fill the tub.

The water was up to her collarbone by the time she finished her bottle of ridiculously expensive water. _This feels really good. _She sighed and it quickly turned into a yawn. _I've been awake for how many hours now? I don't even know what time it is. _She yawned again, her vision turning blurry from the tears in her eyes. _Wow. Can't believe my body can actually still produce tears. I thought my tear duct would have dried up or something. Hmm. _The warm water made it difficult for Andy to ever think about leaving the tub. Every muscle in her body was sore, her bones ached. The warm water felt like the best temporary massage that a girl could ever want. _People fall asleep in tubs all the time right? I doubt anyone really died from falling asleep and drowning like in movies. At least not unintentionally. Or are there? _She felt oddly whimsical at that last thought. It was morbid to think that someone could actually die from drowning in their tub unless it was an episode of Law and Order or CSI. With a last yawn, Andy fell asleep, laying her head at the edge of the tub. _I am so tired. So tired._

* * *

_What on earth is that stench? It can't be Patricia since she is still at the kennel. No! It can only be myself or James or the both of us. _

Miranda's cheeks coloured pink as she thought about her time with James yesterday. She couldn't remember falling asleep. Her eyes blinked open as she dared take a sniff. It smells like cum, sweat and pee in here. _Disgusting. _I don't remember relieving myself in my own bed. Her nose scrunched at the thought of James relieving himself over her and the bed. _That boy is like an animal. A wild and horribly good in bed animal though. Speaking of that boy, where is he? He enjoys cuddling far more than Andrea. Oh Lord, Andrea. She can never find out. The girls are already angry. They adore her. _She suppressed the urge to vomit at the thought of the girls knowing of her indiscretion. _I spent a lot of my time with James during our time at The Hamptons. _

_Well, in your defence, he wanted to know about everything about Runway. And I am Runway after all. So exploring every inch of me is justified. Somewhat._

At that thought, Miranda's cheeks once again turned rosy. Their mornings at the Hamptons were really good, filled with cuddling and "breakfasts" that led to more sex. She sat up gingerly to survey the damage. Most of the pee was on her body which was a good thing since she would have to get a new bed if their cum and his pee seeped into the mattress. She sat in the bathtub, letting the salt bath solution work it's magic on her aching limbs and sore muscles. After 20 minutes, she grabbed her robe and decided that she needed to look for James.

With every step that she took towards the kitchen, Miranda was filled with discomfort at the thought of facing James and she was still hurting physically. _Admit it! You deserved it! You pleaded for him to be in you! _

She pushed the door to the kitchen and found James in nothing but a boxer, drinking coffee and reading the paper. _He wasn't wearing those yesterday. They look very familiar. Oh God they are Andrea's. It's so domestic, seeing him in the kitchen yet something is out of place. He didn't fit in her kitchen like Andrea. _Her eyes widened, miffed by the internal screams about an overworked Andrea that was probably slaving away at her cubby desk at that place.

He observed her and saw her eyes widened at his boxers. _Well technically it wasn't his but he found them and they fit._ Smirking, "Like what you see, Mira? Thanks for getting boxers for me. I know you enjoy undressing me but I appreciate the sentiment of dressing me too. "

She moved to seat opposite of him and gently sat herself down. "What did you do to me this morning? I'm hurting." _Everywhere._ At that, she paled. She remembered saying please and then she couldn't recall anything else. She was embarrassed and angry. A combination that did not bode well with her at all. She was still after all, the Dragon lady. Albeit a little more sore than normal.

He saw her go pale and took her hands, "Baby, I'm sorry you're hurting. I shouldn't have been so rough this morning but I just had to have you. You're just too sexy.," he kissed the inside of her palm and schooled his expression to appear apologetic. _You totally dominated a Dragon. I guess that makes me a Dragon slayer. An achievement, if I do say so myself._

Miranda examined his expression, he was apologetic but he was clearly proud that he "had" her. "I said no multiple times, James. You should have respected my wishes. I didn't want to have anal sex. _I promised Andrea that we would try it when I was ready._ _Oh God, Andrea! She can never find out. Never. _You went ahead and I passed out from the pain," she hissed. _How embarrassing! _"Did you actually pee on me after you ejaculated? I woke up to a horrible stench. You are a human being not an animal. There's a perfectly functioning en-suite bathroom." she sneered. _I refuse to let him demean me further. _

James Clark wasn't used to being scolded, nagged or denied when he wanted something. _She's forgetting that I'm in charge here._ _Not so much of a fuck doll anymore if she's going to be a whiny bitch about it. _But he treated anything that belonged to him well. Even _old_ toys. And the whole lonely and nagging mother act was getting boring after 2 weeks. It was fun to chase the dragon and mark the dragon but he wasn't going to play house with someone who couldn't handle rough fucking. _Not going to be a stepfather to 14 year olds at the age of 25. I'd rather date them. _

"I already said I'm sorry about being too rough, Mira. The anal sex part was a given. We have discussed it before, haven't we? You said you were up for it and you said you belonged to me. I get to do whatever I want to my things, babe. So yeah I was fucking your ass halfway and then I needed to pee. So i jackhammered into you and painted your insides with my cum. Animal? Look who's talking, Mira. Since you're a bitch and I'm an alpha, I wanted to put my scent all over you by marking you," he was annoyed at her tone but smirked as he felt James Junior twitch in his boxers, talking about what he did so openly aroused him to no end.

_How dare he? Because you let him, you stupid idiot. _Miranda turned tomato red from her neck onwards as the image of him doing whatever he pleased with her body filled her mind. He was so sweet and charming at the Hamptons, an attentive and giving lover. _Admit it. It felt good because he ignored everyone else that wanted the golden boy's attention and only focused on frumpy you. You wanted to be wanted openly and you were frustrated with Andrea's insistence on working at that rag. And you wanted him to help you with Runway. You're supposed to be a Dragon but you're just insecure and you fell for his charming smile and words._

Miranda needed James as an ally against Irv and she couldn't provoke him into doing otherwise but now she only wanted a business alliance with him. _He will never touch me again. _She sniffed and move away from the table without a word, determined to get dressed, collect Patricia and destroy all evidence of his existence before Andrea came home. _She can never find out. I'll burn those damned sheets._

"I didn't say you could leave, babe. Sit down." He thundered, grabbing her wrists and pulling her towards him, indicating for her to seat on his lap. She gingerly climbed into his lap, immediately sensing his erected member through the thin material. He recognised widened eyes, "you feel that too huh? That's all for you, Mira." He whispered into her eyes as he brushed her sides with his hands. He then jerked upwards, jolting her in his lap, causing their hips to connect.

He moaned and she stifled a gag. "Don't call me Mira." she hissed, trying to put some distance between their bodies, shifting in his lap. "Okay, _bitch-slut. _You've been marked by an Alpha, so you're a bitch. Oh James! Fill me up! You're a slut and you pleaded for me to pound you," pinning her against him on the chair, between him and the table

_He's right. I am all those things. _"I'm not grinding against you, jerk! I'm still sore from yesterday. Please." Miranda knew what he wanted and she never wanted to say please to him again but she couldn't fight him and he was clearly more violent than he initially let on. She didn't want to let him have her again but she couldn't let him take Runway from her either.

"Aww you even said the magic word. Such a good, _bitch-slut_. Too bad though, if you want keep Runway, you'll give me the _full service. _So, what is it going to be?" he smirked as he tugged her robe, tapping her breast with his fingers as if playing an invisible tune on the piano. The silent threat audible to both of them. _Music to my ears. _

Miranda's eyes widened and she gulped audibly. _Full service. _That was the name that James used when he didn't want to put in any effort. It consisted at first, a handjob while making out. Then, she would blow him and it would continue with her riding him until he was satisfied. She wanted to push him away, clearly not agreeable to that idea of touching him, what more the _full service_. _You're such a slut. Just a week ago, you seduced him to bed with that exact idea. _

_You have too much to lose if he becomes unhappy. It's for Runway. I'll make it up to the girls and Andrea when I can. No point crying over spilt milk. You made your bed, you have to lie in it, Miriam!_

"I hate repeating myself. WHAT. IS. IT. GOING. TO. BE?" He punctuated each sentence with a jerk, grinding their hips together. She stifled a moan, she couldn't believe that despite the pain, his actions could still stir arousal from her. Y_es, Miriam. What is it going to be this time? _

To be continued.

* * *

Don't forget to review! I'll be motivated to release Chapter 2.2 faster if I know the responses to this part. By the way, the * is a footnote of sorts.

*Ebb, by Edna St. Vincent Millay

Luce.


	3. Fork in the Road (ii)

**Disclaimer  
**All characters with the exception of James Clark belongs to Lauren Weisberger.

**Warning  
**The content of this fanfiction may trigger ill emotions and feelings due to the mature rating attached to the explicit content. The content of this chapter may cause discomfort to the readers. Once again, a very strict warning to the level of mature and violent themes present in this fanfiction. Please be advised that if you choose to read it, it is entirely at your own risk.

**A/N  
**Hey guys! Thanks for the support in the form of reviews, follows and favourites. As promised, here is the second part of "Fork in the Road". I am grateful for the awesome constructive criticisms, the amusing suggestions and outright disapproval by some. It shows that I'm clearly heading somewhere with the people reading this.

Sorry for any emotional trauma caused to some out there. It was intentionally written to do so but I mean no personal offence to you. I know my warning should have been more explicit.

Feel free to drop me a PM if you're interested in understanding more about this fic, my characters, the characters I have written and the plot. I should be able to help you out if you're feeling too worked up or get you even more hooked. ;)

Unbeta-ed. Sorry about spelling errors.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Lost and Insecure  
****Chapter 2.2 : Fork in the Road**

_I am so tired. So tired._

Her eyes blinked open as the image of the white ceiling came into view. It felt like she was safely ensconced in a bubble, warm and safe. She was aware that she had been living in blissful ignorance for the past year or so, subconsciously denying the possibility that she was being dragged around like a ragged doll._ Blissful? Liar! You knew you weren't happy anymore. There were happy moments at first, movie nights and making out. Just enjoying each other's presence. Then the happy moments became fewer. _In this bubble, in the vacuum silence, she could see and feel everything clearly now.

And how do you feel? She wasn't sad, her feelings were closer to the bloodthirsty anger range but she was not the smart fat girl anymore._ You lost that person, with a scar to show for it. _As she stared at the white plane above her, she was choosing the road less taken. She had nothing to lose and nothing she hadn't already lost. She closed her eyes again, welcoming the silent darkness as she imagined the blood she would taste in the time to come.

Something intruded her silence, breaking the vacuum as she felt a hand circle her wrist, pulling her body upwards, effectively pulling her out of the warm body of water. As her head broke the surface of the water, she gasped for a breath._ I didn't even realise I was holding that. It didn't feel that long. _

"YOU BLOODY COW, WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING?" The undeniable snotty British accent that could only belong to one Emily Charlton rang in her ears. After Andy's tenure at Runway abruptly ended in the middle of Paris Fashion Week two years ago and her generous donation to Emily's wardrobe, they struck an unlikely friendship. A bottle of tequila and a Grey's Anatomy marathon that they shared helped too._ Em is also the only person besides Nigel who knows about Miranda and yourself. Uh-oh. _

"Uh. Uhm-huh. Well, if I told you, I would have to kill you," she smiled awkwardly._ You could think of something better than that? Really. _The glare she received suggested that she might end up getting killed instead. "Fine, I'll tell you. _Are you sure? YUP_. But we're not having this conversation while I'm in my bathtub. You go eat a cube of cheese or something. Let me finish my bath. I'll be out in a minute."

"I'LL DRAG YOUR ASS OUT BY YOUR HAIR IF YOU DON'T REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE TUB THIS INSTANT! OH MY GOD. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS. BLOODY HELL, ANDY! NOW!" She grabbed the robe and shoved it in Andy's face. She stepped back and hugged her sides with her crossed arms, waiting for Andy to get out.

Andy sighed and did as she was told. She really liked her hair and Em only swore like that when she was drunk or dead serious. She wrapped the robe around her and trailed behind Emily._ What are you going to tell her? More importantly, what are you going to do?_

_Dammit, Andy. The road less taken is a long and treacherous path. You're going to go through with it. Even if you lose more of yourself again._

* * *

Emily Charlton liked to pride herself as being in control and composed. Well, at least most of the time she was. She made sure to be. Unless it was a last minute addition to layout, an unscheduled/surprise Art department meeting with Miranda or after sharing a bottle of tequila with Andy. Or as she just found out, finding your best friend's apartment unlocked and said person in the bathtub completely submerged.

She had sneaked out of some guy's apartment on Lower West Side, who wasn't even that good of a shag and snored like a grizzly bear. She decided to follow him home after Nigel and herself decided to end their pow-wow at Morley's. They needed drinks desperately after running around like "headless assistants" during the Summer Party earlier. Miranda kept them busy by instructing them via Samantha, the current Emily, to manage the party and makes sure it's perfect. _That's all. _They had to put out every mini-fire that kept flaring up for a comparatively small scale event while the Event Management team stood there like awkward paperweights. _Did she forget that we have an Event Management team to do this? Maybe she's punishing us for something. _Despite being busy the entire night, the two of them noted that Miranda didn't unhook her arm which was looped around James Clark's, her date for the night and the heir to the Elias Clark empire.

They later agreed, after some much needed alcohol, in a corner booth, that this was an abnormal gesture on Miranda's side. _No one touches Miranda with the exception of the twins. And maybe Andy. Well technically, she was touching him and he just held out his arm. Still. _But Nigel chalked it up as being protective over her secret weapon against Irv. "After all, it has been announced that Irv is supposed to guide Golden Boy until he got the ropes. Miranda is probably trying to expedite that process."

She decided to try her luck and swing by to see if Andy crashed at home, a slim chance since Andy did say that she would be at work until Sunday. _She's being exploited by that Editor of hers. God forbid Mike Hill is the only editor to do so. _She had kept the key to the apartment after being left in charge to furnish it. She wanted to return it but Andy forced it back in her palm, "it's not like I'm there when I'm free, Em. And we usually spend time at yours instead since you don't exactly feel comfortable here. Just swing by when you're in the neighbourhood to check on my plants or something." _This is clearly something, alright. _

"So, tell me. Also, drink this. You look like you need it," she said as she passed the mug of coffee to her. _I hope it's not what it looks like. I knew she wasn't entirely happy but she insisted she was happy with her current situation. _She looked at Andy across the breakfast bar, noting the "deer caught in headlights' look that was highly normal for the other woman.

"Firstly, I'd like to say that it isn't what it looks like. I know, it looked like I was in the water and not breathing. It's funny since I was thinking about the whether people actually died by accidentally falling asleep in the tub. You know, like they weren't planning to commit suicide but it happened. Yeah, so… that's my explanation to why you found me in the tub. I'm really sleepy and I'm so tired and…" she rambled nervously, her mind scrambling to find the right words to explain the next part. _She's going to be so mad. Nigel and her wasn't very happy with the way things were going on. We always joked about being each other's "person". Yet I can actually imagine dragging Miranda's body across the foyer of the townhouse. _Her eyes widened at that thought. _Okay let's not go there. _

"And…? Why did your big brown eyes just widen? I'm going to hate what you're going to say, aren't I? That's why you're rambling like a nervous little girl," Emily narrowed her eyes. _It's definitely something Miranda related if she thinks I won't like it. _After being privy to the way Miranda treated Andy, it was sufficient to say that Emily's hero-worship glasses fell off and smashed themselves on the pavement. She respected Miranda professionally, aimed to be successful as an Editor of a magazine someday but she never wanted to treat someone she "loved" like a plaything. _Oh please. You thought Andy didn't deserve her, remember? The whole Cincinnati and horrible sweater combo was horrible but underneath all that is a dear friend and wonderful human being._

_"_Since you know you're not going to like it, maybe we should just not talk about it. You can hang around here, let me sleep for a few hours and we can go for brunch? I'll even let you just have a salad, Em. Or you can sleep too," she offered nonchalantly, praying to Emily's fashion deities that Emily would let her beg off from telling something so horrible. Her prayers unanswered as Emily glared at her.

"Okay. Fine. But you have to promise me that you won't explode or implode at anything or anyone, okay? Promise me, Em." "No, shan't. If it's as horrible as what I think it is based on your expression and tone, someone is going to pay dearly," she smiled darkly as she continued, "Hurry up already. And I'm definitely eating more than a salad, mind you. You're paying after all, since you decided to give me a fright."

_Here goes nothing, Andy. _"Sure, Em. I'll even get you a big breakfast set. So, I went over to the townhouse after work this morning, at round thre. I finished earlier than I expected and begged Johnny to help me out with the website. When I was there, I found Miranda and James having sex in her bedroom," she said calmly, surprising even herself at such a delivery.

"WHAT THE HELL? THAT SLIMY BASTARD. AND HER. SHAGGING. OH MY GOD. YOU. FOUND THEM. ARE YOU ALRIGHT? IS THAT WHY YOU WERE IN THAT TUB? FUCK, DID YOU KILL THEM? DO I NEED TO GO TO THE TOWNHOUSE TO CLEAN UP? SHIT. WERE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF AFTER YOU KILLED THEM OFF. THAT'S STUPID BY THE WAY. PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T MESS UP THE ENTIRE PLACE. IT'S REALLY HARD TO GET STAINS OUT OF THE BLOODY CARPET. WE GOTTA CALL NIGEL. MORE HANDS TO CLEAN UP. GOD! ARE YOU OKAY? SHITE. DAMN HER. DAMN HIM…I WOULD KILL THEM OVER AGAIN IF I DIDN'T THINK YOU ALREADY DID. BUT YOU'RE YOU. YOU DON'T KILL PEOPLE. SHIT! YOU DIDN'T KILL THEM, DID YOU? YOU SHOULD HAVE. FUCK, I KNOW I WANT TO." she continued rambling angrily. Emily was pacing around the kitchen, her eyes scanning the place for a weapon, her hands alternated between being thrown up in that air with wild gestures and clenched at her side. _How can Andy be so calm about this? Oh God. That's because she killed them off, Emily. It's alright. That's fine. You watched enough CSI and read enough crime novels to get through this. _

Andy sat on the stool, her eyes shifting back and forth, tracing Emily's frantic movements around the kitchen. She tried to understand the what Emily was saying but the her accent becomes thicker than usual when she was mad. She only caught words like "kill them", "stains", "Nigel" and "need more hands". _Good news, Andy. You were right. She is going to kill them. And she wants to get Nigel to help. _She jumped off the stool and rounded the kitchen island to stand in front of a very very angry Emily.

Andy grabbed Emily shoulders with her hands, holding her still and shaking her to get her attention. "What are you doing? Let me go. There's so much to do. Fuc-" Andy clammed her mouth with her hands, "Em, are you listening? Em? Listen to me." She received a nod from the woman who clenched her jaw. "I didn't kill them." At this, Emily's widened and she started yelling again, but it was muffled by Andy's hands.

"Em, stop it. I'm not going to kill them. Neither are you or Nigel. I know you want to. I want to myself but that's not going to solve anything. The pain I feel isn't going to disappear because they're dead, Em. I was devastated over it but not anymore. That's why I was in the bathtub. I was thinking. And calming down," she slowly removed her hand from Emily's mouth as Emily started to calm down.

"But, Andy. It's not fair. We told you that she wasn't treating you right. Now, she pulls this stunt. You're not devastated anymore? _She's probably suppressing it. Oh God. The pain she must be going through. She was fully committed to that bitch, to the twins. _How can you be? Love, it's alright to cry. That damn bitch stole your heart and stomped on it."

"Aww Em. You called me "love". Remember you said the only English nickname I would get is "cow"? _It was an insult to her size at first but as they became closer as friends later, it had no longer had the same malice in tone, just friendly teasing and quirky endearment. _Trust me, I was devastated but I don't want to cry over her or about this anymore. The time for crying is over and I have made my choice at the fork in the road. I know you're mad for me and I love you for it but you need to stop encouraging murder because that would be so damn easy. And you're tempting me. I've chosen the _road less taken. _Don't tempt me with the easy way out."

"You are such an English nerd. Robert Frost, really. You can't stop me from tempting you. And if you've already made your choice, then I will support you in every way that I can. You need to tell Nigel. He should hear it from you or the both of us will start plotting a murder. _She looks alright now, tired with racoon eyes but I'm not letting her out of my sight until we meet Nigel and he has a look at her. _Let me text Nigel for Brunch. You go sleep. No amount of make-up is going to cover those racoon eyes if you stay up any longer.

They made the way to the bedroom and Andy changed into a t-shirt and shorts while Emily laid on the left side of the bed and stared at the ceiling. _Why her? Why Andy? She doesn't deserve this kind of pain. And she actually had to see it. How will she ever recover from this? _Andy jumped on the bed and studied Emily's dark expression, jolting said woman out of her thoughts. "You cow, you could have crushed me," Emily teased, lightening the tension since she knew she was caught.

"I'll crush you if you continue calling me cow. I'm a size four, missy. This is like a mini-sleepover/slumber party! We haven't had these in awhile, huh Em?" she punctuated the question with a yawn. She mumbled, "Don't worry. I have a plan…you'll see," her eyes drooping as the white ceiling above her slowly faded into darkness. _It's nice to know that Em's around._

_"_Very funny, Cincinnati. Yeah we need to have a Grey's marathon soon," she said, staring at the same white ceiling. She heard some weird jumble and then light snoring, "well, there she goes." She took her phone out and texted Nigel.

CODE BLACK. ANDY. MEET FOR BRUNCH AT 11.

* * *

_Yes, Miriam. What is it going to be this time? _

She is disappointed by her own response to that question. _Disappointed? I'm surprised, Miriam. You stupid bitch. _She regrets her answer, which had translated to leaning forward and kissing that smug son of a bitch on his mouth. She hates that she is an insecure and desperate middle-age woman, that she is defined by a stack of paper bound by glue called Runway. She hates that she jerked forward, earning a moan and a hard bite on her lower lip, drawing blood. She tasted her own blood on her tongue and she choked down the bile and disgust that she felt. _You deserve it._

When she finally detached her lips from his, she regained her breath and laid down her terms. _Terms, Miriam? Is that what people call it now? _Her mouth tasted bitter. _Is that regret or his fucking cum in your mouth, Miriam? _She stared blankly at the white ceiling as she lied in her bed, a bed she realised that she had been sharing with Andrea for the past year and a half. _You betrayed her for this? Tsk tsk._ Muscular arms laid across her midsection, effectively trapping her in her own bed, a bed that once felt safe and warm. _You were humiliated and fucked like a common whore here._

She should feel accomplished and contented. She got what she wanted. _What did you lose in return? _"You need to sign the new employment contract that I drew up with the Elias Clark lawyers before we do anything else," she placed her hands on his chest, gently pushing him away. "Aren't you a smart thing? Since you asked so nicely, I'll sign it." James Clark was no fool. He knew the contents of that contract before they even met at the Hamptons. _I was waiting for her to bring it up. Patiently, if I may add. _He also understood that without Runway US, Elias Clark would be fucked. He also knew that Runway US is Miranda Priestly. He had no problems keeping her as the Editor and he wasn't about to let small man Irv melt the Golden Calf just because his small penis couldn't handle a woman like her. She is the logical business choice. _The fact that you get fuck her for it is a bonus._

"Excuse me? Did you just agree to signing a contract you haven't even read?" needless to say, Miranda Priestly was surprised. _Stanford Law. Sure. _"Yeah. Go get the contract, baby. The faster you get it, the faster I get to enjoy the _full service _you're promising," he smiled. He placed his signature in the designated areas and _You're a whore. You were a subtle one before this but now I guess any dignity you have left was flushed out of your body with your orgasms. _

At this point, if she could pay to have the ground open up and swallow her whole, she would. _You made your choice at the fork in the road. _Her thoughts were interrupted as the body beside her started to stir. _I hope he fucks you again. You deserve it for being a whore. _She closed her eyes, unwilling to deal with James and the choices she made while a stray tear slipped down the side of her cheek. _Are you crying because you betrayed the only person to love you or because your fucking ego got bashed up by a 25 year old? _At this, more tears started to fall and she curled to the side, hiding her face with the pillow. _The latter huh? I thought so too. You're disgusting, Miriam. _

_"_Hey. Miranda? Uhm. Miranda? I'm gonna take off. I've had a good time with you. It was a good experience. These past weeks, yesterday and just now. We'll have a professional relationship from here on. Thanks, babe," he gathered the clothes that he discarded the night before and left the townhouse.

_Good news, you were a a good experience. Like an amusement ride. As they say it, achievement unlocked, Miriam._

To be continued.

* * *

Tell me what you think, of Emily or your predictions/suggestions. I want to know! You know how it thrills me. :) I'll give you a head's up for the next chapter to keep you sated if you drop me a review.

Luce.


	4. Rest Stop

**Disclaimer  
**All characters with the exception of James Clark belongs to Lauren Weisberger.

**Warning  
**The content of this fanfiction may trigger ill emotions and feelings due to the mature rating attached to the explicit content. A very strict warning to the level of mature and violent themes present in this fanfiction. Please be advised that if you choose to read it, it is entirely at your own risk.

**A/N  
**Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter. Sorry about the time it took for me to post this chapter. It's really long and I was doing a lot of editing to decide on whether I should keep it at its original length or split it up. In the end, I decided to split it up. But unlike Chapter 2, which is in two parts, I have decided to make it a different chapter instead.

Before you go on to read this chapter, please take note that I have, indeed changed James' age to 25. (as an answer to Yagiza92's review) This is just an adjustment that I decided on for future plot purposes. ;)

To those who reviewed and got their sneak peek, thank you!

Unbeta-ed. Sorry about spelling errors.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Lost and Insecure  
****Chapter 3 : Rest Stop**

She looked to the person sleeping beside her, messy brown locks strewn across the pillow as said person drooled from the corner of her mouth. _Gross. _Even asleep, she radiated kindness and compassion. _Miranda exploited that big heart of hers, bruised and took parts of it without giving any in return. A lot of people do it everyday, even yourself at first, Em. _Her thoughts were interrupted by a continuous silent buzz. Her hands gripped her phone, trained to answer calls by the second ring but her caller ID suggested a very angry gay best friend. _I have no idea what to say. I don't think Andy would want a repeat performance of saying it to Nigel. Great. _She slid off the bed and padded barefoot to the living room, surveying the condition of the furnitures that she picked out as she pressed to answer the call.

"H-"

"Wanna explain to me why I got a "code black" text at 6.30 on a Saturday morning? If she was injured, a hospital would have called me. _Also, that would have been a code red. _Spill it so that I can formulate an appropriate response/action when our dear Six tells me over brunch," Nigel Kipling said in a single breath after hearing the other line being picked up. Code Black. _Fuck. This early? Our illustrious editor must have struck again. _

_He's going to go to the townhouse and kill them if I tell him over the phone. I know I would. _"As I was about say, hi to you too, Nige. No, she's not at the bloody hospital. She's fucking asleep after being awake for what I'm sure was more than 40 hours. _I wonder why she isn't. Sleep depravation and shocking discovery sounds like a recipe for a breakdown to me. Then again, people don't normally commit themselves to the psych ward after an emotional breakdown. She's also stronger than anyone you know. _If you want to know what it is before she drops the shit bomb herself, you can come over to the apartment. I dropped by after leaving that guy I shagged from Morley's yesterday. _And almost shit my pants._ Come now or wait till brunch. Your fucking choice. _I either get the great joy of telling you or she does, in a very public setting. For everyone's sake. Even fucking Miranda's. And James Clark's balls." _Emily said as she prayed that Nigel would drag himself out of a very comfortable bed to listen to what she had to say here. _So she never has to repeat what she said to me out loud ever again._

"Em, you're making it sound like life and death. Are you sure Six is okay? I'm calling a cab now. I'll be there in 10," Nigel was already pulling his shirt and pants, midway of dressing with the phone stuck to his ear even before Emily told him to choose. _It's not even a choice. It's Six and Em. And also, Emily cursing means the situation must be deadly. _As she heard the other line click shut without another word, she let out a breath. _Well, technically you kind of want to make it a death and death situation. Stop it. You never thought you would ever want/need to kill your boss because she cheated on your best friend who was your mortal enemy before this. You never thought you would find a best friend, who looked past your thick make-up and stuck-up stupidity. _

_"_Hey Em, you don't have to do this in front of me. You're cool. Just you," she said after she stumbled into the Emily's bedroom with bags of clothes that she got from Paris. Emily Charlton didn't say a word to her except to sniff and tilt her head to indicate the bedroom. _You have to be joking, Andrea Sachs. The Mirror's newest cub reporter. _Andy was relentless, she wanted Emily as a friend. She was amused by the whole facade she put on at work and she wanted to know the Brit as a person and friend. "So, how are you? Your leg okay?" while she gave the bewildered woman in front of her a bright shining smile. _Just like first day of middle school. Just stick your hand out and say your name, Andy-bear. People will fall in love with you soon enough. I certainly hope so, mom. _

Emily would always remember that smile, warm and kind like the sun when she replied her ex-colleague's questions. "I'm good. The leg doesn't hurt as much anymore." Then the smile turned into an adorable smug sort when she continued, "Do you want some tea? I could spare some for a cub reporter like you." _I broke you, Em! Ha! _Tea quickly turned into a Grey's +tequila sleepover marathon and the rest was history. _She is the best friend any snooty British girl could ever ask for. The warm and gooey kind that absolutely disgusted her. Some of the time anyway. Now, how do I fucking tell Nigel that Miranda and the Golden Boy bumped uglies and Andy caught them in the fucking act. _

* * *

Nigel Kipling liked to pride himself as being easy-going and calm. Well, at least most of the time he was. He made sure to be. _You can't keep your sanity while working for the Dragon Lady without those qualities. _Unless it was a last minute "request" by Miranda to reshoot an entire week's worth of work in 2 days, an unscheduled/surprise Art department meeting with Miranda or after seeing the state of Andy's wardrobe before he introduced her to the wonders of the Closet. Or as he just found out, being told by one of your best friend that your other best friend caught your boss which happens to be her girlfriend with your boss's boss.

"So, I don't want you to be disturbing, which is why we're standing in the fire escape. _This way, if you wanted to run/jump, I could catch up or catch you. Try to at least. _As you saw just now to make sure I wasn't lying, Andy is sleeping and snoring like a cow in the bed. Which means that she left work early, which also makes it weird that she's here, am I right? Since we both fucking know that she would rather be at the townhouse every chance she got. Only _when fucking Miranda wants her to be._

_"_Yeah, I don't see how that has got to do with anything. She's sleepy, okay?" Nigel asked, perplexed as to why Emily's voice was a mix between a squeaky mouse and growling bear.

"Shut up and don't fucking say a word or do anything until I finish the next sentence," she retorted with a glare. _Oh use the Miranda glare, Em! That always works on Nige. _"She went there after work and she found Miranda with James, fucking in the bedroom and when I came round, I found her in the bathtub completely submerged," she breathed out, her voice soft and low. She didn't trust herself to actually complete the sentence but her voice pulled through. _Muscle memory, I guess. Since you fucking rehearsed like a lunatic before he arrived._ She gripped the railing, her knuckles turning white as the horrible image entered her mind once again since Andy's revelation. She stared at the bald man in front of her as she studied his response.

Nigel Kipling was anything but calm and easy-going now. He saw red and he was willing to bet that he wanted to pull a code red on a certain Dragon editor and publishing empire heir. He could feel Emily's eyes on him but he had closed his eyes earlier to prevent her from seeing the exact emotions that flooded his entire system. _DAMMIT MIRANDA! SHIT! ANDY. SIX MUST BE DEVASTATED. SHE LOVES THAT UNGRATEFUL UNAPPRECIATIVE BITCH. YOU SUCKED HER BACK INTO THIS WORLD. YOU TOLD MIRANDA ABOUT ANDY'S CRUSH. YOU FUCKING FUCKING IDIOT. _He clenched his jaw, his eyelids fluttered to reveal an unreadable expression as his eyes were devoid of emotions. _I did this to her. I sent her as a sacrifice to the fucking Dragon. Sure, it was good to have the Dragon happy and sated, but it shouldn't have cost his best friend's heart and soul. She was sucking the life and self worth out of poor Six. It was too late then, Nige. She was already head over heels._

"Nige? Tell me what you're thinking. Please. This whole thing you're doing now is fucking scary. If you're planning murder, I demand to be a part of it," she asked, nervous as her voice held none of her usual composure. _I can't believe you just asked to be an accomplice to murder, Emily. I can't believe a lot of things today. Spare me. _

As he heard Emily's almost-nervous question, he snapped out of his angry rage against Miranda, his own guilt from being matchmaker and pain for his friend. "Murder is the last thing from my mind. That, would be too easy on those two," he said while brushing past Emily to head back into the apartment. "Where the fuck are you going? Don't you dare wake her up," Emily trailed behind Nigel as he ignored her question and warning, heading into the kitchen. _He's getting the knife. Oh fuck. _

Nigel's mind ran a mile a second. He was frantically trying to think of a way to punish his long-time friend, who betrayed him over and over again. _Something which she paid back over and over again. But this is different. She betrayed Andy. Loyal and loving Andy. Slightly unfashionable some days and irritatingly insecure when it came to Miranda but Andy. You thought you could get away with it, Miranda. A part of me wished you did. _He knew his friend and his best friend. They weren't as happy recently, weary from the hiding and long hours. Andy was still very much in love, even if slightly exasperated by Miranda's demands, a few days ago when they spoke on the phone. _I wonder if that has changed. _He shook his head as he scoured the kitchen, opening cupboards, trying to find his goal. _Even if it has, her heart must be broken into a million pieces. OH FUCK! EMILY FUCKING FOUND HER IN THE TUB. SHIT!_

Finally he gave up and asked the woman that was tracking him with her eyes, as she stood oddly protective over the block that held all the knifes, "What does it take for a man to get some scotch after hearing such a God-awful revelation. Here I thought, you Brits knew the proper way to break bad news to people." Emily's eyes widened, "Scotch? You were looking for scotch. Uh. I thought -" _Thank God! She's devastated but I think she might die entirely if Miranda died. It's Andy, she wouldn't stop loving someone within a few hours. _"Yes, Em. Scotch._ She's still in shock. You always knew that Miranda was a fucking bitch and slut for Runway. You thought she was going to change for real true love. Naive much, Nigel? _What did you think,Em? A butcher knife? Poison would be less messy, yes?" _So much CSI and she hasn't learned yet. Then again, she has always been secretly violent. _

_"_Yes, but as I was telling Em earlier, killing them wouldn't solve anything," a groggy voice sounded from behind them as Andy tried to pat her messy hair down. _I don't understand how it can get so messy. _She rubbed her eyes and yawned, trying to adjust her now puffy eyes to see her best friends who had a "deer in headlights" expression in the kitchen as she leaned on the frame of her bedroom door. "The scotch is in the cabinet near the bookcase, Nige. Isn't it too early for such a hard drink? You okay?"

Nigel was first to recover, "Yeah. I'm okay. _The question is, are you? _It's five somewhere in the world right, Em? I think you need one too." The silent question was evident as he stared into the chocolate brown orbs. _She looks like a panda with her racoon eyes and swollen eyes. "_Yeah. I could drink the whole bottle at this point. Why are you awake? Go back to sleep, you look like a Chinese racoon or is it panda?" Emily grumbled, pushing past both of them to retrieve said bottle from the cupboard. She was angry, annoyed, tired, angry, angry, exasperated, and torn up because she knew her friend's heart just got pushed into a fucking meat grinder by her boss that could call anytime. _She thinks you're still her fucking assistant and you've been Assistant Art Director for a year now. I can't wait for Monday._

_I've been better but I'm okay, Nige. Really. _"Five somewhere huh? I think I'll pass. Coffee for me please. You guys want anything to eat? Since you're here, Nige, we might as well have brunch here. _I don't want to go out yet. _Aww Em. You're being a grumpy cat again. Your favourite lowfat wheat pancakes instead of JD? Let me wash up first." she asked as she headed into the bathroom to wash up.

As soon as she left the room, Nigel and Emily exchanged worried glances. _So we're not allowed to kill the adulterers. You could have told me earlier, Em. I would have done it secretly then. What do you think I was trying to do by standing in front of the knife block? And, you're not allowed to have all the fun. _"She doesn't look too bad. Maybe the nap helped. She looked dead on her feet _or rather in the tub _when I just got here earlier." "Yeah, she does. But it could just be the calm before the storm or worse, she's at the centre of the hurricane. _Shit! Let her be stronger than this storm. Damn you Miranda. You destroyed the other good thing in your life beside the twins and fucking Runway. _What do you think she'll do after this? Should we be prepared for a TV marathon and ice-cream? Or tissues and hugs? Or both?"

"I'm going back to the townhouse on Sunday. But I'll have brunch with you and a that marathon you were talking about, if the two of you don't mind," Andy's husky voice from her sore throat answered Nigel's question. _She has got to stop doing that. I think my heart may just collapse if I get anymore surprises at this point. Such a sissy, Emily. _Caught once again by Andy's surprise attack, Emily squeaked out, _"_You're g-going bac-ck to the fucking townhouse on Sunday?" _Bloody fucking HELL NO. _Her glare told Andy that she was not letting her near that damned woman at all. Nigel was surprised, Andy wasn't the type to run away but he didn't expect her to be confrontational. _Oh God. She's going to kill her. Shit! For mine and Em's sake, Andy better not be messy about it! That is, if emily doesn't beat her to the punch. Look at her glare. _"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, you don't have to y'know? You can just rest since you have a whole weekend off right? It can be later this week if you want to pick up your clothes. _When Miranda is in her fucking office. _

"I don't think so guys. I want to see the girls before I leave," Andy took note of their expression and knew immediately that it was going to be a long brunch. "Let me start cooking, the you can voice out all that is screaming in your heads now later. After food. I'm hungry," she determined and proceeded to pull out ingredients for pancakes.

_See the girls. Before she LEAVES? Leave the townhouse and them? Did she forget that Miranda will be around? What is she doing? She's so calm and collected. Almost unreadable yet it's still the Andy we know. _Nigel was perplexed and confused about the way Andy was behaving but he was willing to give her any slack she wanted and instead replied, "Six, can I get normal wheat pancakes please?" "Andy gave him the most dazzling smile, "Sure, Nige. Coming right up!" _That wasn't too difficult. Now for Em. _Emily's reaction came as a surprise to both herself and Andy, it was the sound of her stomach grumbling. "So, I think that speaks for itself, doesn't it. Feed me, you promised," she said in a light teasing manner. Andy just threw her head back and laughed, surprising her two guests. _She hasn't laughed like that in ages. I haven't laughed like that in ages. That feels good. I want to feel good again. _

* * *

"I don't understand why you would want to put yourself through it. You don't owe them anything. The twins will understand one day but you need to guard your heart from anymore damages. Darling cow, you know Nigel and I will be here for you but I really need you to guard your heart and look out for your best interest instead of Miranda's or the twin's," Emily said softly as the both of them stood side by side in front of the sink, washing and drying the dishes they had used for brunch. _Manually because this woman enjoys manual labour far too much. "There's a perfectly good dishwasher there. I know because I ordered it to be installed knowing that you would want to do this." "Em, it'll give us time to talk while Nigel attempts to set up Grey's on the TV." "I'm guessing that should take awhile since he hasn't figured out how to do so since forever."_

"Em, I know you don't understand but I want you to know that I am guarding my heart. I realise now that I wasn't before this happened but now I know better. I need to see the twins, to tell them that I'm not abandoning them, just leaving their mom. I'm not going to see Miranda. It's too soon. _Will too soon ever end, Andy? Do you think you can look into those stormy blue eyes and not crumble all over again?_ But I need to at least tell the twins that I won't be around as much. I don't owe them anything but I love them. _And I love-loved their mother. Okay, I don't know about that one. _Thank you for being here. You've both been murderously supportive and I love you for it but I need to ask for a favour. I need you to get Miranda out of the house," Andy asked, turning to face her best friend, whose face twisted into a grimace.

"Do you know what you're asking? You know what happened the last time someone tried to make Miranda do something. Bloody hell, you better think of something because I'm thinking and I can't imagine how Miranda would let you out of her sight if she knew that you know about _you know what. _Fuck! I know you love the twins. You spend a lot of your time with them. Hell, we've even spent an afternoon with them in this apartment and I saw you with them. I-I just don't want you to hurt anymore okay?" Emily cursed and mumbled, her voice lower at her unusual emotional admission. _You bloody cow, why can't she be cold and ruthless about this. It would make the kill and kill plan so much smoother. ARGH! Fuck how am I going to get her out of the house? Shit. Nigel's gotta help too. That fucking bastard got Andy into this. Well, to be fair, Andy was happy, like ridiculously blind and happy until this happened. Or at least she claimed to be. Even though you saw the sadness in her eyes. URGH! _Emily's face betrayed her thoughts and Andy learned to read them well over the course of their friendship.

Oomph. She reached around Emily's slim waist and pulled her into an Andy-bear hug. Her voice muffled by Emily's hair, "Okay, Em. I love you." Emily choked up at Andy's muffled admission, her hands stuck to her side as Andy left no room for her to return the hug but she felt the love pouring out from Andy. "Don't you dare get soap on my dress. Love you too, even if you act like a cow about your own heart." Andy smiled as she heard Emily's reply, pulling back to study the Brit's face. _That's Em. _"I'll talk to Nigel when I get the chance, to ask him about tomorrow and assure him that I didn't try to kill myself in the tub. I'm sure you didn't leave that part out when you told him. Thank you." _For telling him. For taking that burden away. For being you. _"Of course I didn't. Don't you know, I'm efficient like that. I'm going to call up some people and see if I can get them to fib for me. I should still have some influence left over from when I was first assistant." She sniffed out, drying her hands and left the kitchen but made eye contact with Andrea before she turned to leave. _Don't be silly. I wanted to plan multiple murders with him. _Andy could only beam at her in return.

* * *

She finally got the chance to talk to Nigel when Emily left the apartment for her own. "I'm going back to change. Someone here got soap on my dress and I need a shower and fresh clothes after yesterday. I'll be back in a few hours. No more than three. You have a lot of episodes to catch up. You can go ahead. You, stay here." She pointed to Nigel, picked up her bag and left without another word after exchanging some glances with Andy and Nigel. _The both of you better come up with a fucking plan. WATCH HER LIKE A HAWK, NIGE! I will, Brit! You don't have to tell me._

"So, I see that you didn't manage to even switch it on. Still so hopeless, huh Nige?" Andy teased, lightening the mood of the room as she settled on the couch. She picked up the remote and clicked a few buttons. The TV came to life and Nigel scoffed, "Show off."

The both of them stared at the TV, not actually watching the content, both deep in thought until Nigel broke the silence. "Six?" "Yeah, Nige?"

"You would tell me if you weren't okay, right? I'm worried. Em said she found you and-," Nigel said softly but he was interrupted by Andy who turned to her side to look at the balm man sitting on the couch with her. "Nige, the tub was a misunderstanding. I fell asleep or something and I held my breathe under water and looked at the ceiling. She coincidently found me when I closed my eyes. Just for a second. Both of you know that I wouldn't do that, right? And to answer your question, yeah I would. Which is why I haven't. I'm okay, Nige." She said softly, studying Nigel's face for disbelief.

"Of course I know. It's just that-You are oddly calm about this. _Not that I would prefer it if you bawled your eyes out or raging with anger. _I just don't want you to keep it all in. That's what Em and I are here for. We're here for you. Don't you dare forget that, Six," he said earnestly and smiled. As she returned the smile, the radiant beam that was so _Six, _the one that could melt the polar ice caps, he knew at that moment that she had already purged any self-pity or wallowing sadness that he thought she had. _That's why her eyes are swollen like a panda and with that smile, I can't see her eyes at all. _"So you fell asleep in the tub huh? Klutzy Six much? I would have wanted to see Em's expression when you told her that. The both of you watch too much CSI," he teased, turning to watch the TV as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her in for a hug. _I'm glad you're okay. Me too, Nige. _

_"_Oh, I forgot to ask," she sat back up to face him. "I need to see the twins. Will you help me get her out of the house for a little bit? Emily said okay sorta but she wants you to come up with a plan. She also mentioned that she would try to cash in some favours. Will you please help me? I need to tell the twins that I won't be coming around anymore. I can't just abandon them, Nige," she asked and then waited with bated breath for his reply. _FUCK I almost forgot about her wanting to back there tomorrow. Shit, so this is what Emily meant by watching her. Great no I have to come up with a plan. She still loves the twins. And possibly their mother if she doesn't want to just disappear on them. Oh fucking great. Bloody fuck. The last time someone tricked or made Miranda do something she didn't wanted, she…erm let's not go there, Nigel. Then again, Emily wouldn't hesitate to kill her if she has nothing to lose anymore. Neither will I. Fuck Fuck. Andy and her relentless kindness. _

He didn't say anything, staring at the characters in blue scrubs running around, the bloody gushing out from a part of the body that he couldn't name. _It's Six. You owe her this much. _"Sure. Let me think of something. I'll still have to talk to Em about who she called though," he smiled and adjusted his glasses, taking in her surprised, guppy fish imitation. "Just like that? No lecture, nothing?" Andy asked, surprised. "Oh honey, I'm the good cop remember? You have your mom, Emily for that. She's the bad cop." At that, Andy threw her head back, laughing loudly and deeply. The thought of Em and Nige having a child together was absurd. What made it more ridiculous was that they would both die of a heart attack if their child was a unfashionable klutz like Andy. Nigel laughed along with her, enjoying the rich tones of her laughter. _It's been awhile since she laughed that much. I missed it. Even if it sounded like a witch-pig hybrid when she cackles and snorts. _

* * *

She blew out a breath that she didn't know she held until she stood in front of the door. _It's been awhile since you last stood here. _The key to the lock that dug into her palm as she gripped it called out to her. She had kept it after her tenure as the first assistant. _Why? I don't know. I don't want to know. _She sent a text to Miranda to tell her that she was on the way. _To tell you that I know. To see your expression as I relay my disgust and anger. To get the satisfaction of berating you, calling you every bad word my mother told me not to say in front of polite company. To slap you for breaking your promise. Oh right. How can I forget? You were smart enough to never make any promises out loud. Queen of Subtlety. Tell that to Page Six and the gossip pages that had pictures of you and that asshole. I should have known. You are, after all, the Dragon lady. Miranda fucking Priestly. Fashion royalty. _She exchanged glances with Nigel who stood beside her, both of them sighing as the door swung open.

The door revealed a well dressed Miranda with an expression that was rather unusual on her face. On the outside, she looked like her usual angry-bored and frustrated but to trained eyes like theirs, they could detect that she was flustered and confused. Possibly even guilty at the sight of the both of them at her front door. _Good, be guilty. You have a lot to be guilty for. _Their spines straightened to a ramrod position as they took in that new information. _This should be interesting. _

Her face devoid of her usual smile when the word rolled off her tongue and left her mouth, "Miranda."

To be continued…

* * *

So, tell me what you think in the form of reviews or PM! The more feedback I receive, the faster the next chapter gets posted up.

Before I forget, please listen to Enough by Emeli Sande. She doesn't have a studio version of it but the Royal Albert Hall version is good. Find it on youtube. Listen to it and re-read the last chapter. I beg you to tell me what you think.

Luce.


	5. Collision Course (i)

**Disclaimer  
**All characters with the exception of James Clark belongs to Lauren Weisberger.

**Warning  
**The content of this fanfiction may trigger ill emotions and feelings due to the mature rating attached to the explicit content. A very strict warning to the level of mature and violent themes present in this fanfiction. Please be advised that if you choose to read it, it is entirely at your own risk.

**A/N  
**Hey guys! Thanks to those who reviewed, followed and favourited this fic. Really appreciate it! Thanks for being patient with me as well.

A special shoutout to _number09 _who ordered me to sleep after I revealed that I have been up for the longest time. After much needed rest, I have cranked out my longest chapter yet. 12,000+ words. _I know. It's crazy. _So, some of you may curse me but I have decided to split it up into two parts, like Chapter 2 : Fork in the Road. Also, _number09 _have volunteered to be my scapegoat so you can also direct your impatience and hunger for the next part at her. ;) _I did forewarn you, number09! _

Anyways, don't forget to tell me what you think! Or I might withhold the next part! ;) haha joking. Maybe.

Unbeta-ed. Sorry about spelling errors.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Lost and Insecure  
Chapter 4.1 : Collision Course (i)**

"Miranda"

She let them in wordlessly, refusing to converse while they stood at her doorstep. "What are you doing here?" she ignored the voice that uttered her name and stared at Nigel instead. _His jaw is locked and even though he doesn't look angry, I know that face. He is livid, passed the point of showing it outwardly. There were only a few times that Nigel Kipling showed this side of him. The not-so-jolly and upset. Only once towards Miranda, which was in Paris two years ago. It makes no sense since I should be angry that my evening with the girls got interrupted. What is the meaning of this? _She masked her confusion further when she looked at the woman standing before her. _She said she was on the way with no mention of Nigel being with her. She looks worse than Nigel. And it wasn't the usual nervousness she exuded around me. It felt like she was holding herself back by a bare thread. Like something was going to break lose any minute. _Since she received no answer from the man, she turned her attention to her auburn-haired ex-assistant turned Assistant Art Director. "Emily, what is the meaning of this?" she said in a soft menacing hiss with her signature glare.

Emily swallowed visibly, uncertain if her the pit-feeling she felt was from the glare she received or the fact that their plan might fail gloriously._The things I do for that silly cow._ She steeled her voice to sound composed, "Miranda, I have called Roy and he will take both Nigel and yourself to Runway. He has something to tell you that I think you would want to hear and it should be away from any ears." _Good, Emily. As rehearsed! I wonder what would happen if I slapped her. She would make sure you never work again on this planet. So I guess the smart move would be to kill her off entirely. Really, Em?_

Miranda was livid, her eyes glowed with rage and she said in a low voice, "Did you smack your head on the pavement on your way here? You stopped being my assistant two years ago. You are not privy to my schedule and if you were, you would know that the twins are home from their father's. I. AM. NOT. GOING. ANYWHERE. Even if I were to entertain your stupid proposal, who is going to stay with the girls? Andrea is at her stupid rag and I let Cara off for the weekend."

At the mention of Andy, Nigel and Emily stilled and exchanged glances. Emily's eyes widened, instantly seeing red. _FUCK IT! Let's just kill her already. She doesn't respect Andy or the job that she loves at all. _Nigel reached out and squeezed her arm, _STOP IT! You said you wanted to continue your professional relationship with her as your boss. So, poker face, Miss Em! Furthermore, Andy would be furious if we killed her with the twins at home. _Miranda could see Emily's eyes gleam but after receiving a glare from Nigel, she blinked and reopened her eyes and a mask of indifference replaced that off gleam. _What is wrong with the both of them?_

Miranda has never been more confused by the behaviour of her staff. She didn't understand the glances they exchanged but it reminded her of the twins telepathic mode of communication. She smiled inwardly. _Hmm. Nigel and Emily as twins. _Nigel spoke, for the first time stepping inside the house, "It's about Andy. Emily will stay with the twins until you return. Order takeout. You take a trip with me to Runway, we have a few things to discuss." The tone he used left little for argument, it wasn't his usual teasing tone or the editor-art director tone that he used when they were at work. Miranda noted he locked his stare at her, his clenched jaw and Emily's clenched fist as said woman stared at her heels, unwilling to meet Miranda's piercing blue eyes. _Andrea? What about her? She's at that rag. She should be back for dinner. If she was hurt, they would have called from the hospital. What is it with all this uninspiring mystery?_

Miranda relented to their mysterious nervousness and frustration. _It's not like you were having a good time here, with the memories of yesterday. The twins are still angry and they learned to take a passive aggressive stance to show their displeasure at their mother. _Her heart still ached at the reception she received from them when Jonathan dropped them off.

* * *

Miranda was working on the Book after spending the rest of yesterday lying down,cleaning and bathing. Placing comments and red-marked circles on each page productively when she received a text from Caroline that read, Dad dropping us off in 20. _No smiley emote icons._ _No "Hi mom". It sounds like something you would write to your assistants, Miriam. I guess we know where they get it from. _She placed a bookmark on the current page and left the her study for the Kitchen. She entered the kitchen and her nose picked up the disinfectant that she had used to clean the house. _You might have went a bit overboard on your quest to purge the house from James' presence. _His scent haunted her. _Like the guilt, Miriam? _She couldn't stop the smell of his musk, imagining his scent all over the house, driving her to do more housework than she had done in a long time. _Stop gagging already. I didn't see you gag when he had his cock down your throat. Oh wait, you did at one point, Miriam. _She stripped the bedsheets and burned them in the fireplace in her study, her eyes clouded as she stared at the evidence of her infidelity being burned to ashes. _If only you could burn those memories and guilt in the fire. Too bad, Miriam. Too fucking bad. _She then took a scented bubble bath after all the work of cleaning any possible surface that made contact with James. She desperate needed to rid her skin of James, scrubbing her entire boy raw. _Enjoying the pain are you? You deserve it really? Scrub harder! _She then used a douche to clean her insides, tears flowed freely as she remembered the assault and willing _service_ she had subjected herself to. She felt a burning pain, the hot water doing little to ease the pain she felt but she continued. _I need to be clean._

She pulled out some ready-made dough that the chef kept in case the twins suddenly asked for cookies. She doled it out into dollar sized pieces and placed it in the oven. _That should mask the smell of the disinfectant. _She leaned on the counter and looked around the kitchen. She had memories of Andrea and the twins making pancakes and throwing flour at one another. Warm and loving memories that made her heart ache as it was interrupted with the image of James and herself exchanging words at the table. She shrugged away that horrible exchange and thought of another instance in the kitchen where she was with Andrea instead.

Andy liked to sit on the island when she came down in the middle of the night to make a hot chocolate drink for her gastric pains which were frequent due to the odd hours that she was forced to consume her meals as a cub reporter and previously as Miranda's second assistant. Despite Miranda's comments whenever she caught the younger woman doing so, the sight of Andrea in her boxers and tank top caused a stir below her abdomen. It felt so domestic and it was an endearing sight when she would stare off into space with her doe eyes as her long shapely legs swung off the island. Of course it helped that Miranda enjoyed ravishing her on the island, bruising and marking what was hers. _Come for me, Andrea. Come NOW! _The wonderful memory was once again rudely interrupted as her eyes were suddenly drawn to the chair where she returned James' advances. Miriam, _you mean where you pushed yourself against him like a slut. _She pushed the voice, smell and image away. She had her reasons and she accomplished what she set out to do. _It's amazing how lost you are, Miriam. SHUT UP! _She dragged herself out of the reverie and focused on the return of her daughters from their father's. _They'll be less angry when Andrea gets here. They have taken to her so well._

Just then, the front door swung open and she heard the girls chorused, "Bye dad! Yeah, love you too…" Miranda walked out to the foyer to greet them, her heart clenching as she couldn't remember the last time they said "love you too" to her. She couldn't remember exactly when they started pulling away from her. It started even before their trip to the Hamptons which confused Miranda since she couldn't pinpoint the source of their displeasure. It wasn't obvious either which made Miranda even more worried as they learned the art of subtle passive-aggressiveness from their mother. _Payback's a bitch, Miriam. Just like you. _"Hi bobbseys. Mommy missed you so much," reaching out to hug both of them. They didn't circle their arms around her as she pulled them in for the hug. Instead they chorused, "Mom" in an almost monotonous tone that wasn't entirely disrespectful but entirely too polite as well. _What is happening to my girls? My babies. _She drew back from the hug to study the both of them. They were taller than she last realised, the differences in their faces more prominent, the piercing blue-grey eyes that mirrored her own held more indifference and maturity now. A startling contrast to the wide-eyed childish mischievousness that Miranda used to see. _They are growing up. Into young women that had their opinions and differences. Are you surprised, Miriam? You miss a lot when you keep yourself busy with your Runway dreams._

* * *

They sat next together in the backseat of the car as their father's driver drove them towards home. They exchanged silent conversations as they simultaneously responded to their father's conversation with the both of them. A skill they mastered when they realised that it was unbecoming for people to realise that they were having a silent conversation. The fact that people knew they were exchanging silent telepathic conversations were bad enough even if they aren't privy to the content. _I don't want to go back, Caro. _Cassidy, the angsty twin as Andy jokingly nicknamed told her older sister by 3 minutes, Caroline, the sensitive twin, frustrated by the fact that the three story townhouse that they called home only felt like home when Andy was around. _Well, we're going there anyway. At least Andy will be back for dinner tonight. She promised remember? _Caroline knew that her sister was frustrated and angry with their mother, annoyed that their mother was about as clueless as a brick when it came to them and Andy. For someone so influential and successful, Caroline was hurt that her mother rarely made the effort to be with them. _She used to, when she started dating Andy. Then slowly, it stopped. It's like she stopped trying altogether. TELL ME ABOUT IT! UGH! I HATE THIS. I MISS ANDY! Me too. You left Carly's magazine at Dad's right? The one she bought this morning with the story about mom and that jerk on Saturday. OF COURSE I DID. I'm NOT DUMB. I know that Andy gets very quiet when she sees stories like that, Care. I was just checking. _Cassidy rolled her eyes while Caroline sighed, _I don't understand why mom keeps doing that. _They said simultaneously, their eyes widening as Cassidy said aloud, "Jinx!" "You can't jinx your own twin. That's cheating Cass." Cassidy relented and huffed. _Pfsh. Semantics, Care._

Jonathan looked at his daughters as Cassidy said "Jinx!" aloud and he knew immediately that they had been doing their twin "talk" as their therapist told him. _Multi-taskers, just like their mother. _The car stopped and they got out of the car in silence until he said, "So girls, I guess I'll see you the week after next? You're lucky you aren't going to be around next week, Carly is trying molecular gastronomy for the first time." The twins smiled sympathetically heading up the stairs as Jonathan continued, "Love you two! Be good for your mother!" And with that, he went back into the car after he waited for them to go in and he sped off. _Not looking forward to Carly's nth attempt at normal gastronomy at all._

The twins prepared themselves for a quiet house with their mother in her study. Instead she came out of the kitchen and the whole house smelled like a weird mix of detergent and cookies. Caroline scrunched up her nose and looked at Cassidy before their mother caught them "talking" to one another. _She was cleaning and cooking? OH GOD SOMETHING IS DEFINITELY WRONG. Do you think you know who was here? EWWW DON'T THINK ABOUT CARE! DON'T MAKE ME THINK ABOUT IT TOO! Gee, that's certainly an effective way of handling this. Stop it! Here she comes. We can talk about this later._

They realised that their mother's eyes which are the same colour as theirs studied them. To say that Caroline and Cassidy felt weird would be an understatement as their mother studied them like a stranger. Ugh Why is _she acting as if we've been gone forever, Care? I don't know? She did say that she missed us? _Cassidy quirked her left eyebrow, doubting Caroline's assessment as their mother smiled at them and said, "I baked some cookies. Do you two want some?"

_THAT'S IT! I'M CALLING IT, CARE! SHE BAKED! Calm down, will you? Smile, take a cookie and thank her. Then let's go up to our room and talk. Out loud. Except you're not allowed to scream like you're doing now. Thank God. HEY! _Surprisingly, her sister did as she was told. _Why does she feel the need to scream her thoughts is beyond me. Seriously. Who exclaims their thoughts? I guess we're just different like that. Which is totally cool. Andy said we're two different coloured peas in a pod. That kinda makes sense huh? YUP, TOTALLY! Cass…_

* * *

Miranda looked as they bounded up the stairs, intent on each other's company and a cookie each. It surprised her that they would only take one since they loved it. "Take more, bobbseys. I know you like them." She saw their eyes widened from surprise and Caroline replied, "We don't want to ruin dinner with Andy. Can we please have our cookie in our room?" She said and looked around, her sensitive nose detecting the pungent smell of detergent near the table and the mouth watering smell of the cookies clashing horridly. _I'm getting curiouser and curiouser about this whole cleaning thing. Hmm. _Miranda saw her daughter look around and panicked. _I cleaned everything. TWICE! Stop it. She's just surprised that I cleaned. She doesn't know. She can't be smelling James' horrid musk. "_Sure, bobbsey. Did Andrea tell you when she would be back?" Before Caroline could answer her mother, Cassidy jumped the gun, "Yeah when we talked to her on Friday morning. Didn't she tell you? _When was the last time you spoke to her?" _Cassidy was her mother's daughter, never one to shy away from a glorious exchange, looked at the mother expectantly, her silent question recognised by everyone in the kitchen.

_Cass… seriously. What if we don't like the answer, huh? _Cassidy's eyes widened. _Shit, I didn't think of that. Well, she should know when Andy's coming anyway. It's like in the rules or something. _Caroline rolled her eyes and answered her mom, "She said she'll be here around 6. We'll be down then. Thanks for the cookies." She then tugged her sister's elbow. _Rules for what? Don't even answer that. We both know the answer to that but mom never said it out loud. Not even when we asked. HATE IT WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT. I know… Me too._

Miranda didn't realise that the girls were gone until she heard them bound up the stairs. She recalls a message from Andrea that she didn't bother to reply because she was busy with a run-through. _When are you not busy with something, Miriam? _She went into her study and went through the message inbox for her phone, looking for Andrea's message. _She knows I'm busy. I don't reply her all the time anyway. How about never, Miriam? _Her Iphone had showed her a preview of the message and she recalled dismissing it after she read that Andrea wouldn't be around until Sunday.

Her heart fluttered uncomfortably as the text from Andrea read, "Hey, I know you're probably busy but you might read this. I'm going to be on duty until Sunday but I might get off earlier. I already told the girls who called during lunch period that I wouldn't be there until 6pm. Hopefully I can get someone to help me out and I can surprise them and you. I know you have a party tonight. I'm sure it'll be boring for you but you'll charm those board members anyway. You're Miranda Priestly after all. I haven't had more than cat naps since Wednesday and I can't wait to snuggle in bed with you. I'm sorry that we're missing the weekend when we're alone. Promise I'll make it up to you. I miss you. Alot. See you. A." _Well, she doesn't know what you did on Friday and Saturday. But Miriam, don't you think the twins are smelling blood already?_

* * *

Nigel and Emily held their breath at Nigel's calculated move. _If she hesitates, just continue insisting without telling her too much. She's far too curious to hear what you have to say, Nige. Use that. _They let out a silent breath when Miranda walked up the stairs wordlessly after an imperceptible nod. The fact that she was walking slower and more stiff than usual was not lost on both Nigel and Emily who fought every cell in their body to confront Miranda. _But Andy forbids that. No need a reminder, Em. Good luck, Nige! You too, Em. _They nodded at each other, both deep in thought about the next part of Andy's plan.

It was only after Miranda returned to the lower foyer, left instructions for Emily to call takeout for whatever the twins wanted for dinner and left with Nigel to trail after her did Emily mouth silently, "Go to hell, Miranda fucking Priestly." _Holding that in was as painful as when Andy made me eat my pancakes with whip cream and syrup. _She then texted Andy to tell her that the coast is clear and waited at the kitchen for Andy. _I hope you're right, Andy._

_Six is pretty good with plans. Or not. _Nigel thought as Miranda pressed a button to let the privacy partition for her town car slide upwards. Miranda asked in a low voice without turning to face Nigel who stared outside, "I don't make a habit of repeating myself. Tell me, Nigel." _Make sure she is in her office, before you say anything. She will try to ask you again in the car but you have to remain firm or she'll ask Roy to turn back and it'll be a bust. _"No." Miranda sniffed and turned her head to see the view from her window. _How very brave and droll. _The fact that the rest of the car ride was silent until they reached the Elias Clark building astounded Nigel. _Six really knows her well._

They shared an elevator, a move that Andrea predicted once again. _She'll let you share the elevator with her. Because she's impatient and curious. A combination that should work to your advantage. _It was only after Miranda sat in her seat and Nigel took the seat in front of her that Nigel let out a sigh. _Here it was. He was going to do it. He had added something else to their plan that he did not share with Emily and Andy. Something that he had to do in order to repay his debt to Andy. To dull the guilt of having brought Andy into this mess. FUCK! You're not going to push her off, are you? Oh my God, I'm hearing Em's voice in my head now. We're all going crazy. NO! OF COURSE NOT! I promised Andy that I wouldn't physically harm Miranda at all._

Miranda raised her eyebrow at Nigel's sigh, seeing the balm man in his checkered coat and pants. "Will you shed some light on this ridiculous mystery that Emily and yourself has decided to spin? Before I call Roy and leave you here to sigh your brains out. So what is it about Andrea?" Miranda's limited patience was becoming thinner as she took in Nigel's expression. She couldn't decide if it was anger, frustration, disappointment or sorrow that was etched across his face when he croaked, "Andy?"

"For goodness sake, are you trying to kill me with all this ridiculousness?" Miranda bristled, picking up her Channel tote as if getting ready to leave but the loud guffawed laughter that escaped the bald man in front of her stopped her. Before Miranda could act on the anger she currently felt, Nigel choked out, "For a matter a fact, I am. But Andy asked me not to. Oh this is hilarious. I can't believe you would ask me that…" he trailed off, his deep laughter slowly turning into an anguished choke. "Why wouldn't I? When you decide to play such silly games. What is the matter with you, Nigel?" she bristled. "…when you decide to cheat on Andy with that jerk," he chokes out. The laughter that never reached his eyes in the first place turned somber when he takes in Miranda's expression.

_Promise me you will at least try to stay on the script. You have to do this properly or she will blacklist the two of you. I don't care if she puts me on the list but I care about the both of you. Nigel, promise me. Don't humiliate her. The fact that you know is humiliating enough. Just tell her what I told you to say. Promise me, Nige. _And Nigel made a promise to Andy. He kept silent and stared at the table as Miranda turned her chair to face the window. They both knew that the fact that Miranda turned her chair around and was speechless meant that she couldn't deny it.

Nigel lost track of time but the silence occasionally interrupted by Miranda's gasps dragged out the 20 minutes. _I just need an hour with the girls. To have dinner with them and then tell them. _When she finally responded, it was lower than he has ever heard her speak. If his ears wasn't trained, he would have missed the soft voice when the figure turned her chair around, "How did you find out?" _If she asks you how you found out, don't tell her that I know straight away. Drag it out as long as possible. She doesn't care that she hurt me but I don't think she meant for anyone especially me to find out. So she'll rush back. _"It was quite obvious. Hamptons and the party. You weren't exactly discreet, Miranda." _Well done, Nigel. _Miranda's expression visibly darkened and Nigel was worried. "Not to the whole world, but we've been working together for almost 20 years so I can tell." Miranda relaxed but he could see that her posture was still tense, ready to attack. "Well, what do you want then?" _Money, position, more money? "_What do you take me for, Miranda? Those vultures that write for Page Six? You cheat on my best friend and you think I want your money," he was offended and angry but he was already warned so he wasn't as surprised. _She will try to buy you out, Nige. Try not to take it too hard. She's her, you know. I do know. That's why I want to stab her with her letter opener. _He continued, "Since you are offering, _now comes my own part of the plan, _I want to quit. You're going to let me go, whether you write me a good recommendation is up to your kind heart," he added the last part sarcastically but he couldn't work with her anymore. _I'm not an unknown in the fashion world. So many declined offers over the years to join fashion houses and other magazines. All because of some delusional loyalty that he felt for Miranda. You owe her this much for taking a chance on Nigel Kipling from New Jersey. But no more, she broke Andy's heart._ He didn't want to continue his professional relationship with Miranda knowing that he led Andy to the rabbit hole.

Nigel knew that when Emily and Andy found out that he quit, they would undoubtedly whack his bald head. But he didn't care. _If Andy can walk away from Miranda during Paris Fashion Week because she couldn't stand the fact that Miranda slighted me, I can walk away from her and Runway for breaking my best friend's heart. _"You want to leave Runway?" she asked in disbelief. _I thought he wanted money or a higher position here. Which I'm more than willing to give him. He deserves it. _"Yes. I want a clean cut. I wouldn't tell anyone about this. Not when Andy is involved. You have my word," he said in a calm and firm tone that told her that he was not joking at all. "So you're leaving because I betrayed Andrea's trust," she inferred, studying his somber expression. _You know Nigel wouldn't tell anyone about this, Miriam. He's been your colleague and friend for the past 20 years. It's a good thing he's keeping it quiet. I don't think he would tell Andrea. _Nigel ignored her inference, not willing to reveal that information until a more suitable time. He continued, "Will you consider Emily for my position? She's the best possible candidate." "I agree." He looked up at her, surprised that she agreed. "Don't look so surprise. She has the talent and balls to survive in this industry." Then she remembered that Emily was with her children, it meant that she was in on the plan for Nigel to tell Miranda that he knew in return for a clean cut from her and Runway. "She knows. So technically I'm giving the money and position I offered to you, to her instead." "No. She has no knowledge of my plans to resign from Runway. She thought I was going to scream at you for betraying her, our best friend."

Miranda visibly tightened her jaw at Nigel's admission, "And you think I will let her continue at Runway and promote her to Art Director after you leave. Tell me, did she come to that conclusion herself as well?" "Yes, you will. Because she isn't me. She's still young and she's willing to work to make it in the fashion world. She respects you professionally and that should be enough. You are her boss at work, not the woman who cheated on her best friend with the Golden Boy of Elias Clark,"in a matter a fact tone that made her cringe visibly when the words "cheated on her best friend" were said.

"Will you please stop saying that? For goodness sake, my dalliance with James was a calculated business tactic to ensure my position and influence at Runway. Emily would have done the same if she were in my position," she retorted. _Stooping down to personal attacks on someone who isn't even here? That's beneath you, Miriam. Then again, we both know the person that has been beneath you these days. Can't really go much further than that, baby. _"She wouldn't. She's the calculated business tactic, and as you agreed earlier, the best candidate." _She will try to bait you to react with jabs at yourself or Emily but you need to remain calm. _He said firmly, without any sarcasm or inflections, as if he was talking about layout adjustments.

Nigel was shaking furiously on the inside. The woman in front of him broke his best friend's heart for a _calculated business tactic_. For Runway. There was no way he was staying at Runway after this. The fact that Miranda actually sold herself for position and influence was beyond him. He thought she had fallen for the Golden boy's charm and power but this was a tactic to stay as Editor-in-Chief for a few more years? He couldn't believe it. _DAMN HER TO HELL! You can't damn a soul-less person to hell, Nige. There's like a cosmic law against this or something. I can never tell Andy or Em about the content of our conversation. I think Andy might actually kill herself and Emily would kill Miranda and torch this place. Then suffer a breakdown because her best friend died, she just burned her temple and killed the fucking Priestess of fashion. FUCK! UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE! _On the outside, he was the epitome of calm as he just stared at the view behind her. This unnerved Miranda more than she would ever admit. _Damn him for not taking the bait._

_We both know that Emily and Nigel will never breathe a word of this to anyone. They kept Andrea a secret for you extremely well. They are both possibly the only people with a brain besides yourself at Runway. Losing Nigel would be a lot but if she fired Emily, she would be losing her right and left arm together. "_Fine. You can leave, she can have your job. Both of you tell no one. Now that I've grant your request. Are we done here? Or are you to hold me hostage," she said in a bored tone. _She will realise that the best thing to do is to keep you guys around because you are the few people that she can at least trust to help her with Runway. What's the point of telling her that we know, Andy? I mean, we could just fake an emergency or something. Because you're going to pass her something from me. And now if she admitted it to you previously, she has to stick to her agreement._

Emily and Nigel didn't know what to say. _What the fuck? Wow, I didn't know Six had it in her, did you? Fuck NO. Is this part of the bloody calm and collected package since you found her in the tub? Possibly, Em. OH FUCKING GREAT. SHE'S GOING TO BE AN EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED PERSON FROM NOW ON? Not that I enjoyed her crying and overload of emotion but is she still our Andy? I don't know, Em. _"Okay, now let's continue watching Grey's. You remember your parts, right?" Emily and Nigel could only gape and nod wordlessly, still trying to process this new Andy who seemed too calm, collected and absolutely stunning in her growing confidence.

_I hope you're right, Andy. _He checked his watch, it had been almost an hour and a half. He couldn't check his phone, not with Miranda sitting right in front of him. So he prayed to whatever deity that Em was always muttering to that everything was clear at the townhouse. He wouldn't follow Miranda back to the townhouse, not that they all thought she would let him. The plan was for him to go back to his house after he passed her Andy's letter. _Just pass it to her. She will know that it's from me and she might even ask you to leave her sight. Then you wait, patiently for myself and Em to come over._

Miranda saw him reach into his coat pocket to pull out a cerulean coloured envelope, gasping as she recognised the stationery as Andrea's. _You were wondering why he kept his coat on when it isn't even Fall yet. _She couldn't breathe, her chest felt constricted as she watched him slide the envelope across the table. She dragged her eyes up from the stationery to meet his gaze, his eyes had shifted from previously devoid of emotion to sorrow. Her eyes darted back to the envelope on her table and he sighed and shook his head. She raised her trembling hand and pointed at the door without looking at him, not daring to touch the envelope until he was out of her office. _She was right. Again! How is she doing this?_

She felt fear, an emotion that she never thought she would associate with Andrea's image. _Fear? Whatever do you mean, Miriam? Oh fear of the aftermath for your relationship that you refuse to acknowledge for the past year and a half? Fear that the only person to ever love you unconditionally has stopped loving you? Fear that the person your children have come to love is going to leave you and them? Or is it fear that you no longer have a bed warmer at your beck and call? I don't know. I don't know the answer so STOP asking these questions! _Her trembling fingers reached out to brush the tip of the envelope, slowing inching her whole hand to drag the envelop closer to her.

Miranda unfolded the tab of the envelope and her eyes blurred, making the image that she saw fuzzy. Her trembling hands gently held the envelope in her hands. A million thoughts ran through her head. _How did she find out? Nigel and Emily? They wouldn't have told her. I know it. I know they would rather she never find out for the rest of her life. How? Maybe they did? But they wouldn't have found proof. Not until I stupidly admitted it to him just now. So now can we agree that you're stupid yet, Miriam? _She pulled out the paper from the envelope, her eyes drawn to the image of only a few neatly handprinted words on the paper.

She reads the words on the paper and she breaks into a sob, her tears flowing freely as she interprets the meaning of her words and Andrea's on the paper. The continuous pain she felt, the bone-deep pain that filled her entire body, paralysing her entire body which left her only with the ability to re-read the words over and over again. _You deserve this pain.  
_

_**I know. Came through the back door yesterday. A**  
I know. Come through the back door tomorrow. M_

This pain is the ache from having your heart knocked out of your chest cavity by someone else's heart on collision course with yours. She realises then that it wasn't her heart that was being pushed out of the ribcage. It was Andrea's. _Oh God. No. She knows. _She choked back her sobs as she felt another continuous pain echo after the initial pain that has been on a loop since she first read the words. _You didn't think it would hurt to push someone else's heart away with your own? How naive, Miriam. _She clenched her jaw tight, her eyes closed as the tears dripped continuously on her slacks. She pressed the paper that she had sent to Andrea a year and a half ago to her chest where her heart remained. She felt the steady rhythm of her heart yet with each throb, she aches with the realisation that she had pulled Andrea's heart out and stomped on it with her Prada pumps. _Happy now, devil?_

To be continued.

* * *

Please review and tell me what you think. Like it or don't, I want to know.

Bonus : A review will get you a teaser.

Luce.


	6. Collision Course (ii)

**Disclaimer  
**All characters with the exception of James Clark belongs to Lauren Weisberger.

**Warning  
**The content of this fanfiction may trigger ill emotions and feelings due to the mature rating attached to the explicit content. A very strict warning to the level of mature and violent themes present in this fanfiction. Please be advised that if you choose to read it, it is entirely at your own risk.

**A/N  
**Hey! So here's the next part. Thank you for your reviews in the previous chapters. I really appreciate it! If you think you crave updates from me, know that I crave reviews and PMs from you.

Unbeta-ed. Sorry about spelling errors.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Lost and Insecure  
****Chapter 4 : Collision Course (ii)**

_Just do it. _She clenched her hand, her knuckles turning white from trying to keep her right hand from trembling. Her eyes held no tears but it shined from the unspilled liquid. Andy read the existing words on the paper and she could only feel the light feathery pain from the scar. She mentally traced the figurative scar as she re-read the elegant script that belonged to the woman that stole her heart. The words that held so much meaning to her until it happened. The envelope and paper that she kept, pressed inside her journal. The prickling pain distracted by a calm storm that brewed whenever she thought of a certain Editor as she closed her eyes to lay out the steps to her plan. With her long fingers curled around the pen, she then presses the tip of the pen to the weighted paper and brands it with her attack, right above the handprinted words which she could see the meaning clearly. _Nothing but a dirty little secret. She never loved you. _

**_I know. Came through the back door yesterday. A_**

_I know. Come through the back door tomorrow. M_

Andy stared at her own handwriting, above Miranda's elegant script. The rough lines of her own, embossing the paper with her distaste for the existing message which she replaces with her message above it. _I wonder if this will even prick her tough shell. I honestly doubt it will faze her. _Her expression was neutral as she sat at the desk in the study room that did not belong to her. The study room in an apartment that belonged to someone else. _Never belonged to you, Andy-bear. As much you tried to make it yours. _Andy shook her head slightly at that internal thought. _She'll understand what I mean. At least that's what I'm hoping. _She refolded the paper and placed it back into the cerulean coloured envelope. An envelope that held so much meaning to her until yesterday. _Now what, Andy? _She held the envelope in her hand and padded back into the living room where she saw Emily and Nigel pretending to watch the show that was on the TV, which was muted. _They were trying to listen for what exactly? _She quirked her eyebrow at them and smirked when Emily turned her head to acknowledge her presence, "Oh you're back."

"As if you didn't know that. So how's the muted show progressing?" she laughed and teased, revelling in their "caught" expression. _You were holding the remote. You were supposed to unmute it, Nige! I don't even now how to do switch it on. What makes you think I know which button is mute? You are so hopeless at this, it's actually funny. _Nigel scowled at Emily, "It was Em's idea." _You bloody tattletale. _"It's okay. I could have stabbed myself with my letter opener and bled to death in my attempt to be free of my broken heart. You were just making sure I'm alive," she said nonchalantly, teasing them and their obsessive need to make sure she was alright. _So grateful for them. They are my rock unlike Lily and Doug. _"Please. You wouldn't dare make a mess after I told you not to. It'll take forever to treat the carpet if your stubborn blood stained it," Emily teased back, enjoying this new Andy that was suddenly almost untouchable. _She's definitely our Andy but she is choosing to show her strength now instead of hiding it. _

Nigel's eyes were immediately drawn to the object in Andy's hand. _Fuck I recognise that. It was from Miranda. _His eyes widened as he recalled having held an envelope that resembled it a year and a half ago. _SHIT! _To say that Nigel wasn't frantically imagining the horrible contents of the letter would be a lie. Andy saw his eyes widened and knew that he would remember it since he acted as the messenger from Miranda. _The letter that started it all will end this. The person who revealed her biggest secret will be the one to end it. _She smiled at them without smugness, just undertones of firm confidence as she sat down in her spot on the sofa and placed the envelope on the coffee table. All three of them stared at at the envelope for a fleeting second before drawing their attention to one another.

"I-is that what I think it is, Six?" She nodded and studied him as his faced paled. "What? What is it?" Emily questioned, annoyed at the apparent information about this cerulean envelope that she wasn't privy to. Andy reached out to touch Nigel's arm, "Hey, it's okay. It's going to be okay, Nige." She then looked to Emily and addressed her, "Em, you know how Nige told Miranda about my feelings? Well, this was her form of reply to me that she sent through Nigel." Emily looked at Nigel whose expression was twisted and had guilt written all over it while Andy was smiling softly. _Oh shit. No wonder he looks like shit. This cerulean envelope fucking started this rather the content. How ridiculous. Is cerulean their thing? Eww. No wonder she insisted on keeping that horrible sweater when Nigel revamped her wardrobe. How is she so fucking calm about this? This is from Miranda and she's just bringing it out? _Emily's head was dizzy, trying to absorb the characteristics of this new Andy and her eyes were sore from darting from Nigel, Andy and the envelope too many times. _If I don't stop it soon, my eyes are bound to pop out. _

"Nige, you're going to pass this to her. This is that 'something' we talked about earlier," Andy left Emily to do that eye darting thing that was almost comical if she wasn't more concerned about the fact that Nigel looked like he was about to pass out. _Do something to assure him before you end up killing him. _"Hey, Nige? You okay? It's okay if you don't want to do it, y'know. I understand." _The significance of this envelope and its content. The fact that she was asking him to send it back to Miranda. The fact that she was returning it to her through him. I understand perfectly, Nigel. What goes around, comes around. _

"I am. No-no. I want to do it. _I owe it to her. _I'm just thinking," Nigel looked up from the ground that he was previously staring at to meet her eyes. _Thinking about the irony of what I've been "tasked" to do. About the fact that the content was going to put an end to this dysfunctional relationship that he had match made in the first place. _When he stared into those chocolate orbs, what he understood from the unspoken words in her eyes struck him like lightning. _She understands perfectly. HOLY FUCK. _He would swear much later, that at that moment, he felt a chill shiver down his spine. _When did she become like this? The obvious answer would be when you see the supposed love of your life fucking a man in the bed you share with her, Nigel. _The revelation released a breath he didn't know he held, "I need a fucking cigarette. Too many fucking surprises in a day."

"Not before I get to have one," Emily sighed, tired from all the information that she was forced to learn and understand. "Calm down, guys. Go home for a bit. Take a shower and a break from each other, think about the plan _and what you are going to do _and we can have dinner, if you're not too sick of each other. Don't worry about me, I'm going to sleep or finish up some work here. Not going to take any baths or go near any dangerous objects. We need to think. Separately about all of this. _And I have a few more parts to the plan that I want to do," _Andy smiled and assured them calmly, her tone left little room for Nigel and Emily to argue as they communicated silently. _This new side to Andy is fucking scary, Nige. Tell me about it. We'll see each other for dinner then. Andy's not going to take no for an answer. Don't ever tell her that I admitted that she was scary or I'll castrate you! Violent much, Em? "_You better not die from now until dinner, Andy. We'll go out, this apartment is starting to annoy me," Emily picked up her bag, motioned for them to stay seated, gave them light hugs, and left. She sighed in the corridor as she walked towards the lift, she was emotionally tired which she hated. _I need a fucking drink. Correction, many bloody drinks. _

Emily's departure left the other two to a deafening silence until Andy, who was anxious to be alone broke the silence. "Nige? Are you staying? _Are you really okay?" _"N-no I'm not. Just thinking again, don't worry about me. _It's you I'm worried about._" "You're doing a lot of that too huh? Well, join the club," she joked lightly but her mind was frantic as she made a guess to decipher the meaning behind his expression. _I don't know if he'll go through with it. Which one are you talking about? Both. _He picked up the cerulean envelope and placed it inside his coat, looked at Andy and her expression brought him an answer that he had been searching for. _I'm going to do this. _He has just made a decision on adding his own part to the Andy's plan, which he has been muling over since Emily's and Andy's different revelation about Miranda and the plan. _You've been at Runway for a long time. Ask yourself, can you actually do this? _Her expression never faltered, her normal Andy-bear beam made the ache in his heart more prominent. _It's Andy. She hurt her. I don't want to see Miranda everyday. _The smile also assured him that the Andy, his best friend was still in there. _Even if she is a little more assertive than what Em and yourself are used to. So, I'm going to do this. _He returned her smile with equal brightness, gave her a peck on her forehead, "See you in a bit, Six. Like Em said, don't make a mess anywhere." "Yeah, yeah… Text me where to meet you guys for dinner." she shrugged adorably as she closed the door. _So he's going to do it. Which one are you talking about? Both. _

* * *

Andy stood at the exact spot on the side of the road where she kneeled almost more than a day ago. _Some people call it shock emersion therapy, y'know. _She understood that method more than anything after having just left the townhouse with Em and the twins in it. _Nothing beats shock emersion like going back to the house where you found the supposed love of your life with a dick down her throat, does it Andy? Also, deciding to come back and look into eyes that mirror that said person's and then leaving parts of your heart in that retched house was a fantastic idea. _Andy stilled at the reminder of her encounter with the twins. _It went awfully well, didn't it? Too well._

Emily's message sent a buzz to the phone in her pocket but she was already unlocking the backdoor. _Here's to the last time you are ever doing this. _She swung the door open and took in Emily's gasp and surprised expression, "Gee, Em. Why so surprised to see me?" "You bloody cow, I just sent the message. I thought it would take you some time. _Then again, she left before Nigel and myself. _What if she hasn't left yet? _Let's not imagine that scenario please." "_Calm down, we both know she's not. So nothing to worry about." Emily scowled, "Just go see the little people you came here for. Watch the time, Andy." _Ms. Know-it-all better have a good plan to detach herself from those twins when the time came. Or I'll gladly use force. Okay not gladly but I have been itching for some form of physical aggression since the revelation yesterday. _"Aye, madam!" Andy mocked salute, already rushing past the kitchen door.

She didn't stop anywhere and headed straight for the Caroline's room. She missed them dearly and she couldn't wait for the warmth of their hugs. She didn't care to look at other things. Or rather she didn't dare to let her superb imagination run amok. _I smell detergent and cookies. Don't tell me she cooked and cleaned. Cleaned? Why would she clean? Oh no, don't even go there. _She bounded up the stairs, calling out for the twins to stop her own mind from thinking. "Care? Cass?" _So, have you thought of what you are going to say yet? NOPE. Wow, you planned the whole distraction part to the tee and you forgot to think of what you were going to tell the twins. GENIUS, ANDY! _Before she could reach for the handle of Caroline's door, the swung open and she was tackled to the ground. _They learned the Andy-bear hug too well. That's gonna bruise for sure._

"Ooomph. Ow girls, you either thought I was an intruder or you missed me," Andy teased, revelling in the sensation of them in her arms until they pulled back and squealed her name, "ANNNNDDYYYYYY! Of course we missed you!" "I thought you were only coming back at around 6?" "YEAH BUT IT'S GOOD!" "We missed you" "LIKE A TONNE. ARE YOU…" "off tomorrow? Say yes please. We haven't been to Central Park with you in ages." "IGNORE THE VULTURES, ANDYY!" The girls finished each other's sentences, smiling widely at the woman in front of them. _Hey Cass? YEAH? We just talked about this. Does her eyes look puffy to you? Like she used make-up to cover it up. You know, like how mom used to when she was married to Stephen? UGH. Come on, Care. It's not like you have ears in your thoughts. She just probably stayed up for a long time again. You're being too suspicious. AND I WANT PIZZA FOR DINNER! Cass… just look. FINE. WE'LL JUST ASK HER LATER._

Andy watched them finish each other's sentence while they were clearly also talking to one another in their thoughts. _Caroline always has that look when Cassidy "talks" too loudly. I missed this. I'm going to miss this. _"I'm off tomorrow but we'll talk about any plans after dinner. I'm hungry and by the look on Cassidy's face, we are having pizza for dinner. Come on." Andy turned and fought to keep the emotions from choking her. She still had time, she wanted to delay the inevitable. _Wistful thinking, Andy Sachs. _"First one down gets to tell Em that we're having pizza." She laughs as their eyes gleamed with mirth and they rush down the stairs, yelling for Emily. She trailed after them hurriedly, worried that Emily might get crushed by their hug too. _They do it to annoy her and also, she might just enjoy wringing their necks to pay for their mother's sins. OH FUCK. Their mother. Miranda. They are going to talk about her since we're supposed to have dinner together. Ask about her. _Andy stopped right before the kitchen door, listening to the twins chattering loudly. _That's odd. Nothing from Em. Oh FUCK. _

She quickly swung the door open and the sight that greeted her froze her. The girls were hugging a struggling Emily, drowning her in random chatter about everything in chorus, which they knew always freaked Em out. Andy threw her head back and laughed at Emily's expression, which looked murderous yet Andy could tell that there was some secret happiness at the twin's affection. They had bonded after both parties realised that each other were a package that came along with Andy. Also, Emily's secret talent for Dance Dance Revolution made her a hero in their eyes, much to her public dismay of course. "Andy! Help!" Emily squeaked and her eyes turned murderous because the cause of her pain just waltzed in to the room. "Girls, let Emily go or you'll ruin her ravenous craving for Double Cheese pizza," Andy, immune to Emily's glare after the first month of being colleagues smirked and laughed even harder when Emily just closed her eyes and fell limp. _She's probably muttering her last prayer to the fashion deities before her execution. Pizza style. _

The twins immediately released Emily as per instructed and stepped back from the Brit. "Really, Emily? Then we should order Double Cheese, just for you. Right, Care?" Cassidy asked. _Her mean streak would rival Miranda's soon. _Emily scowled at them, grabbed her phone from her bag and rushed out of the room to order their dinner, pushing past Andy on purpose. _You're gonna pay for this later, you stupid cow! _Caroline smiled, amused at her sister's antics against Emily but she turned to Andy and asked softly, "What about mom? She said she had to go back to Runway for something. You just missed her." At that, Andy's expression turned somber, her high crashed as fast as it rose previously. _Well, clearly telling them about food didn't help your cause to delay talking about you know who. _Both of them studied the woman that they had come to love so much, alarmed when they saw her sad. _Oh no. I shouldn't have reminded her about mom. It's okay, Care. You just wanted to tell Andy so that we didn't have to wait for Mom for dinner. Mom will probably come back really late if there's a crisis at Runway anyway. No, Cass. I didn't mean that. _"Sorry Andy. Please don't get sad. I didn't mean to," Caroline tugged Andy's hand, pleading for the woman's to snap out of her frantic thoughts. _It sounds as if she knows why I'm sad. They probably think I'm sad that Miranda's at Runway again. _"It's okay, honey. I'm not sad because she had to go to Runway. _Well, technically you are/were. _Don't worry about it," Andy replied, pulling both of them in a hug that they responded with equal fervour. _When she's here, it feels like home again. HUGGING ANDY ALWAYS FEELS AWESOME! Yeah, it's like she's hugging our heart with hers. _Andy couldn't hold back her sob when they pulled their arms around her, her body jerked as she held them as tight as possible. _It feels like the remaining parts of my heart ended its collision course and crashed gloriously with Miranda's and the twins'. It felt like more parts of her threaten to escape the wound that she thought she had stitched close. _Her tears flowed without end, it was painful to think that she might never get to hug them like this again. The twins pulled back and took in Andy's tear-stained face, perplexed as to why she contradicted herself. "Andy why are you crying? I thought you said that you're not sad." "Yeah, please stop crying. Care is really sorry about mom. I am too!" At this, Andy only pulled them into a tighter hug again and they let her, willing for anything to stop her sadness. _Hopefully they will never know why I'm crying over Caroline's apology about their mother."_No. I'm not sad. _Andy Sach. Beautiful liar. _I just really miss you guys, y'know? Like when you feel like you really miss someone, you just want to hug them this tight and never let them go. I will never willingly let you guys go, you know that right? _They have to know. They have remember that I love them with my entire being. Oh God, this is too damn hard. Damn you, Miranda!_" she choked out that last part like a light teasing joke that she would always make about holding them hostage whenever they stayed over at the apartment. _ You have to let them go. They don't belong to you. Just like their mother. _Andy stilled, praying that what she was about to say would be better than the truth. _I hope you're right, Andy._

The twins' instinctual alarm was ringing at an all time high, especially Cassidy's who was hysterical as she felt Andy let them go. _WHAT IS HAPPENING, CARE? ANDY IS BEING REALLY WEIRD! CAREEEE! _Caroline, whose alarm had more foresight could only dim to a mute as she realised that something was about to change and she couldn't tell Cassidy or her twin might just explode. _I think she's just getting emotional because it's her time of the month, Cass. _MORE SO THAN USUAL! _Nah, she just really missed us_, _I think. _Andy pulled back from the hug and her eyes didn't radiate the same sadness anymore. It was an unusual indifference as she deliberately stared into the carbon copies of the blue eyes that she often wished would look back at her with the same softness and adoration as these did. _Wistful thinking again, Andy. _Cassidy was perplexed at the way Andy was looking at them, her eyes no longer held that warmth and vulnerability that was evident only a second ago. Caroline prepared for the inevitable. _I thought we would have more time. But we both know it was bound to happen, Cass. Be strong. NO! I'm going to KILL her. NO! How did Andy find out? She never reads any trash magazines. NO! _They backs straightened when they heard Andy clear her throat, breaking the silence."I was offered another job while you were away at the Hamptons. It's in LA and it is for the position of a senior reporter. And I am taking it," Andy said calmly, studying their expression. _Wow. You've outdone yourself this time. The alternative was that I met someone. Spare me the lecture. _

The twins quirked their eyebrows, not expecting what Andrea had just relayed and chorused their disbelief. "Really?" _Well, they are their mother's daughter. What did you expect? _"Yes, really. I know you don't think I'm good enough to be a senior reporter. But someone in LA does." Andy rebuffed. _Oh classic move. Attack when threaten. That's always a good one. _Caroline and Cassidy's eyes brimmed with tears at Andy's accusation. _She only does that when she's telling the truth, Cass. Yeah I know. She's unlike mom like that. She's leaving us, Care. Leaving mom. Leaving New York for LA. Mom's never going to agree to this, Cass. I think she'll put up a fight about this. I know it. _"Sorry, Andy. We didn't mean it that way." "Really. Don't leave us. Don't leave mom." They chorused, "Please, Andy. We love you." _Shit, I can't leave them. _

Andy was going to pull them into a hug, willing to stay with them forever until Emily burst through the kitchen door announcing that, "The pizza is coming in 10 minutes, you hungry cows! Go wash up!" Emily Charlton never felt more love for them than when she listened to them tell Andy that they loved her, that they really wanted her to stay. _Too bad your mother don't feel the same, girls. Too fucking bad. For every single one of us. _She looked to Andy, pushing her to instruct them the same since she knew Andy was about to lose it. _And I'll be damned if I let Andy stay knowing that Miranda would keep cheating with the jerkface! She would die from the pain every day. Sorry, girls. I hope you never find out that your mom forced Andy to do this but I would rather tell you the truth than to let Andy sacrifice herself over and over. She has already lost too much. I'll just have to add you two on that list for her. _Andy turned away from the twins and herself, then she told the twins to wash up softly. Caroline sighed and just grabbed her sister's elbow towards the washroom. _If she isn't going to stay for us, she probably didn't love us like we thought she did, Cass. _At that, Cassidy pushed past her sister into the washroom.

"Em…" _She knew you were about to give in. _"Don't even say a word. Not on my watch. Well, if you wanted someone who would let you fall into the dragon's pit, you should have switched me with Nigel in your grand plan_. _Eat the pizzas I ordered. _And say your goodbyes." _Emily was no stranger to the tough love method. Andy didn't turn to face her, she couldn't stand to see Emily's hardened expression when it felt like her insides were getting crushed all over again._You can't hate her for this. _She looked around the kitchen, taking in the smell in the kitchen, a horrible mixture of cookies and disinfectant. _Now would be a good time to go that place you avoided just now. _Her vivid imagination pushed her into a zone that she was surprisingly well adjusted in, the angry brewing storm. _Remember the last time Miranda decided to use disinfectant wash in the kitchen? YUP! _Her mind forced her to recall the awkward aftermath of being told to get off the island after Miranda brought her to cum all over the island, "For goodness sakes, Andrea. Get off the island. You had your fun, now let me sterilise the place. We prepare food on this." She remembered that she sat there on the island, frozen in her torn tank top and boxers, until Miranda let out an exasperated sigh and pulled her off. She even remembered her own thoughts as she stood in the kitchen, half naked, her pale skin littered with purplish bruises, "_She's still dressed. Time for her to have fun instead." _Andy shook with anger at that recollection and revelation. _How could you be so blind? You were something she owned. She had her fun. She had her fun because she had power over you. The fact that you thought you were the only one to give her a good time is wrong since something happened here recently. _Andy clenched her fist. _STUPID ANDY! STUPID NAIVE ANDY!_

Emily was not proud of her actions, driving her best friend to a leave the house and people that she had come to love by threatening her with the truth. _Horribly ugly truth. _She parted her lips, intending to apologise to the brunette who stood ramrod straight, darting her eyes between the kitchen island and everywhere else in the kitchen. "I-I'm…" But she was interrupted by Andy's calm and clear voice, "You're right, Em. I should do as I planned. That's all. Thanks." _Miranda is going to pay for the pain._" Emily felt a chill shiver down her spine and widened her eyes when her gaze met Andy's. _That's an odd tone to her voice. She sounded like…Nope don't go there. _

If Emily knew that she would come to the realisation that Andy was thanking her for entirely different reasons, that she would spend sleepless nights later recalling and dissecting this conversation, she would not have said, "You're welcome," and meant it. _Thanks for reminding me that I fell into the Dragon's pit and crawled my way out, spilling blood and tears. _

* * *

Caroline closed the bathroom door after herself, taking in her sister who was staring into the mirror, with her tears streaming down her cheeks. They both knew that they were going to lose Andy. In an unusually soft voice that reminded Caroline too much of their mother at this moment, Cassidy asked, "You think mom will stop Andy from leaving?" _Yes. _"She's probably with that jerk now, Care. She said she was doing Runway stuff at the Hamptons but we both know that's not entirely true. Our dear mother is unbelievable," she sneered at her own image in the mirror, taking in her sister who stood beside her, a pained expression on her face. "I don't know if she will but I hope so," Caroline said softly, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as the tears fell at her own statement. She was crying because she learned early in her life that hope is a lie. "Care…" she could only turn to look at her sister. _She was always the more hopeful one, taking the disappointment harder when it crashed. _They held hands in the large bathroom, staring into the mirror at each other and themselves until their eyes cleared to a sharp image. "Come on. Let's get cleaned up. I think I hear the pizza guy. I'M HUNGRYYYYY. ," Cassidy attempted to lighten the mood with her dramatic expression of hunger and Caroline laughed softly. _Thanks Cass. YOU'RE WELCOME. You don't have to yell. _Caroline rolled her eyes and walked out of the bathroom with her twin trailing behind her.

Caroline and Cassidy returned to the kitchen to find Emily setting out the pizza on the dining table and Andy leaning against the island, staring at the floor silently. They could feel an almost palpable drop in temperature of the room, the only sounds that they could hear was the cardboard boxes and plates being placed on the dining table. "Uh, Andy?" Cassidy asked, wanting to get the woman's attention. "Yeah Cass?" "Are we eating now? _Or are we waiting for her?" "No_. Yes. You guys hungry?" Andy said softly, looking at them, studying them as if she was looking at them for the last time. _I'm never waiting for her again. _

The twins nodded, understanding what Andy meant and their little hearts broke. Cassidy turned to stare into her twin's eyes, a tear slipping out of the corner of her left eyes. She couldn't look at the woman that was about to leave and not cry. _Care? This is it huh? It hurts, Care. I'm getting this weird feeling in my heart. Are you?_

Caroline's expression didn't change but her eyes gleamed from unshed tears and she nodded softly. _I know, Cass. I know. _She knew, which was why it hurt so badly. She knew that they were not waiting for their mom, Andy would usually insist or at least call mom to ask when she was returning. She knew that after dinner, Andy was going to leave them. She wasn't going to be around anymore. She knows that Andy loves them and that the pain they felt now was because they love her too. Which was why Caroline felt like her heart was being tugged in different directions, she knew that they had to let her go. But they didn't want to lose the person that made them feel at home, made them happy, that loves them wholeheartedly. _Andy isn't happy in New York, with us and mom anymore, Cass. We have to love her enough to let her go. We have each other. We'll be okay, sis. _

* * *

She looked at them and she saw the change that she had been slowly tracking since the first time she met them. _Even then, I knew you two weren't the little devils that Emily claimed. _Andy remembered the breath that got caught in her throat when she first looked into those eyes for the first time. _Exactly like Miranda's in colour but they were softer, more playful mischievous than manipulative malice. _She passed them each a package that held the bounded manuscript that she almost committed murder for with a soft smile. _If they are little devils, they have to be the prettiest. After their mom of course. Miranda's the prettiest. Okay don't go there, Andy. She's your boss. Dragon lady! Nope, still the prettiest. _They replied her smile with one of them saying, "Thank you." The other one, who she later knows as Cassidy, the main instigator of the townhouse fiasco the first night, asks instead, "What's this? _You could be thanking her for A BOMB for all we know, Care. Jeesh. We pranked her and Mom was so mad this morning. She probably wants to throw us on the tracks." _

Andy's eyes drag themselves to meet theirs, relishing in the unguarded copies of their mother's and she takes in the confusion in the eyes of the one who said thank you and indignant in the other. _Physically alike but they are definitely different in personality. _"A bomb," Andy deadpans then smirks at the synchronised widening of their eyes. "I KNEW IT!" "We're sorry!" Cassidy and Caroline says at the same time, glaring at one another when they realised the other didn't say the same words. But they were interrupted by deep belly-rumble laughter that erupted from the woman standing in front of them. "Gee, they don't teach you how to joke in Dalton? I had Joking AP in High School, y'know," Andy teased them and continued laughing. "Don't laugh at us. It's not even funny. Did you hit your head somewhere?" Cassidy hissed, her face turned red from anger stemmed from embarrassment. _Wow. She sounds exactly like Miranda. _Caroline just quirked her eyebrow, curious about the actual content of the package since it isn't a bomb.

"Go on. Open it. You're welcome,…?" She trails off, waiting for the polite one to say her name. "Caroline. I'm sorry if you got in trouble for yesterday,…?" Caroline extended her hand, liking this woman in front of her that was genuine and laughed like she was really happy. "Andy. Andrea actually but my friends call me Andy and after you open that, I think we will be," Andy smirked, shaking Caroline's hand while she took note that Cassidy was still muttering under her breath about traitorous sisters or something. She liked the angry one too, which is Cassidy since Caroline introduced herself. _I like her spirit, that raging passion is hard to find. So alike Miranda with fashion. _

She gave Cassidy a bright warm Andy-smile, seeing her eyes shift in confusion from the friendly treatment from Andy. "So you're Cassidy. Check your package. I think you might find it a bomb after you're done," she joked and winked at her. _Let's open together, Cass. Come on. _They lifted the tab of, perplexed to find a stack of paper bounded at the side inside and they pulled it out. Andy continued to look at them until they flipped to the inner cover of the manuscript and read the title. She enjoyed studying the two people who were so important to Miranda, they were living breathing parts of Miranda's heart. _Who could say that the Dragon lady is heartless? All they have to do is look at these two. _She heard them squeal and saw them jump up-and-down in excitement. _Adorable. _

Caroline stopped her excitement and looked at Andy who was smiling warmly at the both of them, seeming genuinely happy that they were so excited. "Andy? Did you fail that class in high school? Cause you weren't joking. This is definitely going to be a bomb!" Caroline joked, feeling lighter in Andy's presence. _"_Thank you, Andy. We really appreciate it," she continued, nudging her sister who was already reading the first page. "Huh-What? Uhm-yeah. What she said. _Thank you._ It's a bomb, really." Cassidy said awkwardly, shrugging in admittance as she added, "Sorry about yesterday too. It wasn't nice."

"Oh she jokes now too. I aced it mind you. You're welcome, both of you," Andy replied, smiling as she saw them give her a real smile in return. _A smile to match those eyes. Wow. _"Come on, you can read them on the train which just arrived. Cara will get some peace and quiet then," she guided them to the right platform. "Okay, Andy," they chorused and Caroline added, "We'll see you when we get back right?" "Hopefully, or it would mean that your mom fired me," she jokes but her smile turns into a grimace at the thought of not seeing them again. _And Miranda. _"Have a safe trip. Get Cara to text me when you're there okay? Your mom will definitely have my head if I don't inform her that you got there." "OKAY! We will!" Cassidy smiled at this woman who didn't treat them like little kids who didn't understand anything, who was nervous and funny. _She's cool. Yup, she is Cass. _They shared a glance as they waved at the brunette by the window. _I want to see her again. _

Andy was jolted out of her memory when she felt the girls' hands circle around her waist, hugging her from both sides and she breathed in, praying for strength to be selfish for once. They were going grow up to be wonderful young women, independent and special in their own way. _And you're going to miss the whole process, Andy. _Her heart ached for them, they didn't deserve to go through the pain. _But neither do you deserve it. _She couldn't keep going back and forth with this pain so she hugged them back for awhile before pulling herself away. _An eternity would be too short when I hug them. _"Come on, you two. I know you're hungry but don't eat me," Andy joked lightly, returning some warmth into the room as she guided them to the dining table. _I'll make my last memory in here count._

* * *

Dinner was filled with jokes and light anecdotes about the Hamptons which Andy insisted on listening even though she had heard them on those nights while they were there. Emily was quiet, preoccupied with her thoughts, occupied with studying Andy's expression while the twins chattered incessantly about their sandcastles and video game achievements. _Does she know that Miranda and that asshole might have started at the Hamptons? I mean it was all over the rags and you were worried but Nigel dismissed it as fake then. "You know she always does this for parties. Even back here, she does it too. All those beards we had to distract, remember?" Well, not really just a fucking beard now is he, Nige? Shit! I don't think Andy knows, she doesn't read rags. Wait, maybe Friday was the first and only time. Would Miranda cheat on kind and good Andy multiple times with that jerkface? _Emily shook her head, ridding herself from those thoughts and questions. She looked at Andy across the table, who was hanging off the twins' chatter, laughing loudly and talking freely with them. _She's happy with them. She really fucking loves them like her own. DAMN IT, MIRANDA! _"I'm going to clean up. You guys can show off your less than par skills to Andy while I do so. Then I'll come up and show you how it's done. Give you more time to practice, losers," Emily teased them, seeing as she was the reigning champion at DDR.

Caroline and Cassidy immediately took action to Emily's light teasing, protesting that they weren't losers and how she cheated that time and all the other times. Andy took the hint, grateful that she got some alone time with them, then Emily would inform her when Nigel was done at the office. She sighed, "Not this again. Come on, we'll practice your little butts off and maybe you'll beat her this time." She bounded up the stairs with them holding her hands, choosing to focus on them than the entire house that held too many fond and horrible memories. When they finally reached their playroom, Andy sat herself down on the sofa and tracked their movement with her chocolate orbs. _I will always love them. _

Caroline was perceptive enough to know that Emily was purposefully giving them some alone time with Andy, something they haven't had in awhile between the trip to the Hamptons and Andy's schedule. Cassidy knew it too, since Emily never offered to play DDR in the townhouse, she was always too nervous that mom would walk in on her doing her victory dance which happened a lot. _So, Care, what's the plan? We just do this as normal as possible and when it's time, we-we'll just do it. Okay, Care. I wished it would stop hurting soon. Me too, Cass. _They set up their console and the mats while they asked Andy if she would play if they let her pick the song. "Oh no. Don't make me do this. The last time I played, I had so many bruises everywhere from falling down. You guys need to accept that this game is not for the klutz like me. I'm happy to watch though and you better get on with your practice or I'll have to hear you moan about losing to Emily again," Andy warned jokingly, wanting to watch them play and be normal, to pretend for half an hour that this was just any Sunday. That she wasn't about to leave forever. That she wasn't going to have pizza with them anymore.

"Okay, Andy. But you have to cheer for us okay? We need support if we ever want to win against that crazy English woman," Cassidy retorted, knowing that Andy's limbs weren't made for games that required hand-eye coordination. _Andy has the reflexes of a new born giraffe, long and shaky limbs. _Caroline nodded in agreement to her sister's statement. The three occupants of the room knew that they were delaying the inevitable but it was unspoken agreement to keep it normal, to appreciate and cherish the sense of normalcy and homeliness that came with Andy being around for the last time. Games were commentated by Andy, where she would use weird and foreign sports jargons that they came to love hearing while Caroline and Cassidy upped their synchronisation to a physical level, which frustrated each girl since they would make almost the same mistakes and tied in score. Andy cheered like a cheerleader except she learned from a bad experience to stay rooted on the couch. _Just hand movements will do you klutzy cow, you almost broke your leg from falling off the couch._ So, for thirty minutes, home was home. _Everything is okay._

* * *

Andy had almost allowed herself to forget that their hearts were on collision course until she heard a tentative knock on the door and Emily entered the room with a pained expression on her face and she nodded at Andy. Andy met her eyes and nodded, then she closed her eyes and sighed. _Well, this is it. I can't risk seeing Miranda. _The twins paused their game when Emily entered the room, knowing what would ensue next. Andy motioned for the girls to come over, that they would take their place beside her. _Give them a kiss on their forehead and then say goodbye. _She had gone into the plan with the choice for a clean cut from Miranda and perhaps the twins, if Miranda chose to be difficult. _I need to leave. _The girls sat down, and hugged Andy but the three of them didn't say anything until Andy cleared her throat and said, "I have to go now. Em will stay with you until your mom comes home, okay? Be good for her. _Your mom._ You can email me, okay? Don't forget that I love you. To be patient with your sister when she yells, or when she goes into a mood funk, okay. Love each other and your mom. No matter what." She removed herself from their grip and knelt in front of them, looking into their blue orbs for the last time. Caroline whimpered, "Andy-", but Andy stopped her, placing her fingers on Caroline's lips, "Shh. It's okay honey" while she held onto Cassidy's hand with her free hand. She hugged them both by their shoulders, gave them each a kiss on their foreheads and told them that she loved them. "I love you. Always will. Don't hate me okay? You'll break my heart." _Or what's left of it. _Andy bit her lips, willing herself to physically remove herself from parts of her heart and she stood up. She turned around and muted the world around her, closing her heart and ears to her surroundings while she moved one foot in front of the other until she suddenly found herself at the side of the road. She had just collided her own heart with the twins, causing what she was sure to be irreparable damage and it hurt her to know that she had consciously inflicted pain by leaving the twins physically. _But I just decided to stay in contact with the twins. So much for the total clean break plan huh? What's the plan now, Andy-bear? _One way only.

To be continued.

* * *

Tell me what you think! I added more parts to this after my last update, making it 7k+ words. I hope you enjoyed it, despite the length or maybe even for the length.

Predictions anyone? ;) Also, I will be taking a break this week due to final exams so please follow for alerts. I can't and don't want to stay away for long but I can't help it. Sorry and please be patient with me.

Luce.


	7. One Way Only (i)

**Disclaimer  
**All characters with the exception of James Clark belongs to Lauren Weisberger.

**Warning  
**The content of this fanfiction may trigger ill emotions and feelings due to the mature rating attached to the explicit content. A very strict warning to the level of mature and violent themes present in this fanfiction. Please be advised that if you choose to read it, it is entirely at your own risk.

**A/N  
**Hey guys! Thanks for being so patient and being a good sport about my break! You are the best readers, any fanfic writer could ask for! I am proud to announce that I am done with my exams! So, as promised in the previous chapter, I'm updating my fic immediately! Oh how I have missed it! I'm rewarding all of you for being so good. The reward? You'll know when you've read it!

Before you read this chapter, there are TWO things I need from you.

1. As you can see, this fic is lacking a story cover. No image on the side, just a faceless head. So, if anyone is interested or inspired, maybe you can come up with a cover? PM me if you are interested because I'm offering a gift! ;) Haha in fanfic form of course. PM for more info.

2. Please listen to "WORDS AS WEAPONS" by BIRDY. For those who know how serious I am about music being an inspiration, don't miss out on listening to this song while you're reading this chapter. Just listen to it! Whether before, during or after reading this chapter is up to you!

Unbeta-ed. Sorry about spelling errors.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Lost and Insecure**

**Chapter 5 : One Way Only (i) **

Miranda felt the steady rhythm of her heart yet with each throb, she ached with the horrific realisation that she had pulled Andrea's heart out and stomped on it with her Prada pumps. _Happy now, devil?_

_Very. _Miranda could hardly hold on to the envelope that now felt heavy as sat on her throne, staring out of the window until the lights of the city that never sleeps blurred from her freely flowing tears. This was, perhaps one of the times where the tears that flowed in this room were not caused by anger or disappointment. The devil in her smirked, of course. _I'm the one to inflict those feelings on incompetent fools. _She choked back a sob, well aware that here she was, inflicting the same treatment on an incompetent fool, herself. _Now, now. Be honest, Miriam, you're far worst than any incompetent fool you've had the pleasure of berating. _She was aware that her indiscretion with James was not incompetence on her side but insane stupidity. _What were you thinking, Miriam? _Well… _That I wouldn't get caught, that's what! _Her body wrecked from the increased sobbing as she realised the validity of her inner thoughts. _You stupid old woman! If you did it, Miriam, then you definitely deserve to get caught. _Her fingers softly traced Andrea's harsh strokes against the weighted paper, sobbing as she felt the mirrored pain from the wound that she had inflicted upon Andrea. _She does not deserve the pain from having caught me. No, Miriam. She definitely didn't. _Miranda's choked sobs echoed throughout the offices of Runway, the empire that she had sacrificed so much for and now, betrayed Andrea for. The emptiness of the empire she had built now magnified against her own pain. _Hurts like a bitch, huh? _

For once, she was unsure of what she would do. _Should I call her? Should I go home? Will she be there? What will she say? What can I say, for that matter? What about the twins? No, Andrea will not tell the twins, that I'm sure. Really, Miriam? Why would she care if your children hate you after what you've done to her? _She shook her head, sobbing as she realised that the twins were going to bear the consequences of her stupidity once again. _They love Andrea. _She had to gain Andrea's forgiveness. _Just for your children, Miriam? _She bit her lower lip to choke back another sob, and shook her head, realising that her children were not the only reason why she had to earn Andrea's forgiveness. _It may be too little too late, Miriam. _

Miranda steeled herself, breathing deeply to regain some sense of control over her own body. She was Miranda Priestly, not one to cower from any confrontation. _Let her be there. _She stood up and left Runway, clutching the cerulean envelope in her right hand. _She has to be there._ Throughout the journey in the car with Roy, who to his credit, did not react when faced with a puffy-eyed, ruined make-up Dragon, her hand clenched tightly. _There is only one way to go about this, Miriam. One way only. _

* * *

She had walked from that pavement on the Upper East Side with the intention of heading towards Nigel's place, their designated rendezvous point but she needed to calm down to rethink the detour that she had just taken. _And Emily should be at the townhouse for awhile. I hope. Nigel needs some alone time after what I put him through._ So, she found herself going straight to the roof of the apartment building. _If your intention was to think clearly, Andy-bear, coming to the place where you use to cry your heart out about Miranda isn't a good idea now is it? _Andy sighed, knowing that she often found herself alone in this apartment when she didn't want to and couldn't tell Nigel, Em or Serena about problems between Miranda and herself.

"Fine. I have no patience for your immature temper tantrums anyway. If you at least own some sense in that pretty little head of yours, don't you dare go crying to your little secret club about this," Miranda hissed, in reply to Andy's soft indignant, "I'm going to stay at the apartment tonight after I tuck the girls in." _Immature temper tantrum? How is wanting to spend time with her besides making love immature? Little secret club? Serena would probably punch Miranda if she knew Miranda's job as an Editor extended to her great use of callous words aimed to hurt. _Andy had held her breath when she turned her face away from Miranda, waiting/wanting for the _love of her being _to stop her from leaving and to apologise. She would have died from a lack of oxygen if she had actually waited since Miranda merely sniffed and strode out of the room. Leaving Andy to bite her lower lip, praying that she would have the strength not to cry at Miranda's indifference since the twins would sense something wrong. She didn't want to leave them with Miranda if they sensed that the couple had a fight. The last time they gave Miranda the silent treatment after Andy had reacted to Miranda's one too many time jabs about her job during dinner, Miranda had reason to be displeased about Andy's _horrible influence on their manners. _Andy really didn't need more things going against her at this point, when Miranda seemed so distant. _She's just stressed about this new guy coming on the Board. She's always had_

She was understanding about the amount of stress Miranda was under but that didn't stop Miranda's biting words from hurting her. _When my dreams get a verbal lashing every time someone at Runway decides to be incompetent. When my job is with a silly rag that no one even reads. _It hurts. The tiny cuts she got every time Miranda decided to wield her double-edged sword hurt. For someone who was supposed to care for her, Andy felt like she had no choice but to retreat to her given apartment, to lick her wounds and bandage them up in private before bouncing back to embrace Miranda in her arms again. _I love her. I love the twins. I love them with my entire being. They love me. She loves me. Even if she hasn't said it yet. _

After a night of restless sleep in a bed that felt foreign to her and hectic article cramming to meet the deadline, Andy arrived back home and was greeted by familiar flowers on her desk. She blew her bangs on her forehead. The immodest-sized bouquet that was on the coffee table was not unusual, although it's questionable size and variant in colour indicated its more-than-usual expensive price tag. It came with only a card but it wasn't attached to the bouquet itself and Andy knew that it was a message from Emily. She unfolded the simple white card that read, "Miranda arranged for the twins to sleepover at their friend's tonight. Will only be back after 9.30 though -Em" It was standard protocol for Miranda to get Emily to send Andy a bouquet when she either canceled on Andy, requested her presence or was psuedo-apologising. There was no cards that came from Miranda herself but Emily was given hints as to what the bouquets meant. She looked at the beautiful arrangement and felt a small spark in her. _At least it's an olive branch. _Miranda's hints to Emily never actually swayed to the apologetic option but her request for Andy's presence was the closest that one would ever get from the Dragon lady herself. _If she didn't want to see you at all, that would mean that she was really mad and non-apologetic. _Andy texted Em to thank her for the message and for delivering the flowers and got a, "You okay? Drinks tomorrow with Nige and Serena? M has dinner." Andy smiled at her friend's concern but couldn't help be disappointed that Miranda once again has dinner plans with whoever. "The flowers are really nice. _I'll take anything I can get from her. _I'm alright. See you tomorrow, Em!" She glanced at the clock, 9.15pm, and changed into Miranda's favourite lingerie set before wearing her work clothes once again. She then left for the townhouse but realised that it was empty. _So she's not back yet but I'll wait for her in bed. _She stripped and waited in their bed, reading the New Yorker while she waited. But she grew anxious, debating and musing internally if she should be totally undressed or keep her bra on or keep both on. She wasn't exactly well versed in seduction, knowing that she would never beat Miranda at this game. Nate was easy, all she had to do was start undressing and he would start his slobbering. But it wasn't for the lack of trying with Miranda, although most attempts ended up with Andy getting injured or rolling on the floor laughing while Miranda groaned in frustration. _Miranda is okay with weird awkward Andy though. So that's a good thing. Thank God. _

Miranda followed the trail of Andrea's clothes to her bedroom, secretly glad that Emily was read in about Andrea and herself. _Saves time when you have someone to fetch someone so fetching to you. _She was going to fuck Andrea until the cub reporter stopped this stupid game to establish control on what they have and surrendered to Miranda. _I'm in control here. _She had so much on her ever-growing plate and Andrea is demanding for quality time. I'll just have to remind her what my version of quality time is. She pushed the door ajar and licked her lips at the sight that greeted her. There was Andrea, in cerulean lace briefs kneeling on the bed with her back facing the door while her hands were bent awkwardly trying to unhook her bra. Miranda shook her head, imagined Andy's tongue was stuck out on the corner of her lips which was apparently her "I'm concentrated and no one's looking face", as she approached the girl on her bed who was stretching and reaching for the last hook. _Adorably awkward is the phrase you're looking for, Miriam. _"Maybe we should get you lingerie with front hooks instead," Miranda husked while her soft hands deftly unhooked the bra, slowly slipping it off her shoulders, smirking as she felt Andrea's body tremble.

Andy Sachs was in a duel against this expensive bra holding her breasts captive while she knelt on the soft bed. _The last hook is ridiculous. _Unconsciously, her tongue stuck out, her eyes looking to the corner as if visualising the bra. Her hands were bent at an awkward position and she hoped that Miranda wouldn't catch her in this position but she didn't hear anything. So when she heard a familiar voice husk at the shell of her left ear, she froze. _Oh shit. _She couldn't control her body's reaction when she felt Miranda's fingers slide the straps off her shoulder. When the bra was finally off, it was flung to somewhere behind the both of them. Andy's breasts were finally free from the bra only to be held captive once again by a pair hands that had snaked their way around her body to cup her full and round breasts. _Oh God. Oh. _Her nipples hardened as Miranda pinched it softly and Andy moaned. The moan sent jolts down to Miranda's clit, she throbbed but remained steadfast as Andrea continued to react to her ministrations. _Andrea's luscious body is asking to be owned. _

Miranda turned the woman in her embrace around, immediately attaching her lips to the pebbled flesh, capturing more of Andrea into her mouth, licking and lightly suckling the soft flesh. She smirked as Andrea arched against her, pressing their bodies together while her fingertips dug into Miranda's shoulder. _Now I have her attention… _She abruptly releases Andrea's right breast, gaining a groan from the young woman as she allowed her fingertips to brush along Andrea's thighs, "Andrea…", intentionally dragging out the last syllable in a teasing tone. _Punishment for acting like a sullen child by sleeping in the apartment yesterday. _She continued to stroke Andrea's thigh but she didn't move closer to the Andrea's heat. Instead, she pushed for the younger woman whose eyes were closed, arms pushing for their bodies to collide, to land on her back but remained standing herself. "I don't like repeating myself. Andrea…"

She groaned. _Damn this woman! Such a tease! _She felt herself being pushed onto the bed and she blinked her eyes open to see Miranda fully dressed standing at the edge of the bed watching her with one hand tucked on her waist while the other played with her belt. Miranda bit her lower lip sensually, knowing full well the effect it had on Andrea. She moaned Miranda's name, sitting up, her hand wanting to reach out, pull that damn belt off and throw it somewhere far away. "Miranda, I'm dripping. Please." _That usually works. _She spread her legs wide, showing the evidence of her arousal.

Miranda knew Andrea was dripping, she could see it as clear as day but she wanted Andrea's talented mouth on her first. "Hmmm… you were quite adamant on spending our time together on other things. Perhaps we should watch that movie you wanted last week," she knew full well, that Andrea was aching for her at this point. _I admit. I love having this power over someone. _And that made Andy whined, clearly in disagreement to that idea and annoyed at the fact that Miranda was such a controlled lover. "Why are you still dressed?" _You know the answer to that, Andy-bear._

"Well, do people watch movies naked?" she smirked as she saw Andrea nodding her head vigorously, pouting adorably at Miranda's teasing. "Also, no one made an effort to undress me when I entered," Miranda raised her eyebrows suggestively at Andrea and smirked, staring deep into those mesmerising chocolate orbs that glowed at that invitation. "Let me do something to fix that," Andy smiled, her hand grabbing Miranda's belt and pulled her down to kneel on the bed. _So she's ready to try that… I can do that. _

Undressing Miranda took almost forever as Andy occasionally got distracted by the smooth pale skin that asked to be kissed. "You are so beautiful, Miranda. I'll never stop wanting you," Andy whispered adoringly as she peppered kisses from her collarbone and tracked downwards. She paid special attention to Miranda's almost-invisible C-section scar and stretch marks that she had strived to memorise, kissing each that she had mapped, appreciating Miranda's body in its natural form and marvelling at the miracle of childbirth. _Thank you for the twins, Miranda. _Miranda trembled under Andrea's soft kisses that had been peppered around her naval, her c-section scar. She felt Andrea's love for her children and it never fails to overwhelm her. _How could she love the devil's spawns? _The answer to that question terrified her to the core, it shook the foundation that Miranda Priestly built herself on. _Because she loves the devil herself, Miriam. _

Miranda moans softly as she feels Andy's mouth skip the part of her anatomy that ached painfully for the young woman's tongue. Andy lifted Miranda's pale long legs, tracing her tongue against the inside of her thighs at the border of Miranda's pubic region. At this point, Miranda was trembling and moaning with a longing that she no longer wanted to suppress_. _Andy smiled at Miranda's surrender, her lover was usually less vocal, only supplying their-love making with a moan or whimper when she came or when Andy went down on her. _She doesn't need to say anything for me to know that she's totally gone. She's trembling and shaking like a leaf. _

Miranda gasped when Andrea jumped straight to pressing her lips against Miranda's wet folds. She couldn't exactly form a coherent thought as Andrea seemed to be sucking her, encouraging her hips to buck forward against the younger woman's lips. She bent her knees and pushed her sole against the bed. Miranda yearned for more contact as she felt Andrea's tongue make occasional contact with her throbbing clitoris. _How dare she tease me? _Andy made it a point to lean backwards, enjoying the view of Miranda bucking against the air to find her elusive tongue and lips. _Now I have your attention… _Andy lifted Miranda's legs into the air, spreading them wide, she guided Miranda to hold herself open for Andy. Andy knelt down, admiring Miranda's, "You. Are. So. Beautiful." She murmured reverently, her eyes shone bright as if she was worshiping Miranda in her full glory.

Andy used her fingers to spread Miranda's lips, earning a deep-throated moan from Miranda, and she dipped her tongue into the folds before releasing her fingers. Miranda trembled as she felt Andrea's trapped tongue wiggle against her throbbing heat. The semi-silky, semi-rough dual texture of Andrea's tongue drove Miranda crazy with wanton. Andy used her fingers to hold open Miranda's lips once again, dipping her tongue in and out expertly, savouring the juices that were not flowing freely from Miranda's pussy. She built up the tension, increasing her speed and stiffen her tongue against Miranda's fold, waiting for that climax that would surely shatter Miranda's world. At the last moment, Andrea attached her supple lips to the little pink clitoris that had been tempting her since she first saw it and sucked without reservation.

At that, Miranda Priestly experienced her first out-of-this-world oral sex orgasm. _She knew then that she wanted and needed more. Forever._ Her body convulsed and trashed wildly on the bed, her legs and arms trembling. She dropped her legs that she had been holding up but the almost vacuum-like pressure that was attached to her clit held on. "AAAANNNNDREAAA!" Miranda half-breathed, half-whimpered, bucking her self continuously against Andy's face, the motion adding onto the existing pressure and Miranda could only moan.

Repeatedly and the loudest Andy has ever heard Miranda moan, groan, whimper, and squeak her name, Andy came as well. _Miranda is so beautiful when she cums this hard. Miranda! _Miranda bucked with wild abandon, so Andy grabbed onto Miranda's slim waist in an effort to maximise Miranda's orgasm. _Anything to keep you happy. _Andy watched with wide brown eyes as Miranda's eyes continued to glaze every time she made a sucking motion with her lips against her clit. It was then clear to Andy that her pressure had caused mini-orgasms that overlapped and made one continuous orgasm for Miranda. She was cumming buckets and Andy vigorously lapped up the precious juices, loving the sweet taste of her lover. The occasional squirt that came when Andy decided to be cheeky by pushing one digit into Miranda earned her a squirt to her face. She could lick up the cum around her mouth but there were parts that could only be cleaned when they dripped down to Andy's jaw.

"ANNDDREEEEEAAA! UUGGH! MMMHHH! UHHHH!" Miranda felt like she had just died, like she had been cumming for an hour against Andrea's talented mouth, tongue, lip and finger. _Oh what a way to go if I did. _ Andy didn't think that Miranda should cum for more than half and hour. Her tongue and lips were also going numb from the pressure she pushed to inflict. So she slowly withdrew her mouth and tongue from Miranda's pussy, flattening her tongue to lap up the remaining juices, cleaning Miranda with her saliva that tasted like Miranda's cum. Miranda struggled to flutter her eyelids apart but when she did, she was taken aback. It was a sight she swore to commit to memory, to sear it into the hardware of her being. The pure sensual and submissive sight of Andy between her thighs, moping up and licking the excess of her juices was more than enough to give her a quirt. She gasped when it hit Andy's eyelashes and the younger woman fluttered her long eye lashes to look up. They met each other's stare and Miranda melted into the soft bed from the intensity of feelings that resonated from the hazed chocolate orbs, the last of Miranda's juices then released from her swollen and still throbbing pussy. _HOLY FUCK! I have never came as hard. _Andrea eyes widened at the last wave of juices that she let puddle on the bed. _Oh wow. She came. A lot. _

* * *

Andy looked at the glimmering lights of the other buildings that blurred from unshed tears as smiled mirthlessly at that recollection. _Wow. I was too blind to realise that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Nothing more than an obedient fuck toy. _Her hands clenched into tight fist as she recalled her post-coital snuggling being interrupted by Miranda's Book responsibilities. "Let me up, Andrea. Some of us actually have work to do." _You see, Andy-bear? Nothing more than a bed warmer and human dildo._

Andy tightened her jaw, anxious to suppress the raging anger that she felt. _I'm just so tired. _She sighed, knowing that there was still the next part of her plan that begged to be executed. _Next time, I'll remember to make a plan with less parts. _Andy went back into the building, her hands curled around her phone and the strap of her messenger bag. She pushed the door to step into the apartment, making a mental note to remember to lock the door when she left later. _Em's going to have a fit if she ever find that you left your door open again. _"For fuck's sake, can you please LOCK your bloody door? We live in New York, not some hillbilly place called Cincinnati. Seriously, Andy. DO IT!" Amused by the memory of Emily cursing at her when they returned from dinner yesterday, she mused over her long to-do list, reassuring herself that this was what she wanted. _Needed. _She was deep in thought, worried about Emily and Nigel, when she was surprised by the figure seating on the sofa. Her eyes widened, her mouth parted, struggling to form the necessary words. _You forgot about this, Andy-bear. Great… _

_"_And-…"

* * *

DO YOU LIKE YOUR REWARD?

Feel free to answer in the form of a review! You know how much that thrills me…

Tell me what you think about the song, "Words as weapons" by birdy, this chapter or it's content! Please and thank you! :)

Luce.


	8. One Way Only (ii)

**Disclaimer**

All characters with the exception of James Clark belongs to Lauren Weisberger.

**Warning**

The content of this fanfiction may trigger ill emotions and feelings due to the mature rating attached to the explicit content. A very strict warning to the level of mature and violent themes present in this fanfiction. Please be advised that if you choose to read it, it is entirely at your own risk.

**A/N**

Hey guys! Sorry for it took so long. I know it must have killed you to wait so long. Trust me, it kills me to wait for reviews and feedback from you too. Oh you see the cover for this fic? It's all thanks to EvilAngels26. [You are awesome and I am grateful for you! I'll tell you about your gift in my normal reply to you when you review!]

For those who wish to contact me and receive some occasional updates about this fic, I have a twitter account, poeticheretic.

Unbeta-ed. Sorry about spelling errors. Enjoy!

* * *

**Lost and Insecure**

**Chapter 5 : One Way Only (ii)**

_"_And-…"

Andy took a step towards the figure in her living room, stopping her name from being completed. _Oh God. I forgot. _She approached the figure whose eyes then widened, anxious to take a step back to continue pacing around the living room but Andy circled her fingers around the slim wrists to stop said person from wearing a hole in the floor. It was disconcerting for Andy to see her like this. _She's usually so unfazed. _

"What are you doin-" Andy started to speak only to be interrupted by long arms pulling their bodies together. It was a tight almost-Andy-bear hug. _Ha! Wait till Em finds out. A _silk-smooth voice could be heard as the initiator of the hug said after a few definable seconds of embrace. "Don't you dare!" Blue eyes hued in shades of concern for the brunette stared into Andy's chocolate orbs, looking for the tell-tale signs of sorrow and brokenness. _You won't find anything there. _

"What is the meaning of this? I have to hear it from Nigel that-" the voice trailed off as Andy pushed the shoulders away gently with her hands and turned her face from those searching eyes. "-that you caught-" At this, Andy pulled away, striding as fast as she could to the study, not wanting to hear the words that would follow. She locked the study room door, despite knowing that it would only cause a bigger commotion. _I gotta get out of here. _

* * *

One Way Only. Miranda smiled mirthlessly at the road sign as she sat in the comforts of her town car. _One way towards your downward spiral you mean, Miriam? _She didn't know what awaited her behind the door, if Andrea would be there. _Perhaps she will be waiting for you, ready to confront you? You wish, Miriam. _Miranda wanted Andrea to be behind the door, in her townhouse. She wished she was sitting on the couch cheering her children on in some mindless video game, or in bed, reading her a cheap paperback crime novel waiting for her. _Wistful thinking, Miriam. _She wished she would be angry and cursing, pacing around, furious at Miranda's infidelity. _She was never supposed to know. And now she does. What are you going to do, Miriam?_

Miranda didn't know the answer to that question. She unlocked the door and headed straight for the study room where she was expecting Andrea to be in. Her knees weakened at the sight that greeted her when she pushed the door inwards. It was empty, utterly empty. _Like your life will be once the twins find out what you've actually done. _She leaned against the door for support, knowing that the absence of the younger women meant that it was over. _Truly over. She can't even stand the sight of you, Miriam. I don't even know how you can look into the mirror. _

* * *

Andy heard the knocks against the door of the study room but she continued to scroll through the website on the illuminated screen. "Open the door, Andrea Sachs!" A muffled but easily recognisable voice was heard but Andy's eyes continued to flicker from left to right, taking in the information to make her decision. She continued, ignoring the knocks and muffled voice that seemed only to increase in desperation, until she found what she needed. _This could work. _She clicked on "Print" and retrieved it from the printer tray, noting that it was suddenly silent from behind the door. _I don't think she's gone. She can't be. She would want an explanation. _

Andy then unlocked her desk drawer to retrieve the document that was essential to the next part of her plan. _I'll be stuck here without it. _ When she found the small booklet, she quickly slipped it into her pocket. _She will only freak out if she sees this without an explanation from me. _She walked towards the door, expecting to find said person pacing in front of the door. _Technically, she owes you an explanation. Not so much you to her. _

When she swung the door open, Andy was properly surprised by sight of the woman kneeling on the floor in front of her. She had a hammer in one hand and a screwdriver in the other. _Wow and a deer in headlights look to go with it too. "_What in the world are you trying to do with those?" Andy narrowed her eyes at the woman and questioned, indicating at the tools that mysteriously appeared in the apartment as she moved past the woman to go to the bedroom.

* * *

Miranda finally padded out of the dark study room and headed for her children's playroom where she found one Emily Charlton was tucked between her children, looking like a "deer caught in headlights" expression, as she was trapped by slim arms that wrapped around her far too thin waist. "Oh. Miranda, you're back. Uh-," she said as she made efforts to get out of the twins' hold. "Don't look so surprised. This is my house after all," Miranda retorted softly. _I must look horrible. Tear stained cheeks and swollen eyed._ With each step towards her children, her ache in her heart intensified and it showed on her face. _So Andrea is not here. Was she here? Will she be here later? How will I explain to the twins? _She stopped in front of Emily and her children on the couch, bent forward to nudge Caroline and Cassidy. "Bobbseys wake up. Emily is going to help me get you two back to your own rooms," she looked at Emily who met her eyes, read the silent signal and solemnly nodded. _I'll talk to you later._

Caroline rubbed her eyes when she heard her mother's voice. "Huh? Oh. You're back." Her blue eyes widened, when she saw the state that her mother was in. _Well, the three of us probably looked alike, our eyes puffy and our noses red. _She nudged her mumbling sister hard. "Cass!" she hissed, effectively waking her sister from her crying-induced nap. Cassidy's reaction to her mother was something that Emily wished she didn't have to witness. It would have been humorous to witness the Dragon facing off against her two baby Dragons if Emily was standing at a distance, but here she was, glued to the couch since any exit path was blocked by either Miranda or the twins. _Fuck! I DO NOT NEED THIS! Miranda is going to fire me after this. And Andy and Nige are probably waiting for me. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS BLOODY WEEKEND? _Her eyes darted back and forth, watching nervously as Cassidy stared down at Miranda while she crossed her arms across her chest. _Well, someone has been learning body language from the Dragon herself._

The older twin knew what was to come, and she pitied Emily. _She's caught in this whole mess. Just like us. _She liked Emily, who she knew secretly liked her and her sister, despite being absolutely terrified of their mother. Though Emily's idol-worship decreased exponentially when she became friends with Andy who then had a thing with mom. _Had. Is it really "had" now? YES, CARO! AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF HER! _Caroline closed her eyes and steeled herself for what she knew her sister was about to say. _Cass, think about this carefully. She's still our mom, Cass. I'm angry and sad too but can't you see? I think-_She was cut off by Cassidy's almost whisper, something she obviously learned from their mother, and Caroline could only hold her breath.

"Andy is going to LA," Cassidy Priestly said softly, having learned from her mother how to show extreme anger or disappointment by low decibel speech. She was beyond livid and she had wild stormy blue eyes to prove it as she locked glares with Miranda's, whose eyes contradicted Cassidy's in emotion. Miranda Priestly was a master at hiding her emotions. It would not be different this time despite the great shock she experienced from the information her daughter shared. _LA? What is she going to do there? Is it permanent? She's moving across the country to avoid me?_

She could see the anger behind Cassidy's body language, intonation and eyes. _She learned all of this from you, Miriam? Aren't you proud? _Caroline, on the other hand, was entirely sad and disappointed. Something which Miranda herself was not adept to handling when she felt it herself. _She's disappointed in you, Miriam. What else can she feel when you ruined the one good thing that kept this family afloat? Andy told them and now she's leaving you and your smart children, Miriam. _She steeled her voice to reply, "Is that why she isn't here for dinner, girls?" _Playing dumb, Miriam? Even the girls haven't used that trick in a long time._

Cassidy's eyes widened, she couldn't believe it. _WHAT THE FUCK? SHE'S PLAYING DUMB?! Language, Cass. Let me handle this. _Caroline grabbed her sister's elbow, crashing their body together. _This should stop her from launching herself at their mother. _She exchanged glances at Emily, who has been twitching nervously and mumbling since their mother woke them up. _Emily, please do something. _She then, looked into her mother's eyes, which mirrored hers and she was reminded of Andy hugging them close. _It must have hurt to look into our eyes when she missed mom's._

Emily Charlton liked to pride herself as being in control and composed. This was one of the instances where her two winning qualities neeeded to make an appearance. _For fucking Andy's sake, the bloody mini-devils and maybe even the fucking Devil herself. _She internally forced a mask of professionalism, she was now Runway's Assistant Art Director. Not bloody Andrea Sachs' best friend. "Miranda, Andy received a job offer from a magazine in LA. She's permanently relocating there." _Stupid fib, Miranda will fucking ask for the name and I'll have to pull something out my ass. It wasn't even in that initial oh-so-great plan of hers. That bloody cow. Oh fuck! Miranda's eyes look like Cassidy's now. She looks like she knows! WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THAT FUCKING CERULEAN ENVELOPE? I'm going to skin that Cincinnati idiot when I see her next!_

Miranda felt simultaneous relief and eyes flashed with indecipherable emotions as she takes in Emily's angry expression and the girls' matching looks of sadness. _What are you going to say, Miriam? What can you say? _"Please Emily, Pray tell which publication in LA is going to hire a nameless reporter from New York?" She responded haughtily. _Why do you choose to dig a deeper grave Miriam? Because I don't know another way to punish myself for the hurt I caused. Now shut up! _Emily tightened her fist and dug it into her sides. _You will not punch your boss. You will not punch your best friend's ex. You will not punch Miranda Priestly, the fucking High Priestess of Fashion. _She looked down, intent on ignoring Miranda's ridiculous jab at Andy. _Andy said no killing. She didn't mention anything about hitting her. STOP TEMPTING ME!_

* * *

Serena liked to pride herself as being perceptive and unwavering. Well, at least most of the time she was. She made an effort to be. Unless it was an unscheduled/surprise Art department meeting with Miranda or after seeing Emily Charlton flirt with random guys in bars. Or as she recently found out, getting news about Miranda cheating on Andy while you were on the other side of the country. _Don't forget the nagging feeling you got when you stared into Andy's eyes._

When one of the vultures asked about Miranda and James Clarke, it was a hot and sticky Sunday afternoon where she was at the Sephora's Summer launch representing Runway. _Is there even something to worry about? Miranda is always doing this and Andy pretends to be okay while Nigel and English fret on and on about the two of them. _Serena deflected the non-question with fake enthusiasm about new blood in the "tight-knit" team. _Everyone loves hearing about how tight knit Runway is because they know it's not. _When she finally escaped that party with too much fakes smiles and forced niceties, safely ensconced in her Runway complimentary hotel room, she was finally able to check the message that Nigel left for her in her voicemail. _Her stint with Miranda left her with one habit she couldn't shake - unread notifications. _

"Hey Serena, I don't think Em managed to contact you yet but you might not be able to understand her message if she didn't say it to you face-to-face. The accent and cursewords oever the phone is harder to decipher. Even though I guess you're safe from murder charges since you're all the way in LA. _Murder charges? What has happened this time? _So… you know how Miranda and James Clarke have been a bit chummy lately? _This again? The rumor mill is certainly working its way from coast to coast. _Uh-erm. The thing is…. Fuck. Now I know how Em feels. Er-Andycaughttheminbedatthetownhouse. _WHAT THE FUCK? _If you didn't understand that, it's okay. _You forgor that I was first assistant to Emily's nervous chatter. Of course I understood. _Em and I just left Andy at the apartment. _Seriously? _We were with her the whole day yesterday though so don't get your beautiful face in a twist. Even though Em did find Andy in a tub full of water. _What?!_ Nope that's not helping huh? _You don't say. _Okay er so ciao. It's okay if you didn't manage to get the message, really. I wish I didn't. Shit is going to hit the fan, Serena. _Oh my God, English must be losing her scones over this. Andy, shit, she probably already lost it._

By the time she finished listening to the message, she had already finished packing her bag. _English is going to kill Miranda and Andy won't kill herself but I have a funeral to attend. Figuratively and literally. _She texted Jocelyn on the way to the airport, claiming an emergency back in New York. _It's not a lie. _She could not settle throughout the flight, her mind wracked from indefinite outcomes that could happen because Miranda couldn't keep it in her skirt. She was sure Miranda loved Andy, having seen the exceptions Miranda made when it came to Andy as the second assistant. _But Nigel's message was clear. Andy caught them. FUCK! _At that thought, Serena's usual calmness and gracefulness thinned. She wringed her hands together on her laps, her body shuffled awkwardly in the seat. _Shit is going to hit the fan. If it didn't already. The question was whether the three of them would end up as collateral damage to Miranda's idiocracy and Andy's pain. My poor English. _

She didn't call any of them when she landed at La Guardia but she headed for Miranda's apartment. _Why don't we ever call it Andy's if she has been living there for almost a year? _She wasn't sure if they would be there but she was determined to see Andy. _I'll know when I see her. _But she didn't. She only got a nagging feeling, a foreshadowing of sorts that something bad was bound to happen. Which was why she decided to break the study room door. _There goes unwavering and perceptive Serena._

* * *

Cassidy and Caroline looked at each other, then simultaneously turned to study the person who supposedly gave birth to them. _SHE'S UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE, CARE! Stop shouting and cursing! It's bad enough she's using this tactic, I don't need this from you too! _Caroline glared at her mother, her sister, and at nervous Emily, then stomped out of the room. The three people left in the playroom heard a loud slam moments later. Miranda hand twitched at her eldest daughter's retreat to her room. _They are never going to forgive me. _

"I hope you're happy, mother," Cassidy said sarcastically while she stared piercingly at Miranda, and then nodded at Emily who was staring at her biting her lips nervously. Emily begged Cassidy with her eyes not to react violently or her last shred of control would crumble as well. Cassidy then resoluted to followed her sister's example and stalked herself out of the room and slammed the door on her way out. She opened her sister's door and slammed that behind her as well. _Take your stupid no door slamming rule and eat it, mother! _She then locked it, not wanting their mother to interrupt.

"Care, I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. I don't understand why this is all happening. I wish Andy was here. I want Andy to be happy with us. Why can't mom make her happy like how Andy makes her? Why, Care?" Cassidy laid beside her sister on her poster bed and held hands, staring at the ceiling while they both let the tears wet the sides of thier faces. "I don't know, Cass. Maybe mom doesn't love Andy as much as we do? I really don't know. I don't want Andy to be sad if the three of us are happy. All four of us have to be happy. _Not just us. Not just mom._ I wish our love was enough but I don't think it is, Cass." Caroline said softly, sobbing as her heart ached for Andy, knowing that if their mom didn't really love her, Andy must be really sad. "S-she said we could email her, r-right? Let's do that in a few days. We can still love her even if she's f-faraway." Cassidy understood the unspoken question that her sister posed. "Of course we can." _We will love her forever. She loves us unconditionally. So we will too. _

* * *

Serena put down the tools that she had found under the sink and trailed after the brunette to the bedroom. _English will never forgive me if I let anything happen to her best friend. Even if she never calls Andy that out loud. _"I wasn't trying to kill myself with a letter opener, Serena. Too much blood. Your English would have a fit if I destroyed the carpet she chose for that room." She heard Andy said, far too calmly and darkly amused. Yet the mention of Emily's antics never failed to bring a smile to Serena's face. "I know you wouldn't. _You are planning something far worst. _I just wanted to try out something I saw on the Discovery channel the other day," she retorted, consciously keeping her tone light, knowing that this Andy Sachs in front of her was a different woman from the one she had hugged goodbye last Sunday at Morley's before she left for sweltering L.A. _Damn you, Miranda._

Andy met Serena's stare once again for only a millisecond, her eyes cold with determination to execute her plan. _I have to do this. For me. _"So Emily told Nigel and Nigel told you. Wow our _little secret club _is incapable of keeping each other's secret from one another. I wonder if I should blabbed like they did about the things I know," Andy pointedly quipped with her back against Serena as she started removing clothes from the wardrobe, knowing that Serena was the only one perceptive enough to catch on about her plan and she wasn't about to let Serena stop her for the sake of Emily. _Hurt before you get hurt. Sound familiar? _"Stop it, Andy. We both know this isn't you. _Spiked barbs and running away? Not the Andy Sachs I know._" "How do you know this isn't me? I don't even know who me is anymore! _I need to rediscover who I am. For myself._" At this, a single tear escaped the corner of Andy's eyes. Even my tear ducts are against me._ They won't fucking dry. _Andy sniffed as if to figuratively recollect herself and continued to pack her clothes into a duffle bag she had on the bed. She rolled her clothes to maximise space and exchanged weary glances with a despondent Serena that was leaning against the bedroom door frame. _I can't stay here. Where I've lost so much of myself._

Documents with Andy's picture and the printed words, "One Way Only" was tucked into the bag by Andy as she heard Serena let out a sigh and say, "You know she'll miss you." "She has you." _English is NOT going to like this departure at all._

* * *

Miranda's cheek twitched twice at Cassidy's actions. _Would you rather she slap you, Miriam? Like how you did to your own ma? _She flinched at that inner trigger. Willing herself not to crumble again at the thought of Andrea's choice to leave. _She's doesn't even want to see your face, Miriam. Much less confront you about your stupidity. _She steeled herself not to break character in front of her employee, Andrea's best friend. _Be grateful that Nigel and this Emily girl hasn't murdered you yet, Miriam. I think if they knew how many times you begged for your darling James Junior, they might just tear you apart with their bare hands. _Miranda blushed red at the self-reminder of her own choice. _It was for Runway. To secure my position. Irv wanted to replace me- _"Miranda, if you don't need anything else, I am leaving," Emily interrupted her internal justification against the real accusations by the voice of her dead mother. _I will never escape you, will I, ma? You will always be mine, Miriam._

"I need to speak with you about some changes regarding Runway's upper level personnel. _That should scare her." _Miranda smirked at Emily's barely contained squeak. _Maybe you should just quit before she fires you. After all she's done to Andy, what kind person would you be if you continued to work for your best friend's lying cheating ex? But it's Runway. No, but it's Andrea fucking Sachs. _"Miranda, what do you me-"Miranda left the twins' playroom before Emily could complete her question. She silently groaned, an act she mastered with facial expressions to match after being Miranda's assistant. Trailing behind a wordless and stone-faced Miranda, she was led into Miranda's study room. _Maybe this is your chance to use a letter opener. I NEED TO SEE A FUCKING SHRINK ABOUT MY MURDEROUS INNER VOICE. _

Miranda sat in her seat and gestured for Emily to take a seat in front of her. Her eyes flickering to the drawer that contained the contract that she had James signed yesterday. _Your reward for being a whore, Miriam. _She pursed her lips at the irony. Indeed she had paid the price for being a whore. She had lost both Andrea and to a certain extent, her children. All for the sake of Runway. _I hope I'm happy too, Cassidy. But Miriam, will you ever be? Happy? That's for good people. _She stood up abruptly, mentally smirking at Emily's conflicted expression. _Look at her moral struggle. _ She reached for the bottle filled with amber liquid, unscrewing it as she poured a healthy amount into the glass. _I need something strong. A single shot of Whiskey. And then double so forth like I used to, right Miriam? Absolutely. _

Miranda Priestly liked to pride herself as a decisive person, firm and resolute to in her decisions and choices. This time, she decided, savouring the numbing ability of the amber liquid, would be the one other time in her life where her choice would effectively change her life from here on out. She had already signed a contract that sold her to the devil, she might as well cash in her "One Way Only" ticket to Hell while she was at it. _Always going all the way, Miriam. Even when it came to your Pa. _

"Someone will be departing from our _close knit _team, effectively immediately, Emily." The first assistant turned assistant Art Director gulped at Miranda's tone which, according to Emily's knowledge had more than her usual amused-malicious and wicked inflection. _FUCK! Departure?_

* * *

So what do you guys think? Remember to review! You'll make me so happy!

Luce.


	9. Departure

**Disclaimer**

All characters with the exception of James Clark belongs to Lauren Weisberger.

**Warning**

The content of this fanfiction may trigger ill emotions and feelings due to the mature rating attached to the explicit content. A very strict warning to the level of mature and violent themes present in this fanfiction. Please be advised that if you choose to read it, it is entirely at your own risk.

**A/N**

First of all, I'm sorry for dropping off the grid and moving at such a glacial pace at updating this current chapter. Hope you guys aren't too mad at the AWOL but I understand if you are. Hungry readers = angry & impatient readers, no? I apologise for not having forewarned any of you about my absence. I know I did for my exams.

For those who I have been exchanging PMs or those who actually read A/Ns, I've just finished my final college exam. For those curious about my whatabouts, rest assured to know that I have been writing. Writing more chapters, outlines, snippets of convos that come randomly. But I have also been writing personal stuff. Reflecting on my college course as well as struggling with some issues. My future (or the lack of thereof), purpose, existence and basically all those stuff that gets you into a semi-depressed/semi-inflective mood. (Holler if you get what I mean?)

I will be updating regularly but I hope to see more feedback from all of you. For those who have been faithfully reviewing and exchanging PMs with me, know that you are like my Nigels, Emilys and Serenas. Without your support since "The End", I wouldn't have even written "Forks in the Road" (And we all know how long those chapters were…). So thank you and please keep it up! Favourites and Follows are cool too! It's your silent way of telling me what you think but a bit of expression is good too!

This story is unbeta-ed. Sorry about the spelling errors.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Lost and Insecure**

**Chapter 6 : Departure**

Serena watched Emily strut around Nigel's living room like a caged animal, alternating between swearing loudly and muttering frantically. Perched at the edge of the couch, following the dizzying movements, Serena used every ounce of self-control left in her to remain seated. _I wonder if a kiss will shut her up and calm her down. _The occasional sharp stares and shaking finger directed in her direction made her feel uncomfortable even though it was most likely meant for the person who sat beside her. _Please don't let her kill the messenger. _Serena shook her head as she recalled conveying Andy's departure to the both of them when they asked about Andy's whereabouts.

"WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK IS HAPPENING AROUND HERE? WH-… Oh it's for her, wasn't it Nige? I should have known. But FUCK! EFFECTIVE FUCKING IMMEDIATELY? It has been a shit weekend and now the thought of tomorrow makes me want to off myself! MAYBE I'LL TAKE A FUCKING BATH AND PURPOSELY FALL ASLEEP!"

"Eng-…" Serena's started as her face wore concern for the screaming redhead.

"That reminds me. HER! THAT STUPID COW! Wait till I get my hands on her. Oh I'm going to enjoy squeezing the fucking life out of her BLOODY ARSE! I'm going to hunt her down, then kill you. Or vice versa! You- you two are UNGRATEFUL FUCKING LOYAL SOFTHEARTED SODS! Half hissed and half-roared, Emily turned away from the both of them on the couch, unwilling to let them see that she was in fact, deeply hurt by their abandonment.

When a telling sniff was heard, Nigel started, "Em…"

"NO! You don't get to say anything! Too fucking late! I HAD TO FUCKING HEAR IT FROM THE DEVIL HERSELF? HOW NICE OF YOU, KIPLING!" Emily roared, taking a deep breath as if to calm down before she continued, "And I had to hear that she is leaving the fucking country from Serena. Was this part of the fucking plan all this time?!" She continued strutting around the coffee table. _They fucking planned Operation Screw Miranda Over without thinking about the fucking damage they are inflicting on me. Some friends they are. Not even a hug from that silly cow before she left._

Nigel squirmed in her seat while he watched Serena slowly shift from tense to unfazed as Emily's rant and shouting progressed. _They would make such an odd couple. Calm meets frantic neurotic. _He nudged her while gulping at the sight of the fiery redhead who had her hands clenched and pushing her heels onto his hardwood floor. The fact that his successor at Runway alternated between screaming loudly and jibberishly muttering made Nigel very nervous. "Serena, do something to calm her down instead of just sitting there. She's going to die from a stroke or heart attack at this point." _I thought the promotion would make up for not telling her beforehand. Oh what a fucking miscalculation. I have to make up for this. _

Serena knew that when Emily felt hurt and scared, she resorted to anger. A behavior she learned from the Fashion Priestess herself. _Damn you, Miranda. English's pride is bruised and her feelings wounded. _"Emily is just fine. She needs this. You are going to take it because you and Andy fucking screwed her over in your duel with Miranda. I'm just happy she isn't killing the messenger." _Don't worry, English. I'm still here._

Nigel blushed red over Serena's hushed bristle, embarrassed from being called out by another one of his friends for abandoning Emily. "I really thought she was going to be too happy about the promotion to get angry about the lack of warning," Serena gave him a pointed glare as if to ask if he was being serious. _You think my English is heartless? She's not Miranda Priestly. _Nigel cowered further, "I didn't know that Andy was going to leave the country. For Christ's sake, I was expecting her to be here, to help Em see the positive side of my resignation."

_You can't be serious, Nige. _She looked at the bald man and shook her head, "Even if she was still around, that Andy. The one that sees the brighter side of things is probably gone, Nige." _Liar! Probably? You know it's gone. _"No, Serena. I know she seems a bit cold and far too calm for a person in her situation but I think it's just the shock. She'll be back. _She has to be. _He turned his attention from Serena, not willing to see her lack of faith in his Six and looked instead at Emily who was calming down as he heard her muttering something about her to-do list for tomorrow. _I'll grovel for forgiveness from Em. But Six? She is going to bounce back from this. The question is, how high?_

Serena knew that Nigel was placing hope in someone who has lost everything, lost her significant other, children that she considered her own, her parents, her childhood. _At least she still has us._ Personally, she couldn't imagine going through that pain and she prayed to God that she never had to. She would rather live every day in blissful hopefulness that Emily would return her love entirely than to be broken by Emily betraying her love. _For my English and Nigel's sake, I hope I'm wrong about Andy. _

"Where are you goin-…" Serena said when she saw Emily suddenly pick her bag up and sling it over her shoulder but was interrupted by the loud shrill of her ringtone. The three of them looked at the blinking luminance from the phone that flashed th the pixelated picture of a certain doe-eyed reporter on the screen. The phone vibrated on the coffee table while the people in the apartment froze.

_She said she would call me but I didn't think she would._

_Six! _

_JUST FUCKING GREAT!_

And with that, all three of them rushed to reach for the phone on the table.

* * *

Being the closest to the table, Emily had an unfair advantage but all's fair in love and war._ And this is fucking war! That bloody cow left New York without so much of a goodbye. _She grabbed the phone and clicked to accept the call, pressing the phone to her ear, but she wasn't given a chance to speak before she heard the calm voice on the receiving end. Expecting something either more harried or panicky, Emily wanted a better explanation from Andy than the message Serena passed. _If she thought just passing the message, "I have to go", is going to work. She is in for it!_

"Hello Emily. I know it's you because you would have fought the other two for the phone. It's either that or your killed the both of them. Serena might have just surrendered the phone to you too. Anyways, I'm about to board in 15 minutes and I wanted to tell you where I'm going. Come to think of it, making Serena play messenger was a bit mean on my part huh? Was she a nervous wreck? Oh never mind. She's always a nervous when it comes to you. You want to put me on speaker so that I can tell Nigel and Serena too? Em? I don't have all night, y'know," Andy's intonation made it seem as if nothing was out of the norm.

Emily's eyes widened, her mouth gaped open as she listened to Andy ramble slightly but it lacked the usual nervousness. She looked at Serena and Nigel who mirrored one another in their confused expression. When she recovered, Emily sniffed and pulled the phone away from her ears to place it on the table, clicked on a button to turn on the loudspeaker, strutted over to the sofa and plopped herself onto it. She huffed. _Silent treatment it is then, Andy Sachs! Harumph! _

"Em… Gee don't be mad. Come on, you haven't even heard about where I'm going yet. I bet you'll feel better when you know…" Andy teased, knowing that her best friend hated it when she was surprised but could never stand for the anticipation of a big reveal. Andy heard Emily huffed, "Ugh fine. Just so we're clear, I hate you Andy Sachs", and the brunette broke into a melodious laughter. The weightlessness that echoed through the speakers warmed the three people in Nigel's living room.

"Hey Si-… Do you want us to call you Charlie instead? If you ask me, I don't think Emily is feeling or looking rather angelic right now," Nigel teased mischievously as he nudged the red-haired but pouted when he received a cold shrug. "You think you're funny, Kipling. Wait till she hears about your part of the plan."

"Hahah you can call me anything you want, _Angels_. You always have, Nige. Don't start asking for permission or ideas now… Ooh Em's mad at you too. You're jobless and shunned by Emily. Oh wait, I think I'm going through that too. So you really did it." Andy's rhetoric question earned her a slack jaw from both Emily and Serena but a small knowing smile from the bald headed man. "You knew?" Emily and Serena chorused, they were certain that Nigel's decision was out of impulse, a heat of the moment retaliation against Miranda to defend Andy. Yet Andy revealing that she knew meant that he must have told her. _You little shits! Unless the silly cow did her weird hocus-pocus mind reading thing on Nigel._

"Uhm-yeah. Let's just say he thought that doing so would repay a debt. Just so you know Nige, I never wanted you to. I expected yes, but want? Never. I know how much you and Em love Runway. Hey Serena. Thanks for helping out." Andy no longer sounded as cheery. _Nigel and Em shouldn't be the one to pay. The munchkins too. _

"A warning would have been nice though. From the bloody both of you." the accented voice chimed in, staring daggers at Nigel. Emily examined her nails while seated on the couch, suddenly overwhelmed again by the fact that both her best friends weren't going to be a permanent fixture. Taking note of this nervous habit that usually meant that Emily's emotions were running wild, Serena stood up and crossed to the other side of the large couch, settling down beside Emily, pulling the hands from the redhead's focus. Emily felt calmer as she felt her long fingers massaging her hands. Taking a deep breath she continued, "Well, tell us where you're trotting to before I make a bloody call to ban you from boarding your plane." She exchanged soft glances with Serena, whose calm blue eyes gave her the assurance she needed desperately. _I really need a fucking drink. Should have taken up Miranda's offer. She was drinking it like it was Pellegrino._

"London, Em. Thought I should see where you got your coolness and steal some for myself," the teasing tone returned but it didn't sound as carelessly confident as when she first started talking since her leaving without a face-to-face goodbye must have deeply wounded the redhead. _Sorry Em. I really am. _

"You shan't. You don't have a single cool bone in your fat arse," Emily retorted but her scowl from previously broke into a small smile as she realised that Andy was fulfilling the declaration that she had made months ago when Emily and Andy shared a discussion about their respective birthplaces. "One day, Em. I'll go to that shady little pub where you bartended and ask for the Emily Special. And I'll get positively smashed on it," the last part of that declaration said in a horrible imitation of the haughty accent sent Emily laughing. "Just don't fucking speak like that. I don't sound like that, you fat cow! And don't even try to get me to go to Cincinnati. We aren't characters in 'The Holiday'."

Andy laughed at Emily's sharp retort, knowing that the Brit secretly loved and hated the idea of Andy "terrorising" London. She had hoped to experience the city with the redhead _or someone else _as her guide previously but the quest to rediscover parts of herself was a solo mission. Nigel was decidedly quiet, was wondering if Andy's choice to go to London was influenced by a certain silver-haired Editor. _Six knows that Miranda is from across the pond too. Fuck. I hope Six knows what she's doing. _

"Guys, I'm not disappearing, okay? _I wouldn't do that to the three of you._ I'll give weekly updates and promise to send gifts. I need this. But I also need your support," Andy's voice grew hoarse, the gush of emotion threatening to unravel her as she sat in one of the plastic seats at La Guardia. _I'm going to miss them so much. _"And you have it. _Always._ Don't forget that. _Ever." _Emily understood from when Serena told them that Andy needed to some alone time. She was hurt, angry and annoyed by being caught off guard but she wasn't an oblivious best friend. _Just a FUCKING PISSED one. _"I'll send you a list of things I want," Emily sniffed. _Just because I understand doesn't mean you fat cow won't pay for leaving without giving me a Andy-bear hug. _

"Awww, Em. I love you too and I will get everything on that list! Nige? Serena?"

"Of course, Andy. I ready told you so. Make sure to keep all of us updated. _Especially English." _

"Sorry, Six. Of course. Just don't come back with an Emily accent. You know we love your Ohio roots. One Brit is more than enough in our international club," Nigel teased, laughing as Emily stuck her tongue out at him.

"Thanks, guys. I gotta go but I'll skype or write in a day or two. Love you guys!" Andy didn't wait for their reply and clicked off. Their love and care for her was evident in their support, she didn't need them to say it back. With the assurance of a strong support base back in New York, Andy Sachs could now depart from New York for the rest of the world confidently.

**"This is the final boarding call for passengers on flight 372A to London. Please proceed to gate 3 immediately." **_Okay Andy-bear! Time to start the next part of sorting yourself out._

* * *

Emily wanted to stab someone or something. Miranda's casual mention of Nigel's departure from the team had struck a nerve with the Brit at first when she thought he had been fired for delivering Andy's message. _How could she?_ She had glared at Miranda, not trusting herself to say anything but Miranda's reply to her alarmed expression caught her off guard. "Before you even think about uttering a single word of those false accusations running in your little head, I did not fire him. He tendered his resignation. Hmm, maybe he forgot to tell you." Miranda smirked, her tone for the last part dripped with sarcasm.

Emily was trying to process this new information as she looked at Miranda, who wore a smirk that made her murderous inner voice beg for action. She would not give herself or Miranda the satisfaction, knowing that her best friend's ex enjoyed getting a rise out of people. "Do you want me to set up an interview with Ivan? I will pass along the message to HR if Samantha is unavailable to assist you. _And do her fucking job._" She was given strict instructions by Andy to maintain professional when Miranda returned from Runway.

"I need you to stay with the twins until she comes home. Try to calm the twins down before she returns. Also, she will probably interrogate you. So steer clear of non-Runway stuff." She had scoffed then at Andy's insistence of giving her "advice" on what to do when dealing with Miranda. "Oh fine. I'll follow, just this once. Don't ever mention it!" Emily smiled tight-lipped, realising that Andy's advice was rather redundant, seeing as the lines of Runway stuff and non-Runway stuff blurred so spectacularly. _Well, technically no. Nigel's not Runway related anymore. If it's true, that fucking asshole is going to die. _

"Why ever would you do that? The person who will be Art Director is sitting right in front of me." Miranda said in a matter-a-fact tone. "Wh- Me?" "You? Go bore someone else with this mindless grammar exercise. But Emily, before you go, I have a question for you." _I need to speak with Andrea immediately._

Miranda was miffed from the conversation she exchanged with Emily, her newly promoted Art Director. Her ex-assistant's answer to her question, "Where is Andrea?" made her examine the auburn haired woman who sat ramrod straight in front of her with narrow eyes. She refused to discuss anything about Andrea, claiming that the young woman had no relation to her work at Runway. "My role as Andy's friend ended the moment you stepped into the house. I am, as you just informed me, the new Art Director for Runway. Do you have any Runway-related questions? The icy cold tone coupled with the stare that Emily delivered would have impressed Miranda on any other day. _Don't you think Andrea would have told her not to tell you, Miriam?_

Miranda took in Emily's hard stare, not even flinching when she pursed her lips and warned, "Emily…" "If that's all, Miranda, I shall take my leave. See you tomorrow." Emily stood up with her bag, wishing she could teleport to Nigel's house. The thought of sitting in a smelly cab while unverified information run amok in her mind was not something she welcomed. At all.

_How dare her? _Miranda's nostrils flared, enraged at Emily's refusal. _Unless you're planning to fire her and lose your left now right hand at Runway for not telling you where Andrea is, let her go. _"That's all," she glared at the auburn haired woman before turning her chair and waved the assistant Art Director turned Art Director out of the room. Emily left hurriedly after she was given the permission, eager to go to Nigel's apartment to regroup with Andy and Nigel. _I want answers and I'll be damned if Nigel actually pulled that fucking shit on me. _

When left in the room alone with nothing but her own thought and the memories that haunted her, Miranda hoped to drown out the noise in her mind with the amber liquid that she is consuming generously.

_You swore you would never end up like me, Miriam. Oh how plans deviate. _

_Listen to your Pa! Don't ever be an alcoholic like your Ma, Mira! _

Miranda Priestly is a masochist. A trait she learned at a very young age, she would rather be the first person to throw the stone than to allow someone else the power and joy over her fate. _I am the creator and destroyer of my own fate._ As she continued burning her already raw throat with amber liquid, the noise of her history intensified, reminding her of the scars that she had fought to forget. She twirled the glass, staring at the fluid movement of the amber liquid as it swirled around the wall of the glass. Miranda Priestly imagines the color darken in shade to match the brown orbs that she will now miss for the rest of her existence.

_A toast, Miriam! To a miserable existence well deserved._

* * *

Review and let me know what you think! Oh almost forgot, please check out the definition of departure. I used Oxford and Dictionary dot com. I think you might find the definitions apt for both Andy and Miranda in this chapter.

Luce.


	10. Arrival

**Disclaimer**

All characters with the exception of James Clark belongs to Lauren Weisberger.

**Warning**

The content of this fanfiction may trigger ill emotions and feelings due to the mature rating attached to the explicit content. A very strict warning to the level of mature and violent themes present in this fanfiction. Any characters presented in this work is entirely fictional. Resemblance in personality or physical trait to real people is entirely coincidental unless stated otherwise by the writer. Please be advised that if you choose to read this work, it is entirely at your own risk.

**A/N**

I don't want to disrespect any of you who have been following my story with poor attempts at excusing my behaviour and obvious lack of update for this past month or so. I hope you haven't given up on me. But I have to at least tell you why I disappeared from the face of ffnet.

My absence had nothing to do with the not-so-positive reviews that was posted but rather, I wanted to work on my writing. A few have commented at the lack of clarity and distortion in view point. I have been working on it and hopefully this new chapter is better. It wasn't as easy to churn out words when I had to worry about the technical aspects of writing. Writing it over and over again, in different ways or styles took a lot of time. Too much time in fact and it was purely my insecurity that stopped me from posting this earlier. If you read the previous A/N, you'd know that I was going through a odd transition in my life. Very introspective writer coincidentally meets hard-hitting reviews at that period in her life equals what happened. People have their own opinions and it's okay. Also, I don't self-insert. (Okay that sounded a bit wanky but you know what I mean.)

I'm sorry if I made most of you angry or worried or worst, both. A very large and appreciative thank you to those who defended my work and me. And to those who sent PM-s (you know who you are) to encourage and offer support, you keep me grounded. Thinking about all of you kept me going when I felt frustrated or annoyed at my own inability. Be assured that I know where this story is heading, the outline has been made and I am back with vengeance. Please don't give up on me okay?

Unbeta-ed. Sorry about spelling errors.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Lost and Insecure**

**Chapter 7 : Arrivals**

May 2007

The last time Andy Sachs felt this way was on her flight from New York to London almost two years ago. The excitement and nervousness about being in a foreign place had made Andy almost giddy in her seat from the adrenaline. This time however, she loathes the nervousness she was currently experiencing, preferring to be able to hide behind the calm and confident exterior she had adopted since leaving New York. Letting out a breath she was holding, she sighed while she swore under her breath. "Fuck!" _Damn you, Em! _If she wasn't trying so hard to pretend that she was calm, she would have asked that friendly air stewardess for a paper bag. _Nope! Char will never let me live it down._ Breathing became increasingly difficult for Andy when the pilot announced their estimate time of arrival to be an hour away. _Breathe, Andy-bear. Breathe. _

"Did you say something, sweetheart?" the husky voice asked. Andy turned from the window, narrowing her eyes at the false concern and small smirk that Charlie was trying to hide. "You're enjoying this too much. I hate you," Andy hissed, as she turned her face to stare out of the window again, ignoring the small scoff and snigger made by her travelling partner. _I wish Alex was here. Stupid Char isn't helping._

"Oh come on, Dee. You have to admit that it was a brilliant way to get you back in New York," Charlotte said, smiling as she lifted the middle section that separated their first class seats to snuggle into Andy's side. "Dee…" _Ugh I hate it when she does her fake cute thing. _"You know what I'm hating you for. Don't try to deny it," Andy huffed as she wrapped her right arm around Charlotte's small frame. The comfort from Charlotte's touch eased Andy's mind, allowing her to breathe easier as she combed the auburn locks with her fingers. "I just wanted her opinion about Alex. I don't understand what's going on between the both of you. You won't tell me. So I thought you would tell her. And then she'd tell me…" Andy heard Charlotte's voice grow smaller and she tightened her grip on the red-head. _Not this again._ But Andy couldn't help but break into a smile at Char's admission, "There's nothing going on between Alex and myself." _Well, unless you count that one time. Yikes! They will probably skin me alive if Alex ever tells them._

"Then why the fuck do you talk to her all the time?"

"You're overanalysing this, Char. I should have stopped you from taking that Psych elective while I was in Asia."

"Well, that's what you get for leaving me by myself for 3 months," Andy pouted at the guilt-trip that Charlie laid.

**Ladies and gentlemen, we have just been cleared to land at La Guardia airport. Please make sure one last time your seat belt is securely fastened. The flight attendants are currently passing around the cabin to make a final compliance check and pick up any remaining cups and glasses. Thank you.**

The two women separated, returning to their upright position and fastened their seat belts wordlessly. "Ugh fine. Don't give me that stupid pout. You did make a lot of money with that series. So all is well," Charlotte said teasingly and reached over to hold Andy's trembling hands. "Very funny, Char," Andy huffed, closing her eyes as she recalled the reason for her return.

* * *

March 2007

"Get the bloody phone...," the husky voice groaned as she snuggled closer to the other body in bed. Revelling in the warmth, she heard the drizzle outside but its lull struggled to claim her for Morpheus. Not while the bloody phone is ringing. She shifted uncomfortably against the body, wanting to find that spot that would send her back to dreamland but it was futile. She had enough of the incessant vibration coupled with the fake digital tune that repeated endlessly when she launched herself out of bed, grabbed the phone from the other side table and threw it out of the room with a thud.

"Wha-? Hmm-," the drowsy voice questioned, the sudden movement on the bed and the sound of the bedroom door being flung open jolted her out of her sleep. Andy blinked her eyes to gain clarity, her eyes adjusting to the light that filtered through the window. The muffled whine that sounded very much like "Tell it to shut up!" beside her amused her very much. The figure had plopped herself back onto the bed, face down in her pillows, spread eagled with her limbs dangling in awkward positions while Andy made effort to detach herself from the octopus called Charlie. It wasn't unusual for Andy to find herself in very compromising positions in the morning when Charlie slept in her bed. The messy locks of auburn hair hid Charlie's petite face and Andy had to comb it out of the way with her fingers to find Charlie's ears for her to scream into.

"WAKE UP, CHAR!"

"You're such a bloody arse! Fuck! Go get your phone! Tell bloody Alex to fuck off until it's daytime!"

Andy rolled her eyes and smirked as she poked Charlie's sides. Just like Em, annoying Charlie proved to be an endless source of entertainment except Andy now understood Em's strange protectiveness over her better. _That's what you feel like when you're someone's older sister. _"Love you, Char," Andy said in a sing-song tone, knowing that it bugged Charlie when she used that tone.

"I hate you!" Andy laughed as she saw hands reached out to pull the bed cover, hiding Charlie's small frame out of Andy's sight.

She walked out of the bedroom and into the living room with a bounce to collect her phone, picking it up swiftly and attached it to her ear only to be screamed at by the voice on the line. "WHAT THE FUCK? Did you die? Are you at the hospital? There better be a fucking good reason why you didn't answer your bloody phone, you stupid cow! Yo-"

"Em, listen to me."

"I kno-"

"EM! I'm okay. It's 5AM here. I'm sorry I missed your call because I was asleep. What's up?" she ended her question and her lips curled into a knowing smile. _Ooh Serena did it…_

"What's UP? Serena fucking proposed and I can't even tell you about it in person. That is what's fucking UP. Just wait, I'm going shove something UP your silly arse if you don't come back this instant! I can't believe this. You knew didn't you? I know you know, you little shit. You couldn't give me a heads up? No hey Em. Be prepared because Serena wants to have beautiful babies with you! UGH I HATE YOU!" Emily Charlton ranted and screamed while Andy put her on speaker and washed up. _No use trying to interject. Em has only gotten better over the years. Oh hey two "I hate yous" from people that love me this morning. A good day ahead!_

"Are you even listening? You promised not to drop off the face of Earth, Andy Sachs!" _She never fails to bring that up when she's upset. Char is exactly like her when it comes to this. _

"Hello? Is it my turn to speak now, Em? Congrats by the way! Uh, you did say yes right…?" Andy trailed off, mentally counting the time difference and noted that it was 12AM in New York.

"Of course I said yes, you silly cow. She's the love of my fucking life. I just wanted to tell you first, you idiot," Emily sniffed, swallowing the emotions that she was running very high from. Emily Charlton was a stranger to such immense happiness and she wished her best friend was at least in the same country to tell her not to overthink happiness and give her a bone crushing hug. _I miss my Andy-bear hugs._ Serena had replaced Andy as Emily's everyday go-to person when the brunette left for London two years ago and that closeness segued into a romantic relationship within a few months of Andy leaving.

"Awwwwww, Em. I love you too! And yes, I know she's the love of your life! That's why it took her forever to find that perfect rock on your finger," Andy smiled brightly into the phone. _I'm so happy for you Em! _

"Ha! So you did know about it! All that talk about not knowing what's going on in that beautiful Brazilian mind and you were actually helping her! You're horrible, Andy Sachs. I have to call my cousin or she'll have a hissy fit about not informing her personally."

Andy smiled, replied with an "Okay, Em." and clicked her phone shut. She then pressed the buttons on the coffee machine and leaned against the counter while waiting for her Italian roast to materialise into a cup. _This is going to be good. _The strong aroma of her coffee coupled with the timely shrill of the muffled ringtone and string of profanity that could be heard from the bedroom made Andy ridiculously content as she took a sip of the burning hot liquid. _I'm so evil…_

The bedroom door swung ajar and a petite body stormed into the kitchen with her phone attached to her ears while swearing like a sailor. _They always have that effect on each other. _"Well, fuck you too Charlton! Of course I'm happy for you. Just not at three in the bloody morning. You can fucking ask her yourself." Andy reached out to twirl the wild and messy auburn locks and her hand was swatted away.

"Technically it's five thirty. So closer to six than three, Char," Andy quipped and smirked while taking a long sip from her cup of steaming coffee. _Ooh I'm asking for it now. _

"Oh shut up. You could have told her that I was asleep, arsehole!" Mornings were sacred, especially on days where Charlie didn't have classes. Messing with that was almost as much of a sin as eating the red-head's food. Half-smirking and half-scowling at the annoying brunette in front of her, she stole Andy's cup of coffee and tracked off to the direction of the bathroom, leaving her phone on the counter but not before screaming, "CONGRATS EMMERZ. We-out."

"Come on! That's mine, Char! It's not my fault that she wanted to tell you herself!"

"Make another cup. Tsk can you be any more lazy?," she stuck her tongue out and left Andy with the phone where the brunette could hear Emily scream and curse. "I hate that fucking nickname, you little shit! You know I do! For God's sake, stop watching MTV. You're 23, not fucking 13!" _That has got to be the loudest I've ever heard Em go.. _

"Hey…. Em. Uh-"

"WHO THE FUCK IS ALEX?" _Char, you little shit!_

* * *

June 2005

Eyelids fluttered apart to reveal chocolate orbs as her nose twitched at the strong undeniable scent of coffee. _Hmm. That smells good. Wait! I didn't order any room service. OH SHIT! _She lifted the thick blanket and grimaced as she realised her stark nakedness. _Maybe I just slept naked. _Andy looked to her side and saw that the bed was just as messy. _I guess that tells me what I need to know. Just fucking great. A one night stand on my first night in London. Well done, Andy-bear. _

Andy Sachs was not one who indulged in one night stands. At least she hasn't done so in a long time. _Not since my time at Northwestern. First morning in this country. What would Mi- NOPE! NOT GOING THERE. Emily will kill me if she ever finds out that I was this careless. I could be in a serial killer's bedroom now for all I know. _

She gingerly removed herself from the bed, dragging the sheets along to hug her figure, while she hunted for her clothing only to find that they have been discarded all around the immaculate room. Her eyes widened as the baby blue boy-shorts that she was wearing yesterday looked as if it had been ripped. _Intentionally. _Andy groaned audibly, embarrassed at the thought of her behaviour with the man who was brewing, from the smell of it, really good coffee. She looked around and realised that only her jeans was at least wearable. _Maybe I can find a t-shirt or something of his to wear._

Andy slowly padded to the drawers at the side, pulling out one of them but what she discovered made the colour drain from her face. _Oh shit! This guy has a girlfriend, or worst, a wife! FUCK! _Andy chanted the same swear word over and over, the tears spilled from the corner of her eyes as she stumbled backwards and sat on the bed. Mortified that she might have slept with someone who was already attached, she held onto her torn boy-short until her knuckles paled, wishing that she hadn't binged on that many Emilys' while she was sleep deprived and sort of jet lagged. _STUPID STUPID ANDY! _

"I hope those boy-shorts appreciate your mourning of them." Andy looked up from staring at the carpeted floor when she heard the smooth accented voice. Her eyes were blurry from the pooled tears and she had to blink them away for the sight of a feminine figure standing at the doorway. "Uh-" Andy was lost for words. She didn't know what to say or do. _Maybe I should just beg for forgiveness on my knees. _"I-I'm sorry. I didn't know your uhm-," Andy met the light green eyes and trailed off, cursing herself for being so smashed yesterday. _In your defence, you were only just a bit too enthusiastic about trying Em's creation. Why are her eyes sparkling? Like she's amused or something. She should be really angry. Like murderous angry._

"My uhm-?" the person quirked her eyebrow at Andy on the bed, amused at the awkward woman in her bed.

"Your boyfriend? Husband? I really don't know.."_That's what they all say, right? SHIT!_ It didn't mean anything. _Oh crap. I just ruined her relationship and it didn't mean anything? _I can't even remember what he looks like. _That's not any better._ I was really out of it yesterday….I'm sorry. I really am," Andy gulped, waiting for the really beautiful woman in front of her who was wearing cut-off shorts and a t-shirt to say something. _Why would anyone cheat on her with me? Her legs are really long. Woah! Don't go there, Andy-bear! Focus! Okay, how am I going to get out of here? She's not going to lend her clothes to the woman that slept with her husband or boyfriend. _

Andy's heart almost stopped when the blonde woman in front of her said, "Well, I'm sorry that you're sorry." Andy creased her brows at that odd statement.

"Since I got a free striptease last night."

Brows now furrowed from confusion, Andy didn't know what the woman meant until she felt those sparkling green eyes studying her and her body intensely. _Uh-what? OH MY GOD! A threesome. Seriously? Holy fuck! A one night stand, a threesome and awkward morning encounter all on my first night and morning in London. Fuck!_

_Wait…striptease? _"Huh? A striptease? You mean, you just watched?" Andy's voice raised a key higher, to a near squeak as the woman walked closer to the bed. _WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? _"What do you take me for? I wouldn't take advantage of your inebriation even though you're adorably delectable," Andy blushed, from her cheeks to her neck, cursing herself for being so easily affected by charming words and accents. _What accent is that? It sounds like a British and something else. OKAY, ANDY-BEAR. Now isn't the time to analyse the somewhat exotic and sexy accent. EXOTIC AND SEXY?_

"Uhm. I'm really confused right now. What exactly happened last night?" Andy gripped the covers tighter around her body, although she was taken aback when the woman shook her head slightly and laughed.

"Why don't you get dressed first? And I'll answer your questions over breakfast," she went on to pull some clothes out of the drawers and a set of new lingerie with its tags attached. _Agent Provocateur? _Tossing it on the bed as if it was a normal occurrence, she told Andy that she would wait for her outside. _I wonder if she's wearing Agent Provocateur…_

March 2007

"Uhm- who, Em?" Andy closed her eyes, wincing at the betrayal of her own voice. _It's like my subconscious wants Em to know who Alex is. Come on Andy-bear. You're a better liar now. But it's Em, dammit!_

"DON'T _WHO_ ME! Andrea Marie Sachs! You little shit! I'm going to strangle you. You have a boyfriend and you didn't think of telling ME?! Your best friend? Even Charlie knows. What the fuck is that? I can't believe this. Tell me everything NOW! Or I swear on Runway that I will fly over there to kill you!" Emily was furious at Andy's omission of someone important enough to make calls to her everyday and frustrated at the distance and length of time that the brunette has stayed away from New York. _Sure that bloody cow met up with them in Paris last year but it was a short dinner. No thanks to Miranda fucking Priestly summoning Serena and myself. _

Andy gulped audibly and squeaked out, "It's a she and I'm not dating her. You have to trust me, okay? I would tell you if I dating someone." _Not that I've ever actually dated in these two years. Flings are more like it…_

"Then why are the two of you exchanging phone calls like a bunch of puppies in love? Charlie told me that you've been calling her or she has been calling you since you got back from Asia ." Emily was surprised at the Andy's effort to communicate with this Alex person. Emily Charlton maintains that she is not jealous, just concerned.

"We're partners on a project. Just helping each other out. And before you ask, NO! We're not involved sexually, Em. Just friends. Platonic friends." _Sort of. Kinda._

* * *

June 2005

Andy got dressed and awkwardly padded out of the room, taking note of the impressive decor and modern appliances that made the service suite very chic but lived-in. She approached the breakfast bar where the woman smiled and indicated for her to seat as she platted scrambled eggs. Andy sat down hesitantly, unsure about the woman's calm behaviour. Her eyes darted between the food and the woman, immediately noticing the woman's full lips could probably tempt anyone to kiss her.

"So before you explode from anxiety, we didn't sleep together. If we did, you'd be really sore right now. And no, there is no one else. No boyfriend or husband. So you can sleep easy at night knowing that you haven't had a threesome just yet," Alex teased, knowing a bit of Andy's sexual history from drunk Andy. "Though you might lie awake at night after this wishing that we had glorious sex together." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, amused at the brunette's confused indifference. _I wonder if she knows that she's driving me crazy…_

_THANK FUCKING GOD I didn't sleep with someone who already had a girlfriend or wife. That's way too close to…Never mind. _"Then why are all my clothes torn and ripped?" Andy asked, annoyed that the woman had a know-it-all smirk on her face. _That's because she does know it all about what happened last night. _She ignored the threesome and glorious sex comment, knowing that she was not nearly clear headed enough for a game of innuendo bingo.

"That would be your fault. You started ripping your clothes off to take a dip in the bathtub. What is it with you and bathtubs anyway? I didn't think it was particularly safe so I put you on the bed," the woman was amused and continued while taking a bite for herself, "Anything wrong with the eggs? I can make them in another style for you if you don't like them scrambled."

"No. No. I don't mind. Uhm-I'm just really embarrassed. Did you sleep in the bed with me?" Andy asked, grabbing the piece of toasted bread on her plate. _Wow, how non-chalant of you, Andy-bear. _"Yeah I did. Like I said, you were really strong so when you had me in a locked grip, I couldn't exactly force myself out of your hold without hurting you or myself," the voice then dipped to a lower and huskier tone and added, "And I don't make it a habit to deny the women in my bed _anything_," green eyes danced with interest at the awkward brunette dressed in her clothes sitting in her kitchen.

"You mean I asked you to stay? Oh gosh. I'm really sorry, uh-. I don't even know your name. I'm Andy, short for Andrea Sachs," Andy stuck her hand out over the breakfast bar and smiled her Andy-smile.

"I'm Alex, short for Alexandria. I already know your name. You even taught me the different pronunciations," she laughed and shook the brunette's hand with her own. _Wow. Does this woman know the effect of that smile? Seriously._

Andy ignored the skip in her heartbeat at the mention of other pronunciations of her name, "Can you tell me how I ended up with you in your fancy apartment er-suite?," Andy was relieved, knowing that she did not sleep with Alex or had a threesome. It was slowly becoming less awkward, since Andy had a gut feeling that Alex wasn't that bad. Flirty but that's okay. _I could use some flirty right now. _

"The adventure started when you decided to order the Emily Special at 3 in the afternoon and then a lot more after the first."

March 2007

"WHAT THE FUCK? I would have remembered this woman if you told me about the whole incident in an email. I surely would have called you to scream at you."

"That's exactly why I didn't tell you. Alex and I didn't exchange any information until I bumped into her while I was in Paris last year. Sorry, Em," Andy said, internally finding it hilarious that Emily Charlton had singlehandedly taken the role of an overprotective father and annoying older sister in her life. _I guess that makes Nige the nagging, know-it-all mother. _

"Oh-fine. You're making me sound like the bloody headmistress. Ugh just don't come back to the States with a bloody rock that's bigger than mine on your ring finger and we'll be fine," Emily said, yawning as the adrenaline rush simmered down from having said a million yes' to the love of her life a few hours ago. "Anyway, I want to get married in June. Naturally as the maid of honour, you'll have to help with the planning and what not."

Andy heard Emily's wide yawn and felt compelled to yawn herself, "Hmm. Okay we still have time, Em. I can help from wherever I am." She took a sip of coffee and sauntered over to her dining table where she left her laptop yesterday. _Time to check my inbox. _

"Time? You silly cow, June this year, not next!" Emily huffed but smiled as she felt the bed dip beside her. Andy blinked at the unread email in her inbox, gulping at the sender's email. _What the fuck is that? Wait-huh? Did Em say this year? THIS YEAR? JUNE?_

"As in three months time?" Andy almost spit her coffee onto the screen when she clicked on the email to read its content._ HOLY SHIT! What the fuck? An invitation and offer letter? OH FUCKING SHIT. What has Nige done this time… _Andy felt like she was having a heart attack and aneurysm at the same time. _OH MY GOD! I can't fucking do this. _

"Yes. God-just get your fat arse back in NY. We'll talk later," Emily clicked her phone shut just as she felt a pair of lips trace her shoulder blades. Emily gasped as she felt the lips trace the sensitive skin on her neck, "How did it go with your mum?" Serena smiled against the pale skin, "I'm not talking about mami now." _Not while I'm making love to the mani of my future children anyway._

* * *

May 2007

"Where the fuck are they? Those two bloody cows, I'm going to kill them!" Emily Charlton was excited and nervous. A combination that Serena knew translated to anger. _One would think that my fiancee is the Brazilian between the both of us. My fiancee! I like the sound of that. _"That would defeat the purpose of them in New York, love," she smiled softly, reaching forward to take Emily's hands in her own. The tall Brazilian then pulled her fiancee to her side, hoping that the body contact would at least calm her down. "I know you miss them, English. It's alright to be excited."

"I shan't be bothered by whether they are alive for our wedding. I will walk over their dead bodies down the altar if they don't appear in my presence this instant," Emily murmured softly against Serena's nape. They were glad that they didn't have to go into the office today but both had hectic schedules looming in the back of their mind knowing that tomorrow would be the annual Met Gala.

"Please don't shag in bloody airport, EMMERZ. For goodness sake, where are your manners?" Charlie said the last part in a posh English accent, which juxtaposed the street thug slang horribly.

Emily Charlton turned around to see a small figure smirking at Serena and herself. Her attention however was immediately drawn to the smiling brunette that had her arms linked with her cousin's. She blinked at the two people in front of her, the emotions she felt from seeing her best friend and cousin in the flesh made her insides choke up. _I can see why people would think they are a couple. Stupid Char for being an octopus and Andy for spoiling my cousin._ She tightened her hold on Serena as she tried to ignore the overwhelming happiness of seeing Andy and Charlie. _They are really here and she's really back. _

"Shut up, Charlotte Olivia Charlton! And stop calling me Emmerz. You know I resent that nickname," she said but her tone held no bite as she stepped out of her fiancee's hold to pull the brat into a tight hug and using her fingers to mess up the auburn locks. Charlie struggled against her cousin's only slightly taller frame, annoyed at the fact that her hair was messed up. "Call me Emmerz again and I'll call you by your full name from now on, Charlotte," she whispered into her cousin's ears, grinning evilly at Andrea who smirked in return.

"Ugh. Fine. You have no sense of humour, Emme-Em," she huffed as Emily released her. "Whatever you say, Charlo-Charlie." Charlie stuck her tongue out at her cousin and turned her attention to the tall and beautiful Brazilian. "Why, hello there," she said in a smooth English accent, unlike her street thug or haughty posh English accent. Serena laughed at the antics of the young woman in front of her, amused by such difference in character between the two cousins. _How are they even blood related? _

Emily ignored her cousin's antics with her fiancée, knowing that Charlie loved riling her up. _Ever since she was born, that annoying little shit. _"Hello stranger," she said in a teasing tone as she studied the smiling brunette in front of her. _That Andy-smile! Oh how I've missed that silly cow's smile. The laggy pixelated Skype calls certainly did not do her justice over the year. _Emily would rather wear a tank top to the Met Gala than to ever admit this out loud, but Andy Sachs was actually stunningly gorgeous. _She was pretty then but jaw-dropping hot now. We have to keep her away from Mi- _ Although Andy was confident and calm when she left New York, her body was still lanky and clumsy but Emily never really believed that the adorably awkward Andy has been replaced until now. Emily's eyes widened when the brunette who was dressed in high street fashion pushed her sunglasses into her hair to reveal her chocolate orbs. "Hey, Em." _Holy fuck! She's definitely not the same Andy Sachs that left. Fuck! Wait till Nigel gets a hold of her._

Emily Charlton did not believe Charlie's claims that Andy was "bloody hot and sexy as fuck" when her cousin called about the brunette. "Stop talking about her like that, Charlie. Don't make me regret asking her to contact you." She had dismissed her cousins reports that the brunette had men and women fawning over her when the two went out together. It wasn't as if Emily could verify the truth of those reports. They exchanged emails like text messages but Andy sounded normal in her emails and her occasional Skype calls weren't out of the ordinary. _That bloody cow was always in her Northwestern hoodie when we Skype. How was I to know she's actually fashionable? _

Emily's staring was short-lived as came forward to crush her in a tight Andy-bear hug. When Andy finally released Emily from the tight hug, she said "Tu me manques _I miss you._" and laughed when Emily knitted her eyebrows together. "I hate you too. So stop showing off your French," Emily Charlton ignored the possible flutters in her stomach when her best friend spoke what ever she did in French._ She would learn French. That show-off nerd! _"Of course, Emily," Andy said in a subservient tone, making Emily burst into laughter as the both of them shared memories of Andy's second assistant days. _The French speaking cow could probably make Nigel doubt his sexuality. _

Serena came over and enveloped Andy in a hug, "Que saudades de você! _We missed you!_" Andy smoothly replied, "Tambem sinto saudades suas! _I missed you too!_" Emily darted her eyes back and forth between her fiancee and best friend who was having a conversation in Portugese, her fiancee's first language. _WHAT THE FUCK? When did Andrea Sachs become a fucking language savant? _

"She's doing that language thing eh?" Emily heard Charlie ask with a knowing smirk. Emily nodded, mesmerised by the easy exchange between the two ridiculously gorgeous women speaking in a foreign language. _I could listen and watch this forever. _"How many has she done so far?"

Emily quirked her eyebrows and turned to face Charlie, "What the fuck do you mean?"

"Oh-ho. Shit. You didn't know?" At Emily's glare, Charlie smirked widened, "Figures she wouldn't casually offer that information. Your best friend picked up a few more languages when she travelled around the world." _A few would be a severe understatement. _Charlie knew that her cousin was caught off guard by this Andy that she was re-introduced to. _I don't think Emmerz will appreciate me telling her I told you so now. _"Can we go now, Dee? Or do you want to reenact that Tom Hanks movies? I think Emme-Em is this close to having a panic attack about the new Andy Sachs."

Andy and Serena stopped their conversation about Andy's fluency in Portuguese and turned their attention to the rest of their party, smiling at Charlie's apt description of Emily. Andy took in Emily's furrowed brows, the red-head was deep in thought. _Uh-oh._

"Em dear, I learned the languages for work. I can't possibly get interviews with the locals if I just speak English," Andy said, using the British accent that occasionally slipped but it was intentional this time. _It helps with the flirting occasionally but she doesn't need to know that. _Her eyes sparkled at the memories of her time abroad. _Oh yes, it definitely helps. _

Emily narrowed her eyes at Andy for a second before bursting into deep laughter. _NIGEL IS GOING TO DIE. He did request that she shouldn't come back with a British accent. _"Promise me you'll use that accent with Nigel and you're forgiven, Andy. Let's go, he must think that Serena and I flew to London to collect the both of you by now. God knows it'll be difficult to get a cab at this hour."

Andy scanned the Arrival Hall, gulping almost audibly when she saw a man carrying a sign that read "Marie Kipton". "Uhm-Em. I think I have a town car. Look-" She waved and indicated at the man in a suit standing at a distance. "Awesome, Dee! Who knew she'd be so generous…," Charlie said excitedly, waving at the man while pointing at Andy who was grimacing. _I should have told Em on the phone about her offer. Em is going to kill me. Really kill me. _

"WHO?" Asking aloud in chorus, their eyes widened at the guilty grimace that Andy had on her face. _GUILTY! _

"Em-"

* * *

So…how do you like the OFCs? The names were suggested by EvilAngels26. I don't want to give away anything major, just know that they're super important.

Andrea's middle name was inspired by a very dear friend of mine who has encouraged and supported me through this whole time with her emails and PMs. (I hope you don't mind that it's only part of your name.) I'm sorry for dropping off the face of earth on you and everyone else.

Tell me what you think about the OFCs and Andy's return. Also, James will be making an appearance in the next chapter. ;)


End file.
